New Movie scene one
in Lolliop
(A girl with red hair is sitting on a couch with a bunch of other kids, they are watching the news)
Orphanage lady: Okay that's enough. (Turns off TV) Tracy you go clean the windows, and the rest of you go clean the bathrooms and other rooms. (Kids move)
Tracy: (Moves) Is the supplies in the cleaning closet
Orpahanage lady: (Disturbed) Well duh! Did you think it would be in the sewer? (Tracy walks away.)
Tracy: (To herself) I wish.............. (Door opens)
Mrs. Lansing: ah, ms. plumen I'm here to foster again. (Tracy stops)
Ms. Plumen: Of course (yells) Everybody come over here. (Kids scurry twords her) What are you looking for Maggie.
Mrs: Lansing: A girl, to be picky with red hair, no freckles, short and of the age of 13 (Stares at Tracy) And preferably her name be Tracy (Takes Tracy's hand)
Ms. Plumen: Great! You can go now if you wish. (Turns to Tracy) Smile, your going home. And go get your stuff! (Tracy runs off)(Comes back with luggage)
Tracy: (Whispers to miss Lansing) Pretend like you don't want me anymore and leave and then I'll sneak out in the middle of the night, it'll be more fun!
(Lights dim)
Mrs. Lansing: Nevermind I don't want that dumb old child, she's just stupid
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CC: There isn't enough description, your missing some punctuation in places, check your spelling, and some things should be capitilized. And if this is going to be a script of sorts, then you have to have some sort of backstory, because all movies have a point. I don't see what this is leading, or if this is important or whatever. Just make it more interesting, so far it's about a girl at an orphanage who gets adopted, then she plays a prank and she's going to run away. Maybe make the girl have some sort of special power? the adult that adopted her secretly running a society for superheroes?
But otherwise, if you take my CC to heart, then this could transform into a wonderful story. Keep it up!
P.S, CC is not a bad thing. It helps you get better.
"Everyone farts. Except girls. GIRLS DON'T FART. Just kidding. But seriously."~Nigahiga