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October 30th, 2007
After Maryam and I had a very interesting talk on multiple series she alerted me to the fact that she was the author of "Ana: Assasin of the Mafia". I am now reading it completey and am prepared to give a detailed critic of it. However I might have to put it into several pieces.
First I have TWO VERY IMPORTANT POINTS.
1st: Everyone who wrote things like: Realy good. Uh, yeah. Who cares? If you can't tell what was good then don't bother saying it because it realy doesn't do much except take up this site's max. space.
2nd: I looked at what you wrote ("Please read my book Ana: Assasin of the Mafia") and I just said: Hmmm, something's a little strange about this. I'm the kind of person who sits around thinking about something until I understand it. And then I saw it. Do you, by any chance mean ASSASSIN of the Mafia, because the word Assasin does now actualy exist. Is this intentional, but if not then...*cringe*.
Chap 3: 7 inches is a bit large for a revolver actually, unless it's the buky type which I doubt an assassin would use. "She sat there for about ten minutes" is a little bit too accurate don't you think: maybe for "a while" or for "Longer than was allowed by the Mafia's laws" or something. "she went to his back " doesn't make sense.
Chap 4: VERY short, too short to be 1 chapter (Out of interest how many A4 pages is it in total?).
Chap 5: "OK, I hope this makes up for the super-short chappie 4. Comments, please!" this isn't much longer btw. Nice though. Check puntuation.
K, i'll do the rest lata! bye....and sry if this insults u in any way.
micha
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nah, i like it!! i like
nah, i like it!! i like having someone comment negatively so i can prove them all wrong.. hee hee hee.
i guess that isn;t the way you're really supposed to take those, though.... :)
so:
2: oh, really/??? i didn;t know that! thanks!
3: actually, i think right then i meant centimetres... sorry, cause in saudi arabia we use that system, rather thn inches in the US... don;t know what possessed me to put it... anyway.
'she went to his back'... this is like, when he turned around and stopped, she went to his back.. wait. i'm not really making any sense here, am i?
it's like she went behind him. hope that clarifys it.
4: i agree. i honestly should have made it longer or, at least, added it to another chapter. i think what i mean by chapter every time in the title are really pages. and i haven;t calculated the number of A4 pages so...
thank you so much for this! i really didn;t expect you to actually make a separate story about it, just like comments.
anyway, love the criticism (i guess i deserve it after the Tears Falling comments :) and pls keep it up!
M
In response to the one where
In response to the one where you said she was too detailed, I think a lot of detail was one of the factors that made Ana: Assassin of the Mafia great. Also, you had quite a few grammar errors in this review itself.
Grammar errors? Reall? Ou?
Grammar errors? Reall? Ou? Where?
I never said anything against it that it wasn't great. Actualy the time one was one I stole from one of my editors who told me putting a certain number of minutes was unnecessary and robust.
I'll write the rest soon.
--Micha
"
The road goes ever on and on,
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins a larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither the