The Chaotic Senseless Story Of Randomness! (Chapter 11)
Posted December 7th, 2017 by QuartzMaster
in The Ultimates Galaxy
Here is the next chap!!
Chapter 11: Draco’s Death?
“Hey Draco!” Mike walked into Draco’s house, “you okay?”
“Well…” Draco said, he was only a skeleton now. “No I’m not, Because of you.”
“What did I do to you?” Mike asked.
“YOU PUT A BLEACHING AGENT INSTEAD OF THE WATER WHEN I WAS TAKING A SHOWER! AS WELL AS ACID!” Draco the skeleton exclaimed in anger.
“You’re not Draco! You’re Mister Skeleton. I was calling Draco, not you.” Mike said to Draco the skeleton.
“I AM Draco! You turned me into a skeleton!” Draco the skeleton exclaimed, slapping Mike with his bony hands.
“How could I have done that?” Mike asked.
“Because you melted off my flesh with the acid! Now I’m just a skeleton!” Draco the skeleton replied. “And it’s your fault!”
Draco the skeleton the slapped Mike with his bony hands again.
“Aha! So now I should fix my fault!” Mike said, “where’s your skin? I can use a sewing machine and sew it back on you!”
“Mike, my flesh no longer exists. Only my bones.” Draco the Skeleton said.
“Then I’ll fry you a pie so that you can eat it and return to normal!” Mike said.
“… What?” Draco the skeleton asked.
“My fried pies are very helpful for skeletons to return to humans!” Mike said. “Or I could use Patricks method. Put whipped cream on you, and then you’ll be fixed.”
“…if I could make expressions I would be giving you one very confused look right now.” Draco the skeleton said.
“Whatever, wanna watch me make a pie?” Mike asked.
“Sure, wait what kind of pie is it?” Draco the skeleton asked.
“Probably a toaster pie, because there's a few toasters in the kitchen that I bought when we went sofa shopping last time.” Mike said, walking to the kitchen.
“Okay, I’ll just be resting my bones over here in the meantime.” Draco the skeleton said as he sat on the couch.
Mike took out a pan and put random stuff into it, before putting it in the ‘oven’ which was really a freezer.
“DONE!” He took out the frozen ‘pie’ on a pan and put it on Draco’s bony lap.
“Mike. This isn’t a pie, heck, even if it was a pie it’s frozen solid! I can’t eat this!” Draco the skeleton exclaimed, giving Mike back the ‘pie’.
“You can’t eat it anyway, you have no stomach!” Mike said, “you’re supposed to shove it in your face!”
“Are you serious?! That thing is so frozen it’ll destroy my skull if I were to do that!” Draco the skeleton exclaimed.
Mike then put some whipped cream onto it.
“Now it won’t. Do it slowly.” Mike said.
“*SIGH* Fine.” Draco the skeleton said as he slowly put the ‘pie’ on his face.
Suddenly, Draco’s skin and organs returned, and he was alive again!
“I’m not even gonna question how that works…” Draco said. “So, Mike…”
“Ya?” Mike asked.
“Do you think you could… maybe… GO HOME?!” Draco yelled. “Seriously! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
“But my house has no food! It’s only a pile of dirt!” Mike said, before he suddenly had an idea.
“You have an idea don’t you?” Draco asked, seeing Mike’s face.
“Yeah. Be right back!” Mike exited the house.
A few moments later, he came back with a pile of dirt in his hands. “I brought my home here.” He dropped it in the living room’s carpet. “Now I live here!”
“*SIGH* Okay if you're gonna do this, then at least put your house outside please.” Draco said.
“But it’s freezing outside during the night! My house doesn’t have a heater! I failed to pay my electricity bills because I keep eating them!” Mike complained.
“Mike. It’s the middle of July.” Draco said.
“Uh… It’s too hot outside!” Mike complained, “my air conditioner doesn't work!”
“Then get it fixed.” Draco said.
His house is a pile of dirt. It doesn’t even have an air conditioner.
“Then give it one. Also move it so it’s outside my house please.” Draco said.
“I can’t.” Mike replied. “I can’t give it one. I don’t have any microwaves to give it one with!”
“First off. You mean money. Secondly, I was talking to the author.” Draco said.
“Oh. Um.” Mike said, “the author can’t put an air conditioner in my house either! Because then I would eat it in my sleep and it’ll disappear!”
“Well then looks like you’ll have to sleep in the heat of night then.” Draco said, who has already moved Mike’s house outside.
“…” Mike was silent.
“Huh. I think that’s the first time you’ve ever been quiet.” Draco said as he walked past Mike.
“I WEEL STAY IN YER HOOME FOREVVAAAH!” Mike said.
Mike then brought his house back inside.
“NO!” Draco said, taking the house back out. “You are not going to live in a dirt house inside of my house!”
“TOO BAD!” Mike shouted.
“NO TOO BAD FOR YOU!” Draco yelled back.
“Well, I have a new house now, not the dirt anymore.” Mike said. “I live in your living room carpet.”
