Torture and Healing Chapter 3

This is really good! Great job... and you left us with a MAJOR cliffie! :D:D:D

CC TIME! XD

That night I stayed up on the couch crouched in a tiny ball, covered in a blanket. *scream* That must've been really scary for her... That night, if anything happened, I would find out. Suprisingly (spelling error here! I think it's just a typo, though... S-U-R-P-R-I-S-I-N-G-L-Y... :) ) though, the security cameras didn't show anything about the cat in the bathtub. At the moment when it happened, the screen went fuzzy. Either it was a coincidence, or a curse. Nothing scares us more than the unknown, right? Good job here.

This night the police had five guards inside, guns and all, and five guards outside. We had one pet left, my dog, who was named emma. Two things here: In chapter 1 you said your dog was named Fuzzy. Also, capitolize all names. She was sleeping on her bed just in the kitchen where I could see her. I stared at her for a couple seconds then looked away. A second later I saw a white face poke around the hallway door. This is my nitpicky ways, but I think you should put a little more time here. Has she been on the couch for a couple of seconds? Or is it 3 AM? I pretended to be asleep, but kept my eyes slightly open. Suddenly, I saw the rest of the body. It was a lady with puffy hair and a puffy dress. But she wasn't human, she was completely white. We need some more details here! Saying she was completely white could mean she's wearing a snow-white dress and foundation, that's all. A bit more detail here?

She stared at me for a couple of minutes, making sure I was asleep, then turned to my dog, emma. (Same as above; different name, capitolization.) I gasped silently as she pulled a knife out of the back of her dress. Her knife was also white and you could see through it. Now I knew. This was the lady who had died years ago in the house next door. A person who had lived in this house had murdered her. She was a ghost. She was coming for revenge. *screams*

As she neered (this is spelled N-E-A-R-E-D. :) ) the dog I screamed so loud, I swear a glass broke in our kitchen. The lady looked up, shocked and    --insert comma between SHOCKED and AND---   glared at me, her eyes turning red and    --insert comma between RED and AND--   then disappeared. My family rushed downstairs. I sat there, my eyes seeming to burst out of my head, staring at emma. Same as both above! "Lisa!" My mother screamed, running into the room with slippers and a robe on followed by my dad and the police. This should probably be a new paragraph.

"I-I saw.." I stuttered.

"You saw what?" My mother asked.

I looked into her eyes. "The murderer." --that period should probably be a comma-- I whispered.

She looked around the kitchen."Where?"

"About to kill emma.." I think you know. ;) I answered.

"Who was it?" She asked.

"Y-You won't believe me."

"Yes I will. Tell me."

"Remember the lady who lived next door and was murdered by the man living in this house?" I stumbled.

"Yes..."

"It was her. She's a ghost coming to get revenge. She looked at me with her evil red eyes! I can tell! I'm the next to go!" I cried, digging my face under my moms posessive, so apostrophre here! arm. My mom looked at my dads same as with Mom shocked face and to the police. Everyone was quiet. And then they heard a gunshot. CLIFFIE!! XD 

Okay, I love this chapter. However, here's somethingn... when Lisa says 'with her evil red eyes!' it's kind of overly dramatic. Maybe change this bit...? It's just that when you read it, it seems a little... cheesy.

However, this is still REALLY EPIC!! :D

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I'm not clumsy. I'm graceful and just act clumsy so that less fortunate humans, like, I dunno, Olympic athletes, don't feel bad and jealous. XP

~ LST XD

True. I have a lot of mistakes cause I wrote it a LONG time ago :)

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