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Burst #1: Failure's Embrace (Part 1)

Burst #1: Failure's Embrace (Part 1)

Posted October 3rd, 2012 by Cherrybomb

Cherrybomb's picture
by Cherrybomb
in debted

Hey everyone! :D Soo, I'm not sure if any of you know what I mean, but I'm really not much of a story teller. I sort of start a story...and end it after a couple chapters because I'm either bored, I have writer's block, or I plain hurry to try and get to an exciting part before I realize what I'm writing hurriedly is crap. e_e

Soo, what I'm doing is basically a spurt(HAHA! Spurt! xD)of whatever comes to mind. :P These are pretty much anything. So Burst number one! xD (Ohhh yeah, suckish title, I know. -_-)

....and this isn't thoroughly edited, just so you know. :P




           It was the one thing people never seemed to understand. Or perhaps never wanted to...


            I would ask them, plead with them, sometimes resorting to begging…but they wouldn't listen. Their happy expressions turned stony, and they sighed while rolling their blue eyes.


            I would hope for them not to say it. Hope with all my heart they'd accept it, believe. But they would always say the word, the one I dreaded so. But it was always the same word, no matter how long they dragged it out, no matter how quick they were to say it…








            I would stare in sadness, to their annoyance, until they flipped and shrieked for the police to take the "deranged girl with brown eyes" away…


            So I would do what I was best at. I would run. Just run and run and run until the sirens were far away, mere whispers in the distance. And instead of hunkering down, instead of hiding from those prying eyes, I would resume my stories, not to be discouraged that another person had not listened…another to add to the long list of rejections pushed into the back of my mind.


            For if I failed, all would fail. And I would be blamed. All because of the choice I made long ago, the choice which deemed me to this misery.


            I have hope though, a mere glimmer of hope at the end of my long road. I can see it; I watch it every day, madly running towards it when it starts to flicker feebly.


            For I, you see, am a prophetess.




            Thump. Thump. Thump.

            I clutched at my sides but kept running. They were getting closer.


            The alarms have been sounded. WHEE-EEE!!! WHEE-EEE!!! Their shrill piercing scream of it befuddles my thoughts, but I can still hear the angry shouts coming just behind the corner I passed.


            There! A dark grey shadow appeared between two dull brick apartments. An alley! I thought. I shoved passerby aside, seeing their angry blue eyes flash in annoyance and anger. Oh no. Two yellow clad twins move in front of the alleyway, talking animatedly.

            An opening appears- the slightly taller one drops a shiny coin on the ground, and kneels to pick it up. This is it. My chance for escape. I jump into the narrow opening landing neatly on my toes. Unfortunately, not neatly enough, as my hat is swiped off my head when the twin still standing throws his hand out in annoyance. Great. There goes a months’ worth of begging.

            I'm just in time though. I can hear the police crowd arriving at the marketplace, their heavy breathing and thumping iron soled boots sounding their presence. I keep running down the alley, twisting this way and that, trying to lose myself in the maze of paths and hoping the same will happen to the police chasing me.

            My luck wins out, and the clattering of their boots fades in the distance. I allow myself to slow to a jog, and when the shadows get darker from the houses looming over me, I start walking,

            They won't check far, thinking that the other bandits and outlaws living in these shadows will get to me-if the wild dogs don't first. I gulp and finger the hilt of a knife in my pocket. It's been very handy so far-lethal as well, but I hope it doesn't come to that. My talents with a knife are…shifty, if you may.

            The familiar sensation of prickling begins on the hairs at the back of my neck. I glance around at the desolate gray buildings, full with holes and wreckage. This is the perfect place for someone to stalk me, the hideouts and decaying walls all to wonderful for anyone to quickly dart out of sight.

            Casually, I slip the knife into my sleeve, so that I can use it quickly and discreetly without anyone realizing it's there. I turn in a slow circle, scrutinizing my surroundings before ending the circle and resuming my walk. I repeat this process several times each few minutes. It's not safe to keep your back open for long around here.

            Each time though, I see nothing out of place. Same rotting buildings, same shadows and broken windows. There were two or three wild dogs roaming around as well, but they were scrawny little things the size of poodles, and rather mangy as well. They aren't worth me brandishing my knife around, I leave them alone and they leave me alone.

            The only dogs I need to watch out for are those that are at the height of their health or those who are dying. Never meet a dying dog. It will go berserk and try to kill you, even though it knows its own death is near. It will try to kill anything near it. If you do happen to meet one…you will die as sure as the dog will.


            The only other livings creatures here are the occasional beggars, and the vermin.


            Yet I still have the feeling I'm being watched.


            It's only then, when I enter the deepest and darkest part of this town, the very core of it, do I hear it. It seems to be sounded in the very back of my head, resounding until it screams inside my, reducing my to my knees while I clutch my head in agony, dropping my knife, my only safety, on the cobblestones.


