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The universe and beyond

The universe and beyond

Posted March 6th, 2013 by MayaGold

by kellic
in cidental

March 8th, 2013

I realised yesterday,

that I was a speck in billions.

that I didn't matter if I disappeared,

that life was a miniscule fraction,

of the universe, so black and endless.

It gave me a weird feeling,

I felt so small and useless,

but then again it meant,

that some things really don't matter.

It's not as if the universe will collapse,

if I wear pink socks instead of blue.

The planets won't explode,

if I poke my brother,

or I fail in my maths test.

And however depressing death can be,

life will come back at the very same second.

It just makes you realise,

how small we really are,

compared to the universe,

compared to infinity

and beyond.


See more stories by kellic
Nicely written. It was a bit

Nicely written. It was a bit choppy, but it really brought out what you were trying to say, that tiny things never really changed the outside world, how small we were. It's also inspiring- "and however depressing death can be, life will come back at the very same second." 

 

"I realised yesterday, 

that I was a speck in billions, (comma)

 

that I didn't matter if I disappeared, (Comma)

that life was a miniscule fraction

of the universe, so black and endless" (period)

 

As you see, just a few punctuation errors. This is why it seemed slightly choppy, the punctuation.

 

 

It gave me a weird feeling,

I felt so small and useless (hyphen or comma)

but then again it meant

that some things really don't matter (period or dash/hyphen)

 

Again, just a few commas or dashes/hyphens are needed.

 

 

It's not as if the universe will collapse

if I wear pink socks instead of blue (period)

The planets won't explode

if I poke my brother (comma)

or I fail in my maths test.

And however depressing death can be (comma)

life will come back at the very same second (period)

It just makes you realise 

how small we really are (comma)

compared to the universe (comma)

compared to infinity

and beyond.

 

That's the general criticism, careful punctuation. However, it was a very well written poem, and I'm glad I got to read it. Hope to see more of your writing!

 

 

 

 

"Funerals are for the living."- TheAshWolf

Posted by The Velvet Touch on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 12:00

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