Mango Tango (finished piece)

Mango Tango (finished piece)
by Gracie and Megan

" Oh my gosh"! There we were watching a mango do the tango. He was holding a rose as red as your pumping heart, in his mouth. He spun so fast that he fell off the stage. SPLAT!!!!!!!!!! Mango juice went everywhere! We rushed the mango to the fruity hospital.The mango Dr. said "You won't be able to do the mango tango for 1 whole year. Mango thought that was horrible! the mago tango was his career. What was mango going to do? Just sqash around all day. But the worst thing that can happen to a mango besides not doing the tango is being cut up and eaten by a human. I wonder if humans know we mangos have feelings too, you kow!Even though we mangos are tasty it doesn't mean that they can pick on us. With a fork! Although we are pretty tasty. Why am I saying this??? Have I gone mad? Maybe I should watch some TV to calm me down. Click! Hey there parterners! Everybody come to the Wall-to-Wall Wall Mart to buy the best mangos you have ever tasted. There sweet and sour. Ahhhhhhhhhh! To much mango chewing, chomping, eating, and biting business! Click! I thinkI should go to the Fruity Hospital. Well I better get going.Vroom, Vroom!" Oh , look I'm already here." "Oh, come on. It takes them forever to sign me in to a room."Sir, your docter is here. We're going to begin with surgery now.Ok. Surgery! I don't to sugery! You'll cut me up, thats what humans do. (1 year later) Yaaaaaaaaa! Now I can do the tango again.Well I going to do my own show. I am going to do a split! Narrater: that doesn't sound to good. SPLIT! OW! I broke my legs off! TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Great, i like the bit about

Great, i like the bit about as red as your pumping heart.
A bit on the short side and very imaginative and free spirited.
Check out stories by Obi like Angeliss the Chapter Book

Gracie: Thanks for the great

Gracie: Thanks for the great comment sorry i couldn't get to you sooner, we were in class!
Megan: And we will check out Angeliss the chapter book!
Megan and Gracie:thanks for the comment!

Girls, have you looked at

Girls, have you looked at stories by Obi. Enoch is right about checking these out. They could help you further your piece. I agree, it is a little short, but very imaginative. Could you try elaborating on some of the events in the story? Maybe try adding more details and images. You two are blossoming into writers. Good job.
~~Mrs. Lovello~~

thank you so much for the

thank you so much for the information!!!!!!!!

This sounds almost like a

This sounds almost like a narrative poem. I like it. You could really make it into a funny children's book. Great visualization. Super Word Choice. Do you want a press, praise, or comment?
Mrs. Lovello

Ha! Mangos are my

Ha! Mangos are my favorite!!!
This is so funny!
***
~Vanessa:)
--
"A good writer write's from their soul..."
"Taking writing away from an author is like taking water away from a fish."

thanks Vanessa!!! type back

thanks Vanessa!!! type back

Wow I think it's funny, the

Wow I think it's funny, the part about a mango doing a tango. I am super creative, and I couldn't think of that!

thanks Allie!!!!!! type back

thanks Allie!!!!!! type back

a mango doing the tango to

a mango doing the tango to bad i didn't think first great job keep writing Ethan


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