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Look, I'm not even sure what this is *trigger warning, also cursing*

Look, I'm not even sure what this is *trigger warning, also cursing*

Posted March 4th, 2013 by pluzzle

by john nestle (clay)
in side

March 5th, 2013

 

Does anyone else hear voices? The ones that taunt you, the ones that try and push you over the edge. Not the ones telling you that you did well, that you're amazing. No. The ones that bring you down every minute of the day, the ones that try and melt you down until you're nothing. You're gone. You're dead. Because of that one, tiny, voice. It brings you down every minute of the day, when you eat, when you look in the mirror. When you begin to feel happy it tells you you’re a piece of shit. 

 

It’s the thing that tells people to kill themselves. The thing that tells people to cut. Harm is caused by this one little voice. 

 

Sometimes, the voice isn’t in your head. Sometimes, it’s a real person, a bully. Maybe it’s a friend, thinking that you know they’re joking. But you don’t know. What they said permanently hurts you, scars you, and they don’t even realise. I think the hardest part of having this happen to you is actually the fact that you spend time with them. 

 

I know what it feels like, to be suicidal. In fact... I really still am. I came close, the other day. I was so close to swallowing those pills. To finding a bridge. To getting a gun. I don’t know what stopped me. I do know what brought me that far. 

-

Picture this.

 

You’re alone. It’s night, you’re in bed. You cannot fall asleep. The cold Winter air bites at your neck, the only exposed part of your body. Then, a tiny little whisper abounds from your half-asleep mind.

 

Cut. 

 

You don’t want to give in. The voice isn’t even real. It’s a figment. Of your dark, swirled, crazy imagination.

 

Do it. You know where the blades are. You’ll feel better.

 

You start to cry. It’s been 2 weeks since you last relapsed. But then again, it does feel good...

 

That’s right. It does. Now do it.

 

You finally reach over to the table and grab the box. It’s rather small. But that’s all it needs to be. You fiddle with your dimmer on the light. It’s on, but rather dark. You open it and grab the sharpest razor you can find. It drags across your skin slowly, but still making blood bubble up and drip down your wrist.

 

Good. Feel better?

 

Yes. Yes I do.

-

That’s what it’s like. It’s more like the first or second cut. When you get addicted, sometimes you don’t even need the voice to tell you what to do. You just do it. Stopping is the hardest part. But then, again, how would I know. I haven’t stopped.

 

The one thing you should do is reach out, get help. And don’t be a bitch. You never know who is on the edge of life. Greet everyone, give a smile, a hug, anything. Just please, don’t be an idiot. I know many people who have nearly pushed me over the edge. At such a young age.

 

Stay strong.

 

Love,

 

pluzzle/Charlotte.

 

 

DON'T ASK OKAY HM


See more stories by john nestle (clay)
I try. It's not that easy,

I try.
It's not that easy, but thank you.
Best of luck to you and all else.

Every day, Tina and Mike's Asian fusion grows stronger.
– Artie

We’re as menacing as Muppet Babies.
– Kurt

One day you will all work for me.
– Kurt

Posted by Sunsets (S.E) on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 22:18
I know it's not that easy.

I know it's not that easy. Trust me.

You too. Good luck, I think o_o

Posted by Charli (pluzzle) on Tue, 03/05/2013 - 00:48
This is so sad, amazing, and

This is so sad, amazing, and unfortunately true at the same time! I love the writing. It's well-written and I could feel the emotion. It's so sad that this is true and it can cause people to kill themselves.

CC: Realised is realized. And maybe you should put a warning in the title that there's cursing.

I don't know of this from personal experience, but I've heard enough about it to last me a lifetime. Best of luck!

Please read and comment on my KP story, Saving KidPub - http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/saving-kidpub-chapter-1-17341...

Posted by Venus McFlytrap... on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 23:00
Thanks (:   Thanks for the

Thanks (:

 

Thanks for the advice!! Realised has an s because I am Australian, haha but thank-you anyway! Will do.

Posted by Charli (pluzzle) on Tue, 03/05/2013 - 00:46
Hey dearest! I'm Kay:)

Hey dearest! I'm Kay:) *shakes hand*... Okay so wow. This is...wow. You are obviously going through a lot, and I won't ask what. I know that is private and for you to know and you only. But we are all here for you. I've been suicidal for the last couple of years, and have been addicted to cutting for 2 years. I am now 1 month and 2 weeks free from cutting. Trust me, I know, it always feels better after you see the blood drop. It makes you feel satisfied, sort of. The burning and itching on your arm goes away, the voices shut up, and life seems to improve for the moment. The hardest part is getting to stop, I know that. I'm not completely over it and I relapse all the time. But I am here to talk if you need somebody, anytime okay? I'm sure you are an amazing person, even though you may not think so yourself. Just remember that you are never alone and there will ALWAYS be people in this world who will care about how you treat yourself. You are beautiful inside and out, I know this for sure. Never forget that:)

 

 

- Kay - Just because I am different, doesn't mean I'm weak. ~~Me~~

Posted by Kay on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 23:24
Hello I'm Charlotte ^.^ Aw

Hello I'm Charlotte ^.^ Aw danke (: Good for you, keep going :DD 

 

You're too kind... ;) I know you are amazing too ^_^_^ (double smiley strangeness)

Posted by Charli (pluzzle) on Tue, 03/05/2013 - 00:47
Oh...Pluzzle...I can't- I

Oh...Pluzzle...I can't- I knew things were bad, but I didn't- we all love you.

 

"Funerals are for the living."- TheAshWolf

Posted by The Velvet Touch on Tue, 03/05/2013 - 08:55
Beautiful. Very beautiful.

Beautiful. Very beautiful. You're very good at capturing the emotion.
I hope you feel better, Pluzzle c: We'll support you throughout this mess.

Fear cuts deeper than swords~Syrio Forel / Arya Stark.

Posted by Dracarys (Lauren) on Tue, 03/05/2013 - 09:43
Sophie: :) Danke. Lauren:

Sophie: :) Danke.

Lauren: Haha thanks (: 

Posted by pluzzle on Fri, 04/05/2013 - 18:22
OH gosh, I almost cried, I

OH gosh, I almost cried, I am sorry for what you are going through. And just in case you haven't read it, I will repost it in this comment.....

You are amazing.

You are strong.

You are smart.

You are brave.

Don't let them hurt you anymore.

Speak up,

You're strong,

You can do this.

Show them,

you are more.

You are amazing.

And you are strong.

Though you may not forget.

All the pain,

that has been,

inflicted on you.

You may forgive it.

You say you can't do it.

You say it won't end.

But death is not a path to take.

It only brings more darkness.

Cutting only inflicts more pain upon yourself.

Tell me,

what does that leave?

It leaves you a choice.

Continue to be silent.

Or be courageous.

You are strong,

You are brave,

You can do this!

Speak up,

and fight for what you KNOW is right!

You don't deserve the pain you feel.

And as a friend i am saying this:

I am here. 

 

 

"Not stealing, just borrowing with intent to keep" ~Paelen from Pegasus

"I used to like math, then it turned into algebra." ~ Me

"I am more than you ever imagine" ~Iris

Posted by Leighla on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 19:30

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