“Mike. Get out from underneath my carpet.” Draco said as he heard Mike’s voice come from a lump in the floor.
“It’s not yours, it’s the landlord's. I’m renting it.” Mike replied.
“Still. Get out.” Draco said.
“I’m in my own home! You can’t kick me out of my property!” Mike said.
“Mike. Your property is on MY property, so yes I can.” Draco said.
“Not according to the first amendment!” Mike replied.
“Mike. The first amendment has nothing to do with housing.” Draco said.
“Yes it does!” Mike said.
“No it doesn’t.” Draco said back.
“Then how come Captain Jack Sparrow, the president of the USA, wrote it down that way?” Mike asked, still under the carpet.
“Mike. Captain Jack Sparrow is a character from a movie. Not the president.” Draco said.
“Oh, right I forgot. Elmo is the president.” Mike said.
“Nooo… that’s also wrong.” Draco said.
“Abraham Lincoln?” Mike asked. “No wait, I know! Justin Bieber!”
“WRONG!” Draco yelled.
“No it was Justin Bieber! I voted for him!” Mike said.
“No you didn’t!” Draco argued, “you're not even old enough TO vote!”
“Yes I am! I’m 14!” Mike said.
“Mike. You can’t vote until you're 18.” Draco said.
“I am 18!” Mike said.
“You just said you're 14 though.” Draco said.
“I am 14! But also 18!” Mike said.
“Mike. That isn’t possible.” Draco said.
“Yes it is. How is calculating the fraction of the decimal of the sun not possible?” Mike asked.
“Mike, we weren’t even talking about that.” Draco said.
“Yeah we were! I’m the same mass as the sun!” Mike said, as he was still under the carpet.
“That is not what we were talking about.” Draco said.
“What were we talking about?” Mike asked.
“You know what? I… don’t remember. All I remember is that you have to get out from underneath my carpet.” Draco said.
“It’s MY carpet! I’m renting it!” Mike said.
“NO IT'S NOT!” Draco yelled.
“YES IT IS!” Mike yelled back.
“GET OUT!!!” Draco yelled, pulling Mike out from underneath his carpet.
“NOOOO!” Mike yelled, holding onto the carpet.
“DO IT!” Draco yelled as he pulled on Mike harder.
“JUST, DO IT!” They heard a sound from the corner.
They both turn only to see a man with a brown beard wearing a dark green shirt and jeans standing inside a big green poster.
“MAKE, YOUR DREAMS, COME TRUE!” The man shouted.
They both just stared at the man in the poster.
“…When did that poster get in my house?” Draco asked.
“I dunno.” said Mike.
“DON’T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS!” said the man.
“That’s it I’m getting rid of it. It’s too loud.” Draco said, taking the poster off the wall.
But the poster didn’t budge.
“I think it’s impossible to move it.” Mike said.
“NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!” Shouted the man.
“IF THAT’S THE CASE THEN LET ME MOVE YOU!” Draco yelled at the poster.
“If you’re tired of starting over… STOP. GIVING. UP!” The man said.
“I’M NOT GIVING UP! NOW GET OFF MEH WALL!” Draco yelled, pulling harder on the poster.
“YESTERDAY, YOU SAID TOMORROW. SO JUST DO IT!!!” The man yelled, suddenly jumping out of the poster into reality.
“I never said that sentence. NOW GET OUTTA MAH HOUSE!” Draco yelled trying to push the man to the door.
But Draco was knocked back by the man. The man was untouchable.
“You should get to the point, where anyone else would quit, and YOU’RE NOT GONNA STOP THERE!” The man shouted.
“I’M NOT QUITTING UNTIL YOU LEAVE MY HOUSE!” Draco yelled, pushing the man hard enough to move him like half a millimeter.
“You can’t move him Draco.” Mike said.
“YES YOU CAN!” The man shouted, “JUST, DO IT!”
The man was hard as stone, and was not moving anywhere. Draco fell back and hit his head on the carpet from trying to move the man.
“Ow… That is one hard carpet.” Draco said, rubbing his head as he got up.
“DO IT!” The man yelled.
“IM TRYING!” Draco yelled, pushing the man one millimeter.
The man walked forth and Draco fell back again. “NO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
“I think this guy’s name is Shia LaBeouf. I saw him on TV.” Mike said.
“OKAY SO?!” Draco yelled, trying to push Shia LaBeouf back to his previous location.
“MAKE, YOUR DREAMS, COME TRUE!!!” Shia LaBeouf yelled, knocking Draco all the way back into the kitchen, and getting Draco’s head stuck in the sink.
“GRRRRRR…!!!!!” Draco yelled as he got unstuck from the sink, he looked furious, almost as furious as the teacher that went super sayian.
“JUST, DO I-” Shia LeBeouf yelled before suddenly, Mike put him in his couch sandwich and ate him.
“Seriously… how tough is your digestive system?” Draco asked in semi-disbelief.
“What’s a digestive system?” Mike asked.
