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*~Adrian's Graveyard~* Excerpt ~ "Cornered in Crimson"

*~Adrian's Graveyard~* Excerpt ~ "Cornered in Crimson"

Posted January 11th, 2013 by maxi

by Max
in Erissa, Erilea, Westeros, The New York Institute, Roshar, Scadrial, New Chicago, Eye of the World, Metallica and Questeria

A/N: asdfghjkllkjhgfdsa I FINALLY POSTED SOME(thing. x_x) AG EXCERPT! Though, this one is more of the suspense type than the dramatic fighting scene type. ;__; I was gonna post this other climax excerpt but I couldn't be bothered. *__* If you were wondering, NO, this is not from one of the AG Notebooks I am writing in. I just wanted to write it, okay? =_= This is also 700 words; well, 698 words. x_x WHATEVER DOES IT MATTER and this actual chapter would be about 10x or 20x bigger than what this excerpt is. >_> Yeah, sorry about the long-y-ness of the chapters. ._. They seriously just turn out that way.

 

ANYWAYS WE DON'T NEED TO GET INTO DAT BUSINESS

WELCOME TO MY BOOK'S EXCERPTS

(I WILL HAVE THE ACTUAL PROLOGUE AFTER I WRITE MOAR

;_; I'M PROMISING YOU.

(LOL WHAT? xD)

 

 

 

All the people—every single one in the Graveyard’s Mansion—they say he is the good guy; they say “He’s everything I want to be…” and more things just to cheer Adrian up and put that cheery and nostalgically warm smile against the pale skin of his face. And he was always cheery with great excitement and always wanting to know if he was still alive with air. Not all the time he felt that way, however, and this was a bad. And he was always cheery with great excitement and always wanting to know if he was still alive with air. Not all the time he felt that way, however, and this was a bad yet a good thing for him.

Gosh, don’t kill me don’t kill me please no no no please GOD NO!—Adrian’s lungs screamed inside of him, feeling like an implosion was all his body needed to die; to curl up into a scrawny and little rough ball of nothingness…and die.

“…Fletcher, Kelly…helpme!” Adrian whispered ever so quietly, it was hard to even hear him breathe—breathing was something he didn’t want to do. He just wanted to hide in this dark closet filled with spiders and cobwebs forevermore until the sun burnt the Earth. Don’t find me here I don’t want to die please god let him get away from me please please please I hate him so muuuch—

There was a bump that had made the boy frighten and tense up consumed to the point where he just wanted to scream and shout and let it all out from his empty soul (that was if it hadn’t been taken by his brother…)—is there any point in having this Graveyard? Now that the zombies and—Yet again, the bump continued and Adrian continued to be freaked out way too much. But no noises entered the closet he was in at this moment…no, it wasn’t that. Though there was more to be afraid of also—the fact that what had happened to Alex’s Lab and what happened to Samuel’s Sanctuary—but Adrian didn’t care about his brother or his father. Both of them were despicable and cruel huma—creatures­ that and none of them should deserve to live because they were—

“Oh, no. Crapping no way! Somebody is in the room—oh my gosh!—don’t be my father. Please don’t be Samuel—please,” Adrian’s mouth blabbered on and on as thoughts continued to enter in and out his mind. The slightly chestnut brown door creaked open with a screech, as it was aligned with pure darkness, the night already out and the moon in its place.

Adrian didn’t want to be here alone—yet alone being here in the first place, hiding from the person who used to be a guardian of his—but the climax (well, at least, to him) was rising and rising so high that there was no explanation for a word. The war was on yet it was not really a war but more of a big Graveyard chaos that was consuming into this area; into the closet; into everything that Adrian was scared of and everything that hewould be scared of, in that case. Footsteps lurked into the room as far as the eye could see and yet again, Adrian felt like there was no reason to live anymore.

“…Fight me, Adrian…” a voice that was quite familiar to him whispered so low that it sounded like a whole new world had gathered as Adrian was in that clos—“…fight me and everything shall be okay. Fight me now…or I’ll fight you inside there as I shall throw you off the ledge off the balcony…” it hissed another couple of sentences, hollering motions and gestures with the person’s hands. “NOW! RIGHT NOW, ADRIAN!!!” Adrian knew that voice now yet he was too scared to let it slip out of his mouth—but he did it and didn’t care what anybody thought.

As he opened the door of the creaky closet, Adrian saw the muscular man that had ruined his dreams, power, his doubt, his love, his skills and hobbies.

“Ha ha, Daddy’s home…” said Alex Meclow.

 

A/N: ;_; Sorry for typos/spellings/word bizzo. It's MS Word being stupid after copy and past. ^v^

Also, I posted a sneak peek of AG once...(forget I posted that and never look at it)...

