The Chaotic Senseless Story Of Randomness! (Chapter 5)
Posted April 29th, 2017 by QuartzMaster
in The Ultimates Galaxy
O. M. G.
Just wait till you see it.
Chapter 5: Wut Da Wat??!
[SUBJECTS SUCESSFULLY TELEPORTED]
Mike and Draco looked around.
“Uhh… what is this place?” Draco asked the Author.
They were in a small cave, with a little lake in front of them. That was all, that was the only thing inside this cave.
It is said, that if you drink from this lake, you would get as much couches as you want.
Mike’s eyes widened.
“Oh no…” Draco mutered. “Why do you do this?”
Then Mike started to walk towards the tiny lake. But then, they spotted a person there.
“Aye!” The person said.
“Aye!” Mike replied, “just gonna take a sip so I get the most couches as I want!”
Mike then started to drink from the lake.
“You know what? I’m not even gonna do anything this time.” Draco said.
“MMM!!!” Mike exclaiemed, “Draco! You NEED to try this!”
“No thank you. I’m good.” Draco said.
“Umm…” the person then said, looking at Mike.
“Wut?” Mike asked, while drinking.
“Y-you’re drinking out of my toilet.” The person said.
“Hmm… didn’t know that did we Mike?” Draco asked him.
“Wut?” Mike asked.
Draco looked and saw that the entire lake was gone.
“Did you seriously just drink the whole thing?” Draco asked.
It would appear that yes. Yes he did.”
“So… where are my couches?” Mike asked.
Just think of them. And it will happen.
Suddenly, Mike, Draco, and the person looked around, and they saw themselves in a HUGE place… And the whole place was made of couches.
[RANDOM MOON HAS AWOKEN]
HOLA! OSSAIF IN DA house, it’s my turn to use the chromebook… Let’s see wut I cun do…
“Waaaait wut? I du nut know wut iz goin on.” Draco said.
“I LIKE PIE.” da person from before said.
Ossaif. You're spelling is atrocious.
Sut up, whoever you are, I am busy here.
Den, Mike da cool duuude jumped into da air, did a flip thing, and then landed. When he landed, he ate the couch dat Draco and da person were standing in.
Phew. Got my computer back. Ossaif is my clone, to those who don’t know, he is the crazy one. The normal one is named Sood. Anyway, Osaid is back, now… Oh. There was a problem. When I was pulling the computer out of Ossaif’s hands, I kind of deleted everything… Well… Let’s bring Mike and Draco back, and put them at Mike’s house.
Mike and Draco were suddenly sitting in front of Mike’s house, which was a pile of dirt.
“So… what just happened?” Draco asked.
“YOUR FACE HAPPENED!” Dora the fish that roasts people shouted.
Suddenly, before Draco was able to say anything, Mike picked up Dora the fish that roasts people, put him in a couch sandwich before gobbling it all up in his mouth.
“*BURP!*” Mike burped loudly.
“Thanks Mike. That fish was really annoying.” Draco said.
“Yeah, no probobobobobobobobob.” Mike replied, before burping again.
I have an idea… I should give you guys a new friend… Who is also random! Patrick will be his name.
And if I remember he is obsessed with cheese and pineapples right? Except he spells it as Punapples for some reason.
Yep, Michael my friend, you are correct! Anyway…
Mike and Draco looked in front of them and saw a guy with green hair. He looked straight at them.
“Heyylo!” Mike said.
“I wonder if he’ll act more random than you.” Draco said to Mike.
“Where did meh punapple go?!” Patrick exclaims in question.
“I think I ate them in my couch sandwich along with that fish.” Mike said.
“Wait, is a punapple like a pineapple that says bad jokes or something?” Draco asked.
“More like good jokes involving hockey pucks but not all the time so bad.” Patrick replies.
“Wait, hockey pucks? Why only jokes involving hockey pucks? That’s almost as ridiculous as Mike and his couch addiction!” Draco exclaimed.
“IT’S NOT JUST HOCKEY PUCKS!” Patrick yelled. “Sometimes it’s bad puns that are good.”
“Okay then…” Draco said cautiously as he slowly stepped away from Patrick.
“Hey Patrick. Did you know that I like couches?” Mike asked.
“Nope! I thought you liked purple!” Patrick replied.
“Purple is good too. I think, at least that one dude told me, Purple tastes like chicken's!” Mike said.
