Dawn's Guide to Details

Well...I think that details are what give stories character! Take my series, Learners of Magic.

Here's how it might be written by a new writer:
Look what I found yels Peter, dragging along the trunk that he had found then he saw his siter and his friends.

Ugh! Let's revise it. After Revision:
"Look what I found!" yelled Peter, dragging along the trunk that he had found. Then he saw his sister and his friends.

Plain, isn't it? Let's describe that trunk and give the other characters names:
"Look what I found!" yelled Peter, dragging along the old, brown trunk that he had found. Then he saw his sister Anna and his two friends Dawn and Josephine.

Still plain. Let's have a bit more plot:
"Look what I found!" cried Peter, dragging along the old, brown trunk that he had found. He dropped it and collapsed across it. "Let me see!" It was his siter, Anna, who was joined by their friends Dawn and Josephine.

Wait! We need a setting:
"Look what I found!" cried Peter, dragging along the old, brown trunk that he had found in his house. He dropped it and collapsed across it. "Let me see!" It was his siter, Anna, who was joined by their friends Dawn and Josephine, who were staying at Peter's this summer.

Now let's add a bit more to the story in general:
"Look what I found!" cried Peter, dragging along the old, brown trunk that he had found in his house. He dropped it and collapsed across it. "Let me see!" It was his siter, Anna, who was joined by their friends Dawn and Josephine, who were staying at Peter's this summer.

Dawn threw open the trunk, and ignoring all the other bits, grabbed the book and began reading: "The Book of Magic. Spell One: Giving Life to Sponge Ravens."

See? The paragraph:
Look what I found yels Peter, dragging along the trunk that he had found then he saw his siter and his friends.

Became the paragraphs:
"Look what I found!" cried Peter, dragging along the old, brown trunk that he had found in his house. He dropped it and collapsed across it. "Let me see!" It was his siter, Anna, who was joined by their friends Dawn and Josephine, who were staying at Peter's this summer.

Dawn threw open the trunk, and ignoring all the other bits, grabbed the book and began reading: "The Book of Magic. Spell One: Giving Life to Sponge Ravens."

Gaia: If you think I copied you too much, just tell me!