hello My Name is Olivia chapter 1 (please comment)
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Kathryn in my room, in my p.j's, listening to Taylor Swift, stuffing my face with popcorn, with my gecko on my head playing games with my ferret... Ahhh... Saturday.. |
March 5th, 2010
I looked around the museum frantically. Wow they really did have a lot of artifacts here. Six levels of pure artifacts. I wandered over to the display of presidential busts. “Ugh. Olivia stay on track,” I whispered to myself. I flattened the Hello My Name Is Olivia across my shirt, and smiled a distraught smile to the lady at the front desk. Then I walked to the 1500’s section.
Okay so you are probably really confused right. Well I should probably rewind to the beginning and help you catch up. Hello my Name is Olivia and I am a reporter, so to speak. I find out about what new write a report and give it to Mr. Bumsworth at the publishers. Ozzie that’s my dog he’s chained outside to a tree. He is my lawful companion and he follows me everywhere I go. Recently I had a man come talk to me about publishing his article. I said I would ask, and he said it must be published I said okay and he handed me the slip of paper. I read it without thinking.
AMAZING FORGERY DONE BY NONE OTHER THEN JOSE LILT.
Jose Lilt strikes again creating another amazing forgery and left unseen. It happened in Janis Maretty’s Mansion some time last week. She had a priceless painting of Horatio Willemstead (1489 – 1533.) in her study. It was said that it had a clue for riches on the back, but she never bothered to check. He is said to be in disguise waiting to strike again.
I looked up at the man. He smiled at me and said through gritted teeth. “Publish it,” I knew he wasn’t lying about the forgery, because we had many reports on it. I had even gone and checked it out.
The only thing that troubled me was that it had not been released to the public.
“How did you find out about it?” I asked. He did not answer me and again he only said
“Publish it.”
“Right away,” I said sheepishly.
“Good,” he said satisfied. The minute he had left I crumpled the paper into a tight ball and threw it in the trash.
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Good start, mysteries are always great, you just need to make a few minor adjustments. For instance, when you say, "Ozzie that's my do he's chained outside to a tree", it sounds a little rough. Just put a few more semicolons, periods and commas in there and you got it!
(: This is my signature. Don't you love it? :)
oh yeah I like it. yeah but Laura's right cuz you don't have that much punctuation. seems very very good!