“Actually it tastes like Pikachu.” Patrick replied. “Or Golf clubs.”
“Oh those taste good too.” Mike said, before pulling out a couch sandwich, “hey want to try my couch sandwich?”
“Is there moon fragments and/or annoying fish and/or orange?” Patrick questions.
“I dunno, but it does have sun fragments, a pie, a piece of old man’s hair, a computer case, a computer itself, a book, the author’s Ultimates Series, a guy named Caleb’s green jacket, and my twenty year old shoes!” Mike exclaimed.
“I FOUND MY PUNAPPLE!” Patrick yells from far away (He had been walking away while Mike was talking). “I DON’T NEED ANY COUCH!”
“Hokay, how do Punapples taste?” Mike asked.
“It depends on what pun they make.” Patrick replied.
“Ah, welp, I want to try it then.” Mike said, before he grabbed the Punapple and ate it.
He then stood in his spot for awhile.
“It… Tastes… AWESOME!” Mike exclaimed.
“Okay but keep in mind you eat sandwiches with springs, couch legs, leather and stuffing in them so I don’t know if your opinion is that trustworthy.” Draco said.
“It IS trustworthy!” Mike yelled.
Wait, maybe I should… Take you guys somewhere very weird…
“Oh gosh. No please Author! PLEASE!” Draco shouted.
Mike, Draco, and Patrick were now somewhere else. They looked around. They were on top of a cow, that was riding on a dragon that had a taco on it’s head, with a raspberry stuck onto it’s feet along with a giant toaster on the cow’s tail.
The three of them looked around some more. The spotted toasters with wings flying like birds. They also realized they were in the sky.
“.......” Draco starts, “I don’t even have words for this…”
“Draco! Do you think that the cow we are on would like a couch sandwich?” Mikes asks.
“Well considering there are giraffes that can eat fish that were originally lions and also turtles that can go like mach 30 I don’t know if I should even bother telling you not to.” Draco replied.
“Well do you think the cow would like a couch sandwich?” Mike asks once more.
“I DON’T FRICKIN KNOW!” Draco yelled.
“Wait a hour… Where did Patrick go?” Mike suddenly asks, noticing Patrick was gone.
“I don’t know maybe to go get another one of his ‘punapple’ things or whatever.” Draco replied.
“I’VE FOUND ANOTHER PUNAPPLE!” they heard Patrick shout.
They turned and saw he was standing right on top of the cow’s nose.
[OBJECTS SUCCESSFULLY SUMMONED]
Suddenly, there was a giant feather in front of the cow, which then magically began to tickle the cow’s nose.
“Ahhh… Ahhhh…” the cow began, “ACHOO!”
The cow sneezed, causing Patrick to fall off, and causing a sort of earthquake for Mike and Draco.
“Bless you, cow!” Mike said.
“That was a powerful sneeze.” Draco said.
“Yeah it was… So what do you think, Draco? Will the cow enjoy a couch sandwich?” Mike asked.
“*SIGH* Just give it one Mike.” Draco said.
Mike then walked over to the cow’s nose, and placed a couch sandwich on it. Accidently, it entered it’s nose!
“ACHOO!” The cow sneezed again, this time causing Mike and Draco both to fall off.
“Mike you had one job!” Draco exclaimed as he and Mike were falling.
They were falling down fast. They were still a million meters away from the ground. They were basically skydiving.
“WEEE!” Mike exclaimed.
“Also is Patrick still up there?” Draco asked.
No, he is falling too. He’s 100 meters away from you.
“Oh reall--” Draco was saying but he was interrupted by the author.
The Random Moon has awoken!
“OH MA GOSH I LIKE, A YAAAAA I LIKE TA EAT COUCH SANDWACHES IN DA, LIKE, WASHING MACHINE!” Draco suddenly shouted.
“OH MA GOSH DRACO MEH TOO!” Mike shouted.
“Hey… Mike? When we get to the ground, we should throw a party! And we can invite Ethan, Carter, Patrick, everyone!” Draco suggests.
“Okay! But we’re gonna need to go to the supermarket to shop first!” Mike replied.
“NUU! NU SUPAMARKET!” Draco yelled, shoving Mike as they fell.
“YESH SUPAMARKET!” Mike yelled back, shoving Draco back.
Then Mike and Draco began to fist fight in mid air.
