Ember Hope *** The Very Long Prologue... (tee hee! :)
| by
Sis in Hogwarts, trying to figure out why everyone's staring at my new wand. *holds up a stick up dynamite* |
EMBER isre
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The Very Long Prologue...
One by one, window by window, the city extinguished its lights, plunging the night into darkness. And silence. Not even the night owls, who's very domain was the night, dared to utter a sound. The leaves nestled cozily upon the branches refused to rustle in the wind. And the stars, the once brightly shining stars, seemed to have dimmed, letting not a single eye wander on their beauty. Nope. Not tonight. Because tonight would be different. One simply knew it, felt it flowing in their veins, pounding in their heart, shouting in their heads.
In the distance, barely on the horizon, something flickered, wavering in the darkness. Those blind to anything worth their attention wouldn't see it; they would think it was the lighthouse, shining brightly despite the pleasant weather. Maybe the owner had been too lazy to switch it off for today.
But let me assure you, it was anything but the lighthouse, for if you strained your eyes, squinting at that light in the distance, something in your mind would click. And that something would tell you the light in the distance was a ship, a ship burning away under the moonlight. And it was.
Thousands of miles away, the S.S. Caesar was falling apart, burning so rapidly it was a miracle everyone had escaped unharmed. Or at least...that's what they thought.
Smoldering masts crackled in the unnatural heat, daring to fall down within seconds. Ashes rained down onto the ship, and flames, growing by the minute, danced along the deck, melting right through the wood.. However, beyond the cackling of the wood, beyond the creaking of the masts, there lay another sound, a sound so faint it seemed it didn't exist. But it did.
Underneath the deck, amidst all the ash and rubble, was a pile of fallen, wooden planks, charred, some still burning. And partially hidden under it all was something small and ever so delicate. It was a baby, a baby girl.
Her eyes were closed, but she was still alive, though barely. Her heart pounded rhythmically, and short, wavering breaths emitted from her small toothless mouth. She was asleep.
And only three miles away, in an overcrowded lifeboat, sobbed an auburn-haired lady. "I'm telling you, Captain, I saw a baby on that ship. We need to go back!" She squinted at the faint light in the distance, the burning ship, waterfalls of blackened tears streaming down her face. So what if that baby didn't belong to her! She knew what it felt like to lose a child, that burning sensation ripping at your heart, knowing that there was nothing you could do about it.
Yes, she knew exactly how it felt, and she didn't want any other mother feeling that way ever again.
"Ma'am, I do not recall any babies on board my ship. You were probably just hallucinating. Typical, after all this stress," pressed the blue-suited captain, his voice firm.
"But sir! I am absolutely sure I saw a baby on that ship. I have no doubts at all, and I am not one to hallucinate."
"Ma'am--" started the captain, trying to keep his voice steady, but the woman rashly interrupted him.
"Please, captain. Turn this boat around, and let me search the ship just once. Please..." the woman pleaded desperately, her heart aching for the newborn that she was so sure she had seen. But even as she spoke, she saw through the corner of her eye, the ship in the distance vanishing below the horizon, bubbles gushing to the surface as the huge vessel, once so grand, sunk into the watery depths. And then it was silent once more.
"I'm sorry Ma'am. I really am..."
You'd think that delicate baby would've surely perished by now...but you'd be wrong, for as the S.S. Caesar perished to bits, a few stray planks made their way to the ocean's surface, bobbing to the rhythm of the tide. And who should be sleeping peacefully upon one of these charred planks, but the baby, the sweet, fragile young baby. And as the stray plank drifted eastward, the baby girl stirred, smiling ever so slightly in her sleep.
As if on signal, the once so silent night lit up with life. Owls hooted their nighttime choir, crickets chirped sweet lullabies, and the stars, the countless stars, cast their celestial light upon the sleeping baby, the baby who had cheated death not once, but twice.
Then, so suddenly one could've blinked and missed the scene, the baby's eyelids fluttered open.
Revealing two sets of huge eyes. Huge golden eyes... They lit up like lanterns in the eerie shadows of the night, illuminating her way across the sea, putting the twinkling stars above to shame.
But the baby couldn't have roamed the savage seas forever, and so, as the newborn dawn was just beginning to streak the horizon, she reached a small seashore, washed down after years and years of endless tides.
"Hey, Lo! Come here!" came a distant voice. The faint silhouette of a boy ran to the baby, studying her closely before jumping up in surprise.
"What? What is it?" a younger girl came skipping after the boy, stopping suddenly when she saw the baby girl. "Is that....A baby?" The boy nodded silently, picking her up in his arms. "B-but are her eyes...is that normal?" the girl stuttered, lost in the baby's large, fantasy-like golden eyes.
