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Black Hole (Chapter 7)

Black Hole (Chapter 7)

Posted November 24th, 2018 by chicken123

by Ava
in Michigan

   Ugh. What is it with this chicken? Chicken looked up at me, it's eyes round and innocent. My eyes well up. I'm all alone with nothing but Chicken, who keeps running away from me. Wait. Maybe this chicken was here for a reason. I came to this barn looking for food. And there was Chicken. I cocked my head at it. It's innocent round eyes got even more round as it realized what I was thinking. It flew to safety on a sagging rather. I shook my head. I couldn't eat Chicken. Not after all we had been through. I called Chicken down, and she looked hesitant. She let out a cluck that probably meant, "I can't believe you even thought about eating me," and flew onto my arm. I stroked her feathers while I thought. She snuggled onto my arm, when she abruptly sat up, staring at the pile of hay. "What is it?" I asked softly. I moved toward the hay slowly, watching Chicken. She never moved her eyes. Or even blinked. She kept them trained on that hay, determined not to let those evil pieces of animal food get her. But I knew there was something else besides just an innocent pile of hay. As quiet as I could, I grabbed a pitchfork that had fallen and walked ever closer to the hay. A few pieces of hay moved near the top of the stack. I stopped, my heart pounding. What was in the hay? I moved forward again. This time, a few pieces moved. All of a sudden, I heard this terrible yell, which apparently was some sort of battle cry. I shrieked and covered my face with both of my hands. I peeked out of my fingers, and saw a boy. He looked about my age, maybe a few years younger. He let out a sigh and said "Geez, I thought you were going to impale me with that pitchfork thingy. "  I stood there, not knowing what to say. I found somebody else. Another survivor. It wasn't just Chicken and I anymore! I did a happy dance, and stopped when Chicken pecked at my foot. Oh right. I forgot about the boy. 

"So, what's your name?" I asked.   

 "H-h-arry, uhh, Simmons."     

 "What, you aren't sure?" I laughed. His face turned red, and I hoped I hadn't offended him.                                           

 "I'm Emily, nice to meet you. So, how'd you end up in a pile of hay?" 

"Well, this black hole came here to my family's farm, and it took our house away. I saw it, and I dove into the hay pile. I was so panicked, it was the only thing I thought of doing. I would've taken my family with me, but the house and everything in it- including them- went into the black hole. I wish I could've saved them." He turned around and I felt a little uncomfortable just standing there.

   "It wasn't your fault." I whispered. He turned around, and had a far off look on his face, like he was remembering the black hole take away everything he loved. "Do you want to come with me? I'm looking for other survivors, and maybe the black hole will come back so we can find out if it disappeared." He shrugged.

   "Why not? At least I'll have a friend." He headed out the barn door. I didn't find food at the barn. But I found something way more important. I found a friend.


See more stories by Ava
cool cool cool,  friendly

cool cool cool, 

friendly reminder to create new paragraphs every time the someone speaks/the speaker changes. Also try to avoid repetition unless is for a specific reason, so for instance you use 'innocent' a lot in that paragraph. 

I really want to know how that chicken knew it was about to get eaten.. 

 

"They say before you start a war/ you better know what you're fighting for" ~ Angel with a Shotgun; The Cab

Posted by Unclever Re on Sat, 11/24/2018 - 17:34
Thanks I'll change that, and

Thanks I'll change that, and the chicken knew that because of the look she gave it and how hungry they both had been since the beginning of the book I guess? This chicken is special, different than other chickens, looking back at everything it's done in the book, so I kinda made it seem like it could sense the fact she wanted to eat it.

 

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I don't care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as he finishes the book. -Roald Dahl

The most important shot in golf is the next one. - Ben Hogan

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, you only get to play one round. - Ben Hogan

Posted by Ava on Sat, 11/24/2018 - 19:13
And if it's just a thought,

And if it's just a thought, like the first set of quotation marks, should it still be indented, or not because it's a thought?

 

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I don't care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as he finishes the book. -Roald Dahl

The most important shot in golf is the next one. - Ben Hogan

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, you only get to play one round. - Ben Hogan

Posted by chicken123 on Sat, 11/24/2018 - 19:32
In that example it looks

In that example it looks fine as it is (to me at least), so you can leave it. Thoughts are portrayed several different ways and can be treated either as dialogue or as part of the narrative, it depends on how you feel about what fits the flow of your story best.

"They say before you start a war/ you better know what you're fighting for"
~ Angel with a Shotgun; The Cab

Posted by Unclever Re on Sun, 11/25/2018 - 00:58
Ok thanks ----------- I

Ok thanks

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I don't care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as he finishes the book. - Roald Dahl 

The most important shot in golf is the next one. - Ben Hogan

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, you only get to play one round. - Ben Hogan

Posted by Ava on Sun, 11/25/2018 - 08:37

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