The magical flower Chapter--1--As tall as a house
by Book
in AP
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in AP
Once upon a time there lived a small girl named Emma. She was very fond of flowers.
One day her favourite flower suddenly started sparkling! But before she could call her mother, all the lights went off in the entire house! Finally it was night but the magical flower's lights wouldn't off. The next day the flower's light faded.The flower grew an inch every minute.
An hour passed by and the flower was as tall as Emma,rather much taller than her. She was amazed and ran to the phone. She called up her friend Anne. But unluckily she could not come. Then she asked her other friend Karen if she could come. But she was busy at that moment. They both were her only friends, she did not even have any siblings. Her mom went out and her father was at work. She went back to the flower to check its height. Now it was almost taller than the house!
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This is pretty good so far. A couple things you coud wprk on is adding more feeling to your description. Don't jut add what it LOOKED like, what did it feel, smell, and sonud like? Use all five senses, if you can, especially when it comes to the flower glowing. That doesn't happen often, so DESCRIBE it.
Want comments? We got 'em! ~amy
I agree with Amy. You need more description. I have no idea what the flower smells like or what it feels like. Maybe Emma would start to get curious and want to feel the flower this time.
Anyway, well done. Good job and I hope you go far with this story!