Oh no. This is getting out of hand…
[RANDOM MOON REMOVED, SUBJECTS SUCCESSFULLY TELEPORTED TO THE SUPERMARKET]
Mike and Draco were back to normal, and were in front of the supermarket.
“Oh yay! Shopping! Draco, you’ve got money right?” Mike asked his friend.
“Mike. We’re like 14. We don’t have jobs, therefore, we have no money.” Draco explained.
[$1,000 SUCCESSFULLY SUMMONED IN DRACO’S POCKET]
Well now your left pocket is bigger then a basketball so… I think you have some money to spare now.
“See, Draco? You have money now! Let’s go shopping!” Mike said before he pulled Draco through the doors.
“Okay but don’t expect any couches to be he-” Draco started to say before he was cut off by the editor.
Actually Osaid spawned some couches and sofas in here before you came in. So…
“Be quiet.” Draco snapped. “You don’t have to correct me all the time.”
BUT I’M THE EDITOR! THAT’S. MY. JOB! Ya dingus...
“Ha!” Mike said, “whatever that meant…”
Mike and Draco then walked through the store.
“Hey, can you buy some cereal for me? I heard they have a good cereal brand, I want to try it!” Mike said to Draco.
“Okay what is it called?” Draco asked.
“I don’t know… I think… Ramen!” Mike exclaimed, “yeah! Ramen Cereal!”
“Mike. That’s a kind of soup.” Draco said, face palming.
“Oh, right! Well… Is it called Chicken Noodle Cereal?” Mike asked.
“NO! THAT’S ANOTHER KIND OF SOUP!” Draco yelled.
“Tomato Cereal?” Mike suggests.
“That's a soup.” Draco said.
“Munchroom Cereal? Beef Cereal? Stewed Chicken Cereal?” Mike suggested a bunch of names, “Alphabet Cereal!?”
“NONE OF THOSE ARE CEREALS YA IDIOT!” Draco yelled. “THEY’RE ALL KINDS OF SOUP!”
Actually, Draco, there is aN alphabet cereal. It’s called Alpha-Bits.
“Oh.” Draco said, “I didn’t know that… Huh.”
“Okay! Let’s go get some Alpha-Bits!” Mike exclaimed, pulling Draco by the sleeve to the cereal aisle.
But then, Mike landed his eyes on something… Something very precious to him… On the shelf, he saw a shelf filled with boxes of Couch Cereal.
“*GASP!*” Mike gasped in shock.
“*SIGH* Oh gosh here we go again…” Draco said before he then pulled out a reinforced helmet and put it on before getting behind a nearby tower of boxes.
Mike stood still.
“Draco… WE HAVE TO BUY IT! ALL OF IT!” Mike yelled.
“But then we won’t have enough money for anything else! Besides the cereal is only in the shape of couches not actual couches!” Draco replied.
Mike grabbed the box, and read the back.
“But here it says that they were made with REAL COUCHES!” Mike yelled.
“You know what? Just take the money.” Draco said, handing Mike all of the money before going back behind the tower of boxes.
Mike’s eyes widened after he was given the money. He then began to stack a lot of boxes of Couch Cereal in his cart. But soon it ran out of room.
“Draco! Get me another cart! This one didn’t run out of room! I need another one!” Mike shouted at Draco.
“Here you go.” Draco said in a slightly depressed sounding voice as he pushed two more carts over to Mike.
Mike then started to put more boxes in his carts and he accidently put Draco in the cart too! Draco was then covered by Couch Cereal boxes.
Mike didn’t notice and he continued to put cereal in his carts.
“MIKE! GET ME OUT OF HE-JMHJKTHYMTH! Draco was saying before a box of couch cereal blocked his mouth.
Then Mike saw something else… ETHAN’S AMAZING COUCH! And Ethan wasn’t there to Falcon Punch him!
Mike got the couch and threw it in the cart that Draco was in.
“AAAGGGGGH! I DON’T THINK KNEES ARE SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY!” Draco cried in pain.
Mike didn’t notice Draco’s voice, and he threw some more couches he found in the cart that Draco was in.
“GAH! NOT MY ELBOWS TOO!” Draco cried before another couch landed on him, “RRRRGAH! NOT MY RIBS!”
What will happen to Draco? Find out in the next chapter!
See more stories by QuartzMaster