You Don't Belong Here.
 | by
Cream- Puff Cupcake <3 in ecstasy watching AVPM!! |
February 1st, 2012
Ok. Just saying, here the title doesn't have anything to do with what happening. But if I continue, it will....
Everyone was staring at me as if I was nuts.
"You want to do WHAT?" my best friend Blue asked. I answered back:
"I want to go beyond the Words." even though I felt like a bug under a microscope. Everbody gasped. Then, I was flooded with a barrage of questions.
"When are you leaving?"
"Silvina! It's too dangerous!"
"I want to come with you!"
Suddenly, all motion and frenzied questions stopped. "You? With me?" I asked Sheine. I knew her, but she always had seemed shy, and withdrawn.
Narrators Update/Continuation
Silvinazoi was stunned. A young girl, about her age (not that young actually) had asked to travel beyond the Words, that had built the city of Basiloculus. Sheine stunned her by inviting her to her house and showing Silvina her wide collection of poison tipped darts and daggers. Silvina took on the journey with her, only her pet piglet, Brillo, a backpack full of weapons, food, clothes and medicine, and arm length rapier.
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That was pretty good!
I like this. Very intriguing. I hope you post more soon!
This is a good start to a story. The way how it starts with action and people the reader doesn't know yet, but not so much as to make them really confused, really draws me in and want to read more!
Your word choice here: 'a young girl, about her age (not that young actually)' is a bit confusing, though. Are you saying that the girl wasn't quite as young as the main character, or that the main character isn't very young? And there are a couple type-o's: After "...Words." should be a comma rather than a period, and you wrote 'to dangerous' instead of 'too'.
I like your writing style in this. I hope you continue!
--
*laughs in insane relief* "It's real..." *more confidently* "It's real! It's REAL!" *flies to a different place* "All these years, you thought I was mad. King of the Wasteland! But something is calling me, Doctor, what is it?! WHAT IS IT?!"
ERG!! I have to change that part. It's confusing yes. Thanks for sorta editing it!! I will make changes.
~ I don't have Writers Block. Nor do I have Writers Boulder, or even Writers Skyscraper. I HAVE FREAKING WRITERS GREAT WALL OF CHINA!!!~ Me.