40 Steps to Fate (17 Steps)

by Steven in Illinois

17 Steps

            It struck with a force beyond just pain. I was thrust towards the ground, my pain exponentially increasing by the second. Jamie gave me a look of sadness, and then whispered one last sentence.

            “Fuck you, Stephen. Don’t even try to remember me.”

            She entered the limo, and ordered the chauffer to drive. She closed the door as the limo began to drive away. There was a hole in my stomach, and blood poured down from it. Slowly, I limped towards Tristan’s house, where people where standing there, astounded, disbelieving. I felt no emotion. I pushed past everyone, and then headed inside. I dressed the wound, and slowly, painfully, but gradually, it healed. The weird hurt in my stomach was more than just physical pain. Emptiness was there, an abyss that would not heal. As I stared at my tattered clothes, and heard people knock on my locked door, I made a promise to myself.

            I will get her back, and make her love me again.

Nobody talked to me, knowing some pain in me was going to make me hurt too much. Depression was overwhelming me, and some silent fury was inside me. Everyone realized that all that had been good for me had suddenly become obliterated, replaced by THIS. Pain wasn’t enough to define this…it consumed me. Maybe it wasn’t as I imagined, because my other rejections were nothing close to this. Maybe it was because I actually knew she still loved me; just that everything had gone wrong.

            Angela.

            The word sparked a billion questions, starting off with, “Why Did She Kiss Me?”, and I began to realize that she must have liked me too. Everything seemed so screwed up, and I knew I’d have to do something soon, or I wouldn’t get anywhere. Except for some stupid reason, I wasn’t getting anywhere. I really was beginning to wonder how I could make those necessary adjustments. Life without Jamie was weird, and every single time I looked at the ring in my hand, I really wondered if Jamie had thrown hers away. If she had, all was over. That ring was the only thing she had left that represented me, and she could easily hate it so much he’d throw it out the window. Did I even have to mention she indefinitely hated me? The year of happiness, as far as I went, had quickly gone down to the year of pain. The results weren’t pretty, either, which meant that I really didn’t have much to look to.

            I decided to visit Angela and co.

            And so, as soon as we were dismissed, I sped across the school’s front yard, and flew. I tried to reach Angela ASAP, and soon enough, I caught up with her.

            She was wearing blue, as always, but now she was in a tank top, and she had those short shorts that girls wear (Don’t be offended people, I really don’t know). When I managed to yell out her name, she turned around, and I saw she had put on mascara. The friend she was talking to seemed to be choking, as if…well, do I have to say it?

            “Angela,” I whispered, “I need to talk to you privately.” She gave me a look of strange understanding, as she followed me. When we were alone, I whispered, forcefully, but controllably, “Why did you kiss me?” She gave a guilty look. “You gestured towards your lips, and I just did what I thought you wanted me to do,” she replied. It was a lie, and both of us knew it. I sighed. “Are you in love with me?” I asked. She made no reply. I counted it as a yes.

            “Oh. My. God.” I muttered. I put my hands on my face, wanting to claw my eyes out in frustration. Why had things chosen to take such a horrific turn? I hadn’t planned for any of it, and yet, fate had chosen to throw its best shot at me, and I could not win. The expression Angela gave me showed that she meant everything she said, but I could no longer feel everything I had once. Slowly, I looked at her eyes, and then apologized.

            “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m being such an idiot, doing all of this.” She sighed. I slowly turned, and walked away.

            I could not cry.