page one of my fantasy story
by Alyssa
in California
September 6th, 2010
See more stories by Alyssa
in California
September 6th, 2010
Page one of fantasy story
The swish of wings in my ears tell me that I am flying, flying on my pet who is well this might sound awkward, but my unicorn. I am Princess Mari of the land of Fantasia I love flying on Misty the unicorn but I am limited on freedom, because I am I would love to fly away and go into the town but Silence, my father has strict rules about what I do. But not for much longer for tonight after the sun sets I fly.
I fly away from this castle.
To be continued
See more stories by Alyssa
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Good job - but a little CC if you want it:
When you are saying 'flying on my pet who is well this might sound awkward' the reader continues. You might want to make them pause a little bit, normally you would do this though 'flying on my pet, who is well, this might sound awkward.... '
Then when you say 'I am princess Mari of the land of Fantasha I love flying on Misty' you would do 'I am princess Mari of the land of Fantasha and I love flying on Misty'
Also add some more, have fun with it! Please dont take my advice if you dont want it!!! I think this story has potential.
~Kay~