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Summer Sorrows chapter 1

Summer Sorrows chapter 1

Posted June 18th, 2014 by yasminzadu

by Yasmin
in British Columbia

My best friend Talia and I sat by Mr.Bentley's desk after school on the last day of school, The fan and air conditioner blew my bangs of my face, and even with those ways to cool off, I was sweating like crazy. I suddenly heard the door open. Mr bentley was unsually wearing a neon yellow t shirt and black soccer shorts instead of his normal suit and tie. I ignored it though. The only thing I wanted an answer on was why I had to stay here late. I could already be on summer vacation by now!  Mr Bentley held a genuine grin ." Katelyn and Talia, please sit.' I sat down with a serious look on my face. "Congrats!" Mr.B said. 'Aren't you gifted and talented!" I looked at him weirdly. What was he talking about?


See more stories by Yasmin
Maybe you should make it a

Maybe you should make it a bit longer, but otherwise, it's really good!

Posted by Swallowtail on Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:22
I think it's great! I went

I think it's great! I went to your link and read the chapters. The first one is really short, but overall, awesome job!

Posted by Ally on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 14:36
Thanks! I wasn't expecting

Thanks! I wasn't expecting anyone to comment on chapter 1 while already this far in the series!

Read about Katelyn's summer in my story Summer Sorrows!: www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/Summer-Sorrows-chapter-1-2958148748

Posted by Yasmin on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 15:12
Hi, im from that "Do you

Hi, im from that "Do you wanna get your work checked?" Thingy. And here are some suggestions,

 

-First off, maybe you should make it longer.  

-there's one sentence "the fan and air conditioner blew the bangs OF my face,"

ItI should be "blew the bangs OFF my face

 

There are not many other ones, so keep rocking! 

 

"If your born poor its not your fault, if you die poor it is your fault! "

Posted by Nisha on Wed, 07/09/2014 - 15:06
Thanks! I know I have to

Thanks! I know I have to make my chapters longer, but I didn't realize the of and off thing. So thanks!

Read about Katelyn's summer in my story Summer Sorrows!: www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/Summer-Sorrows-chapter-1-2958148748

Posted by yasminzadu on Wed, 07/09/2014 - 20:49

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