THE EXCERPT WAS FROM CHAPTER TWENTY-SOMETHING. I FORGET. >_>

 

 

 

 

 


See more stories by Max
O.o o.O O.O Amaaaaaaaaaaazzzz

O.o
o.O
O.O
Amaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzziiiiiiiinnnngggg! This excerpt ninja'd my mind with insane overwhelming epicalness!! Only CC is that it seems somewhat choppy, everywhere, and then the gammar errors... ok.... shall go spazz over this some more
*hugs excerpt*

"Our God is Greater, Our God is Stronger, God You are Higher than any other..." <3

Posted by bookworm1999 on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 06:28
D^:< Choppy? Yeah--sorry

D^:< Choppy? Yeah--sorry about that. It's late over here and I wrote it quite late at 9 pm and things got funny. x_x

Adrian sounds like a goon gone wild. <:^J

Thanks for the CC and for reading. :'D Hope you follow the book! ^_^

 

~Only Australians make the best pavlovas--that is because that is the only place where they make it.~

Posted by The Maxster on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 06:32
Sorry.... Hope? HOPE!? I

Sorry....
Hope?
HOPE!?
I will!!! *squeeeeee*

"Our God is Greater, Our God is Stronger, God You are Higher than any other..." <3

Posted by Magic Man (Kendra) on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 06:34
<:^) Thanks, Kendra!

<:^) Thanks, Kendra! ^_^

 

~Only Australians make the best pavlovas--that is because that is the only place where they make it.~

Posted by The Maxster on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 06:36
Psshh no prob... *returns to

Psshh no prob...
*returns to American History*

"Our God is Greater, Our God is Stronger, God You are Higher than any other..." <3

Posted by Magic Man (Kendra) on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 06:38
(*SQUEAL*) I'm in love with

(*SQUEAL*) I'm in love with the last line. This was utterly amazing. SERIOUSLY. <3 You must post the Prologue soon. I will post BHB too. OR.. no. We should post it at the same time for awesomeness. I dunno. X'D *starts searching manically through your track for that sneak peek D:<*

Mina: Yo, Samuel, Alex....Get away from my Adrian. *leaps in front of them and introduces Mr. Grenade to them* 
Both: Uh... Mr. Grenade?
Mina: Have some duct tape too. ^_^ *tapes them to the wall* >:'D GO ADRIAN, GO!
 

Book I | Chapter One * Bringing Humanity Back *NEW* Chapter One is finally out!

*~Click here to read!~*</

Posted by Jessica Tophatson on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 07:29
OMPJJJJJJJ MAX MAX MAX

OMPJJJJJJJ MAX MAX MAX ITSFINALLYHERE!!!!!! *le dances psychoness*

 Epyk. All I have to say to describe it. AND EEEVIL CLIFFY!!! *murders cliffy*

Write more. Now. I command it of you.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

If you hear voices in your head that aren't even talking to you...you're probably an author.

Posted by Da Franksta (Ma... on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 08:24
This is fantastic!! I'll

This is fantastic!! I'll definitely be following! The CC I had was already mentioned, so I won't repeat it. Please post more soon!

Please enter my genre contest! http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/genre-contest-please-enter-17...

Posted by SnowyOwl (Abbey... on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 10:25
This is what some people

This is what some people would call amazing. This is what some people would call awesome.

This is what I call SUPER-DUPER AWESOME AMAZING FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

 

-----

Please check out Life Against Death (previously Untitled): http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/untitled-story-prolouge-20811...

And please get an awesome book cover (for free): http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=3053

~~Lydia~~

Posted by Lydia on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 10:33
This is epical! :D I've

This is epical! :D I've never actually read AG, just heard of it, but I'm loving this excerpt. XD

CC:

And he was always cheery with great excitement and always wanting to know if he was still alive with air. Not all the time he felt that way, however, and this was a bad. And he was always cheery with great excitement and always wanting to know if he was still alive with air. Not all the time he felt that way, however, and this was a bad yet a good thing for him.

Waaaaaiiiiit. Is it just me, or did those sentences sorta repeat? O_e

“…Fletcher, Kelly…helpme!”

You need a space there, unless you meant to do that. :P

Adrian continued to be freaked out way too much.

I suggest changing this sentence bit. :P It sounds a bit...strange, or slanglike, but maybe that's just me. XD

Both of them were despicable and cruel huma—creatures­ that and none of them should deserve to live because they were—

Reread the sentence. XD I think you meant "Both of them were despicable and cruel huma—creatures that didn't deserve to live because they were—" :P

or I’ll fight you inside there as I shall throw you off the ledge off the balcony…

 I love the plainness of that sentence. XD XD XD Anyways, did you mean "and" instead of "as"? Also, that last bit...I think you meant "as I shall throw you off the ledge of the balcony..." but I'm not sure.

ruined his dreams, power, his doubt, his love, his skills and hobbies.

