My Journal Entry 19

by Kayla in your dreams

I sat at my table in lunch, the one with the sparkly purple nail polish under it with Karissa's initials and the huge ugly heart we had drawn with a b inside it as an inside joke. Sydney tapped her nails on her tray, as Rachelle stared at it.
"Oh, god, Syd, that's gross," she said, pushing away from the tablem avoiding all contact possible. "I hate this school. I hate like, the food here. I hate everything about this freaking school."
Syd smirked at Rachelle, devouring her rubber-cheese-on-crusty-bread-crumb thing. It was expected that she'd do that. She was insanely skinny and aate more than a fat person, even though she always complained about her jeans being too tight except they were almost actually too lose. Rachelle was the exact opposite. Rachelle never ate lunch, breakfast, or anything in between. She ate a sandwich and that was all, basically every day.
"Hey, there's hottie," Karissa squealed. I turned over to look, and Rachelle sat there, unimpressed. Damien stood at the water fountain, leaning against the wall, grinning and talking to Destinee. She giggled and poked him on his lovely shoulder. Suddenly, I had this huge urge to pee. I got up out of my chair, walked five stepds, then turned around. I couldn't do this. Even if I knew he was trying to make me jealous, which I didn't, he obviously wouldn't want me back. And I broke up with him. Because he was a jerk. Except now he's really nice to Destinee. But they're not going out. So I should try to talk to him. Because I haven't since I broke up with him. But I was really scared. I turned around again, and he was gone. I flipped my hair over my shoulders, studied my nails, and then inhaled and marched up to the guy's bathroom, waiting for him to come out. He didn't. And I waited. And then Destinee came around from the corner, smirking and her bra showing.
"Hey, Kayla, what's up?" she called in that perfect little voice where you smack your lips all the time. "I was just, uhm, here. Damien talked hi. Yeah, he wants talk to you to."
She pulled up her shirt and bent over to grab some piece of paper that fell out of her pocket. Her jeans slid down and I could see her slutty thong, which she obviously didn't make an effort to hide, like, at all. Damien walked around the other corner, his hands in his pockets. He looked away awkwardly, wiping his lips.
"Uhhm, hi?" I said. "I'm kinda right here."
He looked back at me. "You kinda broke up with me, too."
"Yeah, well, so you can't say hi to me?" I tried to sound hurt.
"Uh, yeah, I can, but it's sorta awkward, if you didn't notice," he walked closer.
My heart ached so badly I couldn't really contain it. At all. "No it's not," my voice cracked.
"Kayla. It is. And you know that. Especially because I just made out with Destinee."
"Uhhm, I didn't know that. And it's not awkward. We've always been like best friends, right?" I said.
He looked down. "Uh, yeah. But. You haven't said anything to me in like, four months, so..."
I ran my fingers through my hair. "Yeah...and...?"
"Kayla, you're being a stupid bitch," he snapped. "You broke up with me, you ignore me, what do you expect me to do, just keep stalking you or something?"
"Why don't you call me Kayzey anymore?" I mumbled.
"I don't call you Kayzey because that'd just be weird."
"I wouldn't think it was weird, like, I'd kinda like it."
He cupped my shoulder. "Kayzey. Fine, there. Listen. I'd be your friend through anything," he took his hand off. "So stop worrying, ok?"
I rolled my eyes. "Wow, thanks, that makes me feel better. And I wasn't worrying. Gawd."
"Uhh, ok. So what, you still like me?"
I looked him in the eye. His perfect, icey, blue, piercing eyes. How could I lie to him? But I did anyway, 'cuz, you know, that's just how shallow I am. "No. I just miss you."
He swallowed. "Oh. Well I miss you, too. I guess."
I pulled out my lip gloss and put it on, inhaling the scent of watermelon. What I do when I'm freaking out.
"Uh, bye," he said.
I turned around, and as I was walking, someone slapped my butt. I turned around to see Christian. I grinned and slapped his ribs. Slash abs. He put his arm around me. "Kay," he laughed. "You. Are. Really. Mean."
I smirked. "And you are a perv. So we're kinda even here."
I looked behind my shoulder, and Damien was standing there, biting his bottom lip. He looked at me weird and mouthed 'what?' and I just watched as he held Destinee's hand.
"What are you looking at?" Christian asked. "Dame-dame?"
"Wow, you sure you're not bi?" I laughed.
He leaned in and kissed me for five seconds. Pulling away, he smirked. "Uh, yeah, pretty sure."

Why is my life so unfair.