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Untitled: Chapter One

Untitled: Chapter One

SilverRipple's picture
by ThePianoSupport (Stara)
in your mind.

The sky rumbles and darkens. The nightime stars glitter weakly before flicking out, covered by black clouds. I feel my feet running across the ground. But I am being pulled back, like I'm running up a river with a strong current. The tide around my legs seems to change, and I see the ocean.

Standing on the beach is a women. She is middle aged, and looks straight at me. She smiles.

Everything changes.

I am now looking at a child. She's standing next to me, in a rushing river. I reach out to pull her out, though she's not fighting the current. She looks at me suddenly, and she grabs my arm. She pulls me down and under the water. The water feels calming, and I keep my eyes open. Suddenly, I can't breathe anymore. The cold water chills me and fights the warm air inside my body. I start to feel lightness in my head and I close my eyes.

I am laying on my bed, taking deep ragged breaths. I swear I can feel the frozen water sloshing through my lungs. I look up and see an old woman-more like an old hag looking down at me. Her face is emotionless. She reaches over my face and places her gnarled hand on my forehead. I close my eyes.


See more stories by ThePianoSupport (Stara)
That's really attention

That's really attention grabbing, good way to begin a story. hmmm...I want to know what happens next!

Kiki:(after Red Queen has a hysterical fit of laughter) Am I missing something?

Neina:I think SHE'S missing something...

Behold! The WALRUS! It's like a vampire, but better!~Neina

Posted by Rainbowbubble on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 18:20
Wow - you did a really

Wow - you did a really really good job on this!

 

 

 

~Kay~

Posted by Kay on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 18:27
Oooh,

Oooh, awesome!

______________________________________________________

~*^*Athena*^*~

 "A house divided cannot stand."~Abraham Lincoln.

WRITE NOT FIGHT!

Posted by Athena on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 18:38
what happens next it is a

what happens next it is a cliff hanger TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

Posted by Alyssa on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 18:54
I love it! Randomly, it

I love it!

Randomly, it kinda of reminded me of an Old Spice commercial, especially the line "I am now looking at a child" :)

*~Mac~* Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing.~ Dwight Schrute

Posted by Mac & Nicole on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 19:14
Yay!  I love it!  Is this

Yay!  I love it!  Is this the Norse story?  HMMM?  Either way, it's very captivating and magical, so awesome job!

 

*~Word Bandit~* (: This is my signature. Don't you love it? :)

Posted by Word Bandit on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 19:55
To Mac: Er, no not old

To Mac: Er, no not old spice. Yuck. I haven't really seen any of those commercials either...:P Word Bandit: Maybe...:D You'll have to see, though this probably gave that it is away. But it might not be!! Mwa hah hah! :D

Imagination stays alive.

Posted by Stara Altaira on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 20:38
Grr.  I'll survive as long

Grr.  I'll survive as long as you post the next chapter.  RIGHT.  NOW!  GET WRITING MISSY!  =]

 

*~Word Bandit~* (: This is my signature. Don't you love it? :)

Posted by Word Bandit on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 20:44
You haven't seen

You haven't seen them? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE&feature=channel . It was just the transition that reminded me of it. Your story is much better than Old Spice. :)

*~Mac~* Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing.~ Dwight Schrute

Posted by Mac & Nicole on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 21:30


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