“Nevermind, Just GET OUTTA MAH HOUSE! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN HERE EITHER!” Draco yelled before chucking Mike out of the open window into a pile of dirt outside.
Mike stayed outside, eating some moldy cheese. “Happy?” He asked Draco from outside.
“Very. Now here’s the rest of your stuff.” Draco said tossing out all of the stuff that was under the carpet as well as a working heating and cooling system.
“Tanks.” Mike said.
“You're welcome. NOW GO TO BED! It’s 9:30 somehow!” Draco yelled before shutting the window.
“No, I mean… TANKS! AN ARMY OF DEM!” Mike yelled, pointing at the horizon where there were billions of dozens of tanks, all aimed to go towards Draco’s house.
“…Author. Why do you do this to me?” Draco asked the author.
The Author decided not to reply.
“…Well fudge you too then.” Draco said with a scowl.
“What should we do about the tanks, Draco?” Mike asked.
“I dunno. Can you eat them?” Draco asked.
“No, I’m full.” Mike said, “I can’t eat anything until tomorrow.”
“Well then I guess we don’t do much of anything since we can’t really do anything to tanks unless you know someone who can help.” Draco said back to Mike.
“We can run.” Mike said. “They’re still far away.”
“Actually they’re only about two hundred feet away. And they are surprisingly fast tanks.” Draco said.
“Oh noes.” Mike said, “we should get into my shelter then!”
“What shelter?” Draco asked.
“My rain shelter.” Mike said. “It protects us from rain.”
“Mike. Those are tanks. Not rain.” Draco said.
“How about the tornado shelter?” Mike asked.
“Is that the only other one?” Draco asked. “Cause if so then that may be our best option.”
“There’s a hurricane shelter.” Mike said, as the tanks were now getting much closer than before.
“Any other ones?” Draco asked. “Like at all?”
“There’s an aircraft carrier shelter.” Mike said.
“Well it doesn’t matter anymore, cause the tanks are right behind you.” Draco said, pointing.
“CITIZEN!” They heard a voice say from a megaphone, “PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON!”
“What weapon?” Draco asked.
“YES YOU! PUT DOWN THE SCARF!” A man shouted at Draco.
“But I’m not wearing a scar-” Draco started to say, before suddenly he was wearing a scarf. “WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?!”
“RELEASE THE HOSTAGE!” Shouted the man.
“But I don’t have a hostage.” Draco said.
“WE ARE TOLD YOU HAVE ONE HOSTAGE WITH YOU!” The man shouted through the megaphone.
“What’s their name?” Draco asked.
“Hey look! There’s something going on in the news!” Mike said, watching TV.
“A crazed lunatic has taken a hostage!” The man on the TV said.
“I think I’m the hostage!” Mike said to Draco, “and you’re the crazed lunatic!”
“That doesn’t sound right at all… If anything you're the crazed lunatic.” Draco said, pointing at Mike while taking off the scarf.
“Wait a minute… If you’re…” Mike saw a picture of Draco on TV, “ARGH! You’re him…! NO! Please don’t hurt me!”
“Mike. If anything I should be more worried about you hurting me. Especially since you recently melted my flesh off.” Draco said.
“WHAT ARE YOUR DEMANDS!?” The man in the tank yelled in question using the megaphone.
“Hmm… could you take my ‘Hostage’ to a mental hospital?” Draco asked, pointing at Mike.
“GET THIS MAN A DOCTOR! NO ONE NEEDS TO GET HURT!” The man shouted at the other troops.
Then, someone from the army began walking towards Draco.
“HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?” The man with the megaphone yelled at the someone.
“To get an interview!” The someone replied, as he and a camera man walked right towards Draco.
The someone looked at Draco and said, “Hello! May I ask what brought on this crazed lunacy?”
“Well it’s mostly because that guy over there has been driving me insane for years, the moment I broke however was when he made it that I showered in bleach this morning, causing me great harm.” Draco answered, pointing at Mike.
“He’s threatening me!” The someone told the cameraman, “he’s threatening me! If I don’t make it back alive, tell my boss that I ate his sandwich!”
“How am I threatening you?” Draco asked. “All I did was answer your question.”
“IT’S GONE TOO FAR! WE HAVE TO MOVE NOW!” The man with the megaphone shouted.
“…What?” Draco asked, very confused.
“GO! GO! GO!” The tanks moved and surrounded Draco and Mike, along with the someone and camera man. “TAKE HIM DOWN! LET’S DO THIS!”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! NOW YOU’RE ALL HOSTAGES TOO!” The someone shouted at the army.
“No their not.” Draco said.
“WHAT?! NO! I had so much to live for! I was supposed to be retiring…” The man with the megaphone looked down sadly.
“You still can. I mean… what can I possibly do to you? YOU’RE IN A TANK! You could kill me right this second!” Draco exclaimed.
“He’s riddled with lies!” The man with the megaphone said.
“What do you mean? How am I riddled with lies? I seriously can’t do anything to you when you’re in that tank!” Draco said.
What will happen to Draco? Find out in the next chapter!
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