To make more flow, you can put a "his" before each of these, or take out all of them except the first "his". /hopes that makes sense xD

~~~Let it go....*~Burst~*~~~

Posted by Ratatoskr (Che... on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 11:05
XD Oh my gosh, I repeated

XD Oh my gosh, I repeated the exact same sentence. (*epic facepalm*)

Thanks for the CC, Cherry! <:^D Yeah, some of the parts didn't need spaces since he was muttering it to himself very fast.

 

~Only Australians make the best pavlovas--that is because that is the only place where they make it.~

Posted by The Maxster on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:05
Favorited :D I'd favorite it

Favorited :D I'd favorite it twice if I knew how to.

This is epic! I love it! The mood it gives is amazing– I want MORE!

:D Post more soon. PLEEAASE.  

 

Sapphire

––––––––––––––––– http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/wolf-moon-feathers-and-blood-... – At Death's call, even the greatest can fall...

Posted by Sapphire (Nikki) on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:17
And you think you're a crap

And you think you're a crap author? x___x

 

Max, this is awesome, great, and synonyms of them two words. X3 And look at all these comments! Each of them is good, meaning you can't be a crappy author.

This is a well written piece of work, better than something I could write (although, it's easy to surpass me in terms of writing skill).

But, CC is needed. O:

“Oh, no. Crapping no way! Somebody is in the room—oh my gosh!—don’t be my father. Please don’t be Samuel—please,”

I'd change the part in bold. It makes the story seem less serious.

“…Fletcher, Kelly…helpme!” 

Space!!!!!!!!!! >_<

Other than that, I love everything about this - the characters, the way it's written, just everything is perfect, especially the cliffhanger! :3

A boy with a troubled life becomes the Grim Reaper. Will he survive? 

Posted by Boredom (Owen) on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 17:53
8^D I'm not a crap author!

8^D I'm not a crap author! :D

:^) The space wasn't meant to be there; Adrian's voice was saying it fast and couldn't fit in a space.

Yeah, I should change that 'crapping' to 'frapping'.

 

~Only Australians make the best pavlovas--that is because that is the only place where they make it.~

Posted by The Maxster on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 18:32
MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX

MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

GAHHHHHHHHH

STUPID

HOLIDAYS

*although they were fun ^.^*

I MISSED THIS o_o

O_O

On a scale of one to ten (ten being aboslutely perfect), this is a.............................................1 KATRILLION.

~A daughter is stolen by the Monastery, sent to live in a place where she will never again see the daylight. But she's different...and determined to find out how to overthrow the Deedwriter and bring back her enslaved parents...Have You Heard?

 

Posted by Epicness (Laura) on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 20:09
CC: The last sentence...if

CC: The last sentence...if that was meant to be eerie, it wasn't really. I suggest you eliminate the 'ha ha' and add something else, but maybe that's just me.
Also, dashes, if used to interrupt thoughts or something, would work better if you start a new paragraph...but that might just be me again. For explaining, it'd be fine.
And it sounded slightly too rambly, as in the way I talk, which is really quick and without pauses. If that was done on purpose to make a tense atmosphere, I guess it's fine, but it makes it a bit hard to read.

Fear cuts deeper than swords~Syrio Forel / Arya Stark.

Posted by Dracarys (Lauren) on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 05:46
^_^ Thanks for the CC. xD

^_^ Thanks for the CC. xD Yeah, the last sentence was meant to be eerie and now it just seems like a stalker. =w=

...done on purpose to make a tense atmosphere...

Yeah, that's what I was aiming for.

;w; Thanks for reading, Lauren! ^_^ Hope you follow or something.

(It's an okay book so...)

 

 

~Only Australians make the best pavlovas--that is because that is the only place where they make it.~

Posted by Quealser Errato... on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 06:01
NO. BAD. NO END THERE. YOU

NO. BAD.

NO END THERE.

YOU GIVE MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR 8D *Heckata moment*

That was..... ASTOUNDING. AMAZING. YOU'VE IMPROVED SO MUCH. I LOVE THIS. MOAR.

The creatures of Half-tree Forest lived in fear, and for good reason... fearful of Them. -The Long Road

Posted by RiverBound (Tarka) on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 21:11
*hurriedly scribbles more

*hurriedly scribbles more words in notebook* GIVE ME SPARE TIMEEEEE TO WRIIIITE 8D

~Only Australians make the best pavlovas--that is because that is the only place where they make it.~

Posted by Quealser Errato... on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 21:12
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX!!! Your writing is soooooooo good! I love it sooooooo much! It's really great and I love it! O_O You have a follower in me. :D

 

~evasong

 

"Curiouser and curiouser" - Alice, Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.

Posted by evasong on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 21:58
THAAAAANKS.   &mdash;Adrian'

THAAAAANKS.

 

—Adrian's Graveyard—

Posted by Max and Adrian on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 22:00

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