"Let's go. We know where to take her," the boy murmured, not really answering his sister's question. His voice was barely a whisper.
"To Hope's?"
"Yep."
"But--"
"Lo, don't you understand?" the boy's voice was strained, though a little hoarse. "If we let her out to just any old house, they'll give her to a circus, put her in some freak show! Do you really want that to happen?"
"No..."
"Hope is the best choice... Okay?"
"Okay," Lo whispered.
And so, the two took off, sprinting away from the shore into the starry, breezy night, cradling a fragile baby girl who would some day show just how important she could be.
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Mddie, i have to confess something. This is the best thing i have ever read, and this is the most talented peace of writing i have ever come across. For the few mments i was reading it, i mean yes, i thought i was at the scene, but well i was reading it, i didn't think i was reading it from my computer at my desk. No, i thought i was in Barnes and Noble, with my legs crossed on the ground, and this amazing book called Ember Hope curled in my lap, just picked off the shelf.
All what i say is completely true. This is a very,very,very talented pieceof writing, and i am just shocked beyond words. Maddie, this was unexplanatory, and this prologue, really shows how you are as a writer. And i can explain that in one word. Marvelous. Seriosly, this was fantastic, and i can't wait for more.
If you continue this book, and make it just as good as this prologue, i believe that what i was thinking in my head, about being at the bookstore, will actually come true. So please don't stop writing this, and don't stop believing that you make make it your best. Because if you can write like you wrote in this prologue, you can create i wonderful book.
/\/\/\/\LightningBolt/\/\/\/\
Thanks sooooo much, Lightningbolt! That comment really meant a lot! I'll try to continue this one :D Thank you thank you thank you thank you (five hours later) thank you thank you! Your comment made my day!
P.S. I've read a few chapters of your book, The Tre Galdurian Prophecy, and YOU are a really great writer! :) :) :)
Live fully *~* Laugh uncontrollably *~* Love unconditionally
Thanks! But i had to say it, because it was all true! And do you think yu could read more of the Tre Galdurian Prophecy? I only have really a couple of commenters, and i would love more! YOu don't have to do it, but i am certainly gald that you've liked what you read!
/\/\/\/\LightningBolt/\/\/\/\
Sure!
Live fully *~* Laugh uncontrollably *~* Love unconditionally
I read it! Write more!
“I never let my schooling get in the way of my education” -Mark Twain
“Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination” -Mark Twain
All of the above! This is just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Amazing!!!
"I don't suffer from insanity, but enjoy every minute of it!"-
Edgar Allen Poe Why is a raven like a writing desk? Because Poe wrote on both.
WOW! I love this! It's amazing!
Thanks everyone!
Live fully *~* Laugh uncontrollably *~* Love unconditionally
OMG, this is just amazing! Poetic, lyrical and poised. I didn't want this prologue to end. So... mystical yet frank. And it so COOL! Personally I think this could not only by published but also crash onto the bestseller list. Really good. Please write more!
"We cannot achieve victory through strength of arms." "Not for ourselves but we can give Frodo a chance." - LOTR, dialogue between Aragorn and Eomir "District 12. Where you can starve to death in safety." - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
Aww, thanks so much!
Live fully *~* Laugh uncontrollably *~* Love unconditionally
Whoaly! this is long, but it's really, really, really good!
Imagination stays alive.
Wow, the words are so intelligent. This prologue is very good! I can see your story published and on Amazon! I am happy for you...great work!
Oh Wow. Goodness! Write more!
--Moonbeam
For me, writing is like drinking. If I go more than three days without it, I die. :D
Whoa, Maddie! This is truly the best writing I have ever read! You should most definitly continue it! I love the writing and the idea and everything! I absolutely LOVE it!
OMG! This is the best writing I have EVER read! It's even better than JK Rowling and Andrew Clements and Rick Riordan! I mean it! This is honestly the best peice of writing I have ever read in my entire life! Everything is written so beautifuly! If I didn't know any better, I would say that you're a real author! And a great one at that! Keep writing! I love it!
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: Everyone can see it, but only you get that warm feeling that it brings
Thanks so much! Chapter One will be coming out soon!
~Sis (Maddie)
OMG!!! THIS IS JUST.... INCREDABLE! YOU ARE AMAZING. I AM SERIOUS. THIS DESERVES TO BE UP ON A SHELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kay - Check out everything that I have written here on KidPub, I always love new comments and reads : http://www.kidpub.com/viewTracker/780
Thanks!!! :D :D :D
My newest book = Ember Hope (http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/ember-hope-very-long-prologue...) Comments would be soooooo appreciated- thanks!
How can I start this off?
How about this way?
