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cave full of secrets chap. 4

cave full of secrets chap. 4

Posted January 25th, 2021 by Maggs101

by Lana
in Texas

Matt awoke from his sister, Brittany, barging into his room. "WAKE UP MATT!" She screamed, smacking him with a pillow.  Matt squinted.  "Another day in paradise," he thought. " What's going on?" He managed to mumble. She rolled her eyes.  "We're leaving, goofball," Matt huffed in reply.  He didn't want to go anywhere.  "So get your suitcase and let's go," she snapped.  "Fine, I'm coming," he said rolling out of bed slowly.  "Good," she said leaving his room.  Matt got up and rolled his suitcase down the stairs and out the door.  He walked down the drive way then turned around to look back at the house.  "This might be my last glance ever at our house," he thought.  He walked to the car where Brittany and his mom were waiting for him.  He put his suitcase in the back with the rest of the suitcases then got in the car.  "It's about time," Brittany said, rolling her eyes.  Mom smiled fakely at him and said, "ready for our big adventure, kiddo?"  Matt stayed quiet and looked out the window towards the house.  Mom sucked in a sharp breath.  "Guess not," she said, as she started to drive.  Matt was silently fuming. It was Saturday, and all his friends would be hanging out. How would he spend his Saturday?  With his aunt that was supposed to be dead.  It just wasn't fair.  He sighs, and continues to look out the window, as his anger dewindled.  Two hours went by, and mom gets off the freeway, and on to a dirt road into the woods.  She drives down it for what seems like forever.  Finally, for what seems like eternity, a wooden shack comes into view.  "That's the house!?," Brittany said in disbelief.  "Yes it is... isn't it nice?" mom said in a fake cheery voice. That's all it took for Brittany to burst into fumes.  "Are you kidding!?"  We don't even have neighbors!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Matt did agree with his sister.  They were in the middle of nowhere.  For miles there was just woods, but he didn't want to give his mom a hard time.  So, he just kept his mouth shut.  Mom sighed, and grabbed their suitcases from the trunk.  "Alright kiddos, it's time to say our goodbyes," she said getting choked up.  A lump grew in Matt's throat.  Brittany even looked like she might cry herself.  "Don't you want to see your sister?" Matt said stalling, so he could be with her longer.  Mom wiped her tears and said, "No, No, it's okay.  I must be leaving soon."   She walked towards Brittany and wrapped her arms around her while crying.  Matt looked away, his lump growing larger, holding back his tears.  A minute later, his mom is finished saying her goodbyes to Brittany and walks toward him.  Mom wraps her arms around him and cries softly into his shoulder.  Then whispers, "You take care of your sister, okay?"  Matt nodded in reply.  "Thank you," she said in a soft voice. " Remember, I love you very much, and don't ever forget that okay?," She said, her voice barely audible now.  Matt nodded again, knowing if he were to say a word he would start bawling.  Mom grabbed his hand and looked him in the eye and said, " Goodbye my son."  Matt allowed two tears to slip out and looked her in the eye.  "Goodbye," he whispered back.  She smiled a sad smile, and walked towards the car and glanced back at them one last time, with tears still rolling down her cheek.  She waved sadly, then got into the car, and drove off leaving them in her dust.  Matt still had tears streaming down his face.  "She said her goodbyes to us," he thought.  But why did it feel like she was saying goodbye forever? 




See more stories by Lana
great story. I didn't see

great story. I didn't see any clear  grammar problems. 

Keep up the good work! I am excited for the next chapter!


It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

Posted by Olivinat on Tue, 01/26/2021 - 12:54
Thanks! good im glad. :) 

Thanks! good im glad. :) 

Posted by Lana on Tue, 01/26/2021 - 13:18
What is WRONG with this

What is WRONG with this woman?? Mom has left the children! Adventures are soon to begin, I feel it. If things go badly I'm foreseeing an arc where Matt slowly realizes he's really mad at his mom. Assuming the Aunt is real, I'm hoping she's a wise character, a helper--something of a Gandalf, rather than a Saruman. This plot is super interesting-- I just hope that you keep everything you've set up here and that you can remain consistent-ish throughout the story. 

A tip: It would make this much, much easier to read if you spread the text out into paragraphs, starting a new one whenever someone new speaks. As of right now it's a big blob of text, easy to get lost in.

Good yard,

(Warmest regards)


Posted by Tía Snow on Tue, 01/26/2021 - 16:42

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