Audrey Smith- chapter 1
| by
Er-Bear (Erin) in Texas |
She sighed deeply and tossed her blonde ponytail over her shoulder. The day at her new middle school had been miserable, she had just left all of her friends, and her teacher was not who she wanted.
“Hey, Audrey!” A familiar voice called from up the street.
Audrey raised her head to reveal a girl from her class coming toward her. She groaned under her breath, but then greeted her with a simple “Hello”.
The girl was one from her class alright, but not one she liked at all. The girls name was Avery Johnson, the most popular, stuck up, rudest person in the entire middle school. She had dozens of buddies, and Audrey was not one of them.
“Hey, Audrey!” Avery called again, this time almost to her on the steps.
“Hello, Avery. What do you want?” asked Audrey in a calm tone of voice.
“Well, I just wanted to let you know that fur boots are in style now, not flip flops.”
Audrey looked down at her own summer scandals for a minute and mumbled, “I can’t afford fur boots, and anyway, it’s the middle of spring.” She could feel her face getting hot and red, like it always did when she was mad or embarrassed. This time she was both.
Avery sniffed, and at that, turned at her heel and began back up the street. Her light brown ponytail swished as she walked in her girly girl walk, and she turned to flash her sharp green eyes back at her before she went on.
Audrey could feel tears welling up in her own crystal clear blue eyes, and one rolled softly down her cheek. She wiped it off as fast as she could with her shirt sleeve.
She didn’t want anyone to see her. Avery didn’t hurt Audrey’s feelings; Audrey just wanted to have a good friend again.
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Good start!
"I don't believe in North Dakota, the Lochness Monster, or permanent records." ~ my super awesome friend, Becca Chan
You should continue. But, I think that "reveal" in this sentence (Audrey raised her head to reveal a girl from her class coming toward her.) doesn't work. Maybe try something a little less... artsy. I mean, interesting words are usually good, but only if you use them right. Sometimes if you use too many of those you can confuse your reader. I was a bit confused, but I still like it.
~EmmaR
"Families are lke fudge-mostly sweet with a few nuts" -Author Unknown-
LOL my name is Audrey Smith exactly
Nice!