This piece of work shows what an incredible writer you are. It is perfectly paced, very descriptive, and intruiging. You've managed to make mystery seep into each and every word. I am speechless now. I can't even describe how well written this is. This would be something I would pick out of the shelves of Borders, and stack right on top of the other pile of books written by talented authors. You'd fit right in! I can't wait to see where this goes! Keep on writing!
"Writing: It's not a hobby, it's an obbsession." - Me
Awwww, thank you!!! Thank you so much!
My newest book = Ember Hope (http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/ember-hope-very-long-prologue...) Comments would be soooooo appreciated- thanks!
Would you like me to do a cover for this fantastic story? Just fill out the form on My Cover Biz page!
Click here for a list of all my stories! http://www.kidpub.com/viewTracker/834
The moment I read those first words I knew that this story would be something special. Maddie, you really have some talent in writing so don't you dare give up!
The language is really sophisticated and I am glad to see you use a lot of description!
I am going to be bold a say something that perhaps needs to be looked at. I am all for many commas in a sentance I am, but I felt you used them too often causing me to stop every second to break.
Other than that phenomenal work!
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Thanks! Sorry about the commas! :) :) :)
My newest book = Ember Hope (http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/ember-hope-very-long-prologue...) Comments would be soooooo appreciated- thanks!
This is the best prologue I have ever read!! This is awesome, you are so talented! Sorry I took so long to comment, again this is awesome!!!
Put this in your sig if you are against fights on KP: WRITE, NOT FIGHT!
Thanks!!! It's okay if you don't comment right away! You could comment a year later, and it's completely fine! :D :D :D
My newest book = Ember Hope (http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/ember-hope-very-long-prologue...) Comments would be soooooo appreciated- thanks! (By SIS)
Maddie, I don't know how to say anything that hasn't already been said. Other than holy crud muffins, you're a great writer. You're extremely talented, and you should be proud.
*~Word Bandit~* (: This is my signature. Don't you love it? :)
Wow!!! This is really good!! ^^
~*Serenity*~
"Friends are like flowers; if you care and tend to them patiently, they'll bloom for you."
For a full view on my previous artwork/covers, check out www.ashleycovers.webs.com ^^
Thank you!
My newest book = Ember Hope (http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/ember-hope-very-long-prologue...) Comments would be soooooo appreciated- thanks! (By SIS)
I love it. I really do.
“To wish is to dream and to dream is to write.” ~ Anonymous
Me: “Do you like cheese?”
Peace,***Mysty *** (aka Mystify)
Thank you so much, Mystify! Oh, and welcome to KP! You're going to love it here!
~Sis (Maddie) ~~~~ My newest book = Ember Hope (http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/ember-hope-very-long-prologue...) Comments would be soooooo appreciated- thanks!
Maddie, at first I thought that this story would be boring, but now I love it. I could picture every little detail of this story. I know that this comment will probably go unoticed but I just had to say this.
You're not the ones writing the story. I am - K.R.Galvin
Your comment didn't go unnoticed! Thanks soooo much, Kyle! That means a lot to me! :D :D :D
~Sis (Maddie) My newest book = Ember Hope (http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/ember-hope-very-long-prologue...) Comments would be soooooo appreciated- thanks!
*dies* This is GREAT! I looooooooooooooove it soooooooo much and the description makes me wanna CRY! *sob* and also die! *dies* I've gotta read MORE! You are very talented :D
~Eh, Gypsy!
"There's a fly on your sandwich you just ate the fly." ~ Gypsy's one sentence warning to Bambi while picnicing on the trampoline :D
:o Thanks SOOOOO much, Gypsy!!! I'm so glad you like it! The story you were writing a while ago, The White Snake, was really really good :) :) :) And your drawings are amazing, too!
~Sis (Maddie) My newest book = Ember Hope (http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/ember-hope-very-long-prologue...) Comments would be soooooo appreciated- thanks!
Wow! I am speechless!
I just got to intrested in it!
I wish it was a never-ending story!
I just NEED to know the rest!
ROCK ON!
Thank you!!! :D :D :D Yay!
"Wumbo! You know, I wumbo, you wumbo. He, she, me, WUMBO! Womboed! Wumboing! Wumbology, the study of wumbo! It's first grade Spongebob!" -Patrick Star
I'm reading through a second time, and it's still great! My CC is that, in third person, you're not supposed to use exclamation marks(!), unless it's a character talking or thinking. Like, 'So what if that baby didn't belong to her!' should be 'She didn't care if the baby didn't belong to her.' You also shouldn't start sentences with 'and.' Other than that—including that— I like it.
“I never let my schooling get in the way of my education” -Mark Twain
“Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination” -Mark Twain