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The Adventures of Rose; Hogwarts: Introductions

The Adventures of Rose; Hogwarts: Introductions

Posted February 8th, 2021 by Rose

by Rose
in Maharashtra

Introductions

Gregory got some candy for both of us and as we ate, he explained that he was a 2nd year at Hogwarts and was in Gryffindor house. He also asked me what house I thought I’d be in. I told him I relay didn’t know. About halfway to Hogwarts when he was mid – way through teaching me Expelliarmus because I asked him to teach me a few spells walked by all self-absorbed with that green robe of yours, kidding well not bout the robe but yeah. Gregory explained that that was you. He also explained that Delphi er you were in Slytherin he said “Of course that Witch is a Slytherin, girl’s presumably the daughter of you know who” of course I was surprised to say the least, but after a while I kind of felt bad for her, er you. I mean the only reason your dad became evil in the first place was because he had no friends and, honestly speaking Delphi, ugh you did look a little lonely and well sad.  So, after we got after the train, I told Gregory I was going to go see if I could make some friends. Then I went and finally I found you and then I totally messed up, all the way there I’d been trying to think of what to say and now I couldn’t think of a single thing so I went with Hi my name is Rose. Now since you DIDN’T blast me on the spot, I have now taken the initiative to introduce myself but you being well you, it took 20 minutes to do so. Honestly who threatens someone for 20 minutes. So there now you know me. Tell me something about you.


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Again i love the

Again i love the story. 

GRAMMER (ugh)

relay should be really

I like how we are a character in the story.

__________________________________________________________________

It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

Posted by Ryoko on Fri, 02/12/2021 - 14:18
Sorry about the grammar i do

Sorry about the grammar i do try

 

also rose is talking to delphi thats the whole cliffhanger

Posted by Rose on Fri, 02/12/2021 - 18:47
Ah, we have a character for

Ah, we have a character for "you!" This story, at least from Rose's POV, is addressed to Delphi. (Cursed Child Delphi?) 

More commas and more quotations would really help this chapter flow better. Especially between the ers and ughs. Rose feels very nervous this chapter, and that makes sense, but you gotta be nervous in a grammatically correct fashion lol. 

This sentence, for instance:

Then I went and finally I found you and then I totally messed up, all the way there I’d been trying to think of what to say and now I couldn’t think of a single thing so I went with Hi my name is Rose.

"Then, I finally found you. I totally messed up--all the way there I'd been trying to think of what to say. I couldn't think of a single thing, so I went with "Hi, my name is Rose."

The difference between your sentence in mine is in the punctuation. You use one run-on sentence to say what might be better said in three sentences. And quotation marks are neccessary whenever a character speaks, unless you're summarizing their words without actually writing them down. For instance:

I said, "But you know that the unicorns aren't real, right?" --needs quotes. On the other hand:

I said I didn't believe in unicorns. --doesn't need quotes. I'm describing what I said, not repeating it. 

The fact that Rose has this kindness-- she sees lonely Delphi and thinks, "Ooh, I had better go over there and introduce myself, this girl looks lonely." She also has a parallel exasperation. "Honestly, who threatens someone for 20 minutes?" The kindness and bravery makes her likeable, the exasperation and impatience help make her relateable. You have a natural grasp of the equilibrium a POV character needs--especially in a first person narrative--between good traits (we call those virtues, gifts, or charisms where I come from,) and flaws.

 

Good yard,

(Warmest regards)

Snow

Posted by Tía Snow on Tue, 03/09/2021 - 12:26
Yes as in the delphi in

Yes as in the delphi in cursed child

The one who is you whos dauther

i wrote that part in because i myself kind of felt bad for delphi i can't get into the details of why right now though

 

Magicallly,

Rose

Posted by Rose on Wed, 03/10/2021 - 09:17

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