            One more week…you will fail and be mine….








            The last thing I hear before I black out is the sharp ringing of a cackle.

See more stories by Cherrybomb
Oh. My. Gosh. That. Was.

Oh. My. Gosh. That. Was. Epic. Please please please please please please pleas please continue it!!!!! 

I am dying to know what will happen. 

-Live your life to the fullest because you only life once- YOLO

Posted by Raindrops on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 14:58
Aww, thanks so much! :D It

Aww, thanks so much! :D It means a lot! :DDD

I may continue it, I'm not sure though. xD Like said, it's hard for me to keep up writing chapters on a certain plot. xD Maybe I'll try though. ;)

Posted by Frostburn/Cherrybomb on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 20:18
Yes, please try! -Live your

Yes, please try!

-Live your life to the fullest because you only life once- YOLO

Posted by Raindrops on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 06:06
I posted the second part. :D

I posted the second part. :D It was suppoed to be a flashback, but I overdid it so it's really long. xD

Posted by Frostburn/Cherrybomb on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 21:33



I have voices in my head all the time, but I think this one might be more of a problem then mine are. XD

Posted by Claire on Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:16
>8D Read on, my good fellow.


Read on, my good fellow. ^_^ *fails at trying to sound oldfashioned-ish*

I have voices in my head all the time. O_O I'm sure it isn't healthy...XD

Posted by Cherrybomb on Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:16
*Agrees completely* Yes, it

*Agrees completely*

Yes, it probably isn't healthy.

But we're writers. We come from a different universe. So it's ok. 8D

Posted by Claire on Wed, 11/07/2012 - 14:20
Awesome. I loved it. Totally

Awesome. I loved it. Totally a favorite. :)

I like how you explained how everyone else had blue eyes and the main character was the 'deranged girl with brown eyes'. I don't know why, but I thought that was cool how you explained she was different...XD

-Kaley :) :D :P

Read Cherrybomb's story, Choke: http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/burst-5-choke-1843131168

Read Jill's Hunger Games Fanfic: http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/hunger-games-fanfic-71st-hung...

Posted by Kaley on Thu, 01/03/2013 - 13:18
Thanks! :D Yeah...I wanted

Thanks! :D

Yeah...I wanted to show how she wasn't only mentally different(as in, able to think for herself) but also physically different, so people could see her...*coughs*...strangeness. >:D


*~Dancing in the Flames~* : http://www.kidpub.com/story/dancing-flames-2301130604

Posted by Ratatoskr (Che... on Thu, 01/03/2013 - 17:04
You never fail to amaze,

You never fail to amaze, Cherrybomb. No doubt about it; this is in my favorites for sure. Pure awesomeness… need I say anything more?

I will anyway. ^_^

I did this for RainyOblivion, and now I shall do it for you. I am going to track down all your stories and poems and give each one a special comment. When I finish, the "Favorites" section in my bio will most likely have expanded considerably. :DDD

Drink the poison of life.

Posted by Rour (Ellie) on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:48
There will be a day when I

There will be a day when I fail to amaze you. :P *peers into future* It's probably somewhere soon, I dunno.

XD Anyways, pure awesomeness? Gaah, no it's got little shards of unworthiness and strangeness and stuff, but thank you so much! :D

Whhhhaaaaaaattttt??? *pauses for several seconds**stares blankly at screen* Did you just say you were going to comment on ALL my stories and poem? :D Gosh, that would be awesome, but that's a lot to comment on *flails* :C But seriously...*hugs* :D

And I know, I know, I say this alot, but really: THANK YOU SO MUCH, ELLIE!!!! :D

Definitely going to check out some of your work soon. :D


~~~Let it go....*~Burst~*~~~

Posted by Ratatoskr (Che... on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 20:31
Aww... Your welcome

Aww... Your welcome :3
*clicks "see other stories by this author"**notices 6 pages of history*
Alright, so maybe I have my work cut out for me, but I can do it! Plus, the awesomeness I discover will be worth it. ^_^

Drink the poison of life.

Posted by Rour (Ellie) on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 21:14
Your description is amazing!

Your description is amazing! I keep going back and thinking about the color of their eyes though. Did you do that on purpose? With the blue eyed people not wanting to listen/help and then the girl has brown eyes? Wonderful job! I will be following this!                                                                                                                                                                                        Want to read a seriously cool story?------> http://www.kidpub.com/story/lost-allykats-contest-2081138399

Posted by Anonymous for Now on Fri, 06/07/2013 - 08:27
Yes I did do the thing with

Yes I did do the thing with the eyes on purpose. ^-^ Thanks, Ally! :D


~~~Let it go....*~Burst~*~~~

Posted by Ratatoskr (Che... on Fri, 06/07/2013 - 11:08

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