/* PCD change http to https for CSRF JUL 2017 */ D a r k D r a g o n - E p i s o d e B r o s h i (C h a p t e r 8) | KidPub Press //
D a r k D r a g o n - E p i s o d e B r o s h i (C h a p t e r 8)

D a r k D r a g o n - E p i s o d e B r o s h i (C h a p t e r 8)

Posted January 22nd, 2019 by QuartzMaster

by QuartzMaster
in The Ultimates Galaxy

Last chapter, then Broshi's story continues in the ultimates series!



Chapter 8}


After a quite lengthy and quiet ride, I had made it to where Draco lived among his friends. I didn’t know what to expect. I wondered where did Draco even live? And to be honest, I did not know what to expect either. I thought maybe just a house or something.

Instead I saw… these buildings all inside a wall. I was informed by the pilot that it was their training facility, and that the big building in the right corner was the training room. I asked about the building next to the training room, and he said that was the Dragon’s Den. That Draco had a pet dragon named Zephyr and that was where it was kept.

It was a nice place overall. If I wasn’t trying to blend in and hide at the moment, I would probably destroy it all. But I won’t. For Locke’s sake, and my own. Speaking of Locke, I was still carrying him. He must have gotten barely any sleep before and was now taking his rest.

Everyone had disappeared once we had landed, but I’m not complaining. Too many people around bothered me. I didn’t like being around too many people. But I had matters to deal with… My twin brother Draco. He said that it was all Folly back then… He really did look like he had no clue what was going on. Maybe I shouldn’t try and get revenge.

The past is the past right? I don’t need to get revenge on anyone. I should focus on the main enemy, which is the E.F.A.I. With Locke in my arms, I followed Draco.

“So this is where you live…” I told him as I looked around.

“Indeed it is.” Draco led me up some stairs and into a specific room. I thought I saw Draco’s name written at the door too.

“This is your private house?” I asked, looking at Draco. I noticed that King Teloiven’s daughter was with us too. I remembered, Fucia was her name.

“Yeah.” Draco answered my question with a nod. He sat down in a chair, and Fucia sat right across from him. Looking around, I spotted what looked like a couch. I walked over to it and set Locke down. It was probably more comfortable than my arms.

I wondered, since everyone seemed to have a room, I could get one myself. So I asked. “Is there an extra room or something?”

“There’s a spare room with a queen size bed down the hall. You and Locke can use that,” Draco said. “To be fair, I’m not sure why I was given three bedrooms.”

I looked down the hallway and did see a bunch of doors that led to rooms. I nodded. It would work out fine.

“I see. Well, we’ll stay here for now. In case Locke wakes up. He would need an explanation,” I then said.

“That’s fine.” Draco then got himself and Fucia glasses filled with water from the kitchen sink.

I had questions for Draco. Because he really didn’t seem to be as bad as I remembered. He didn’t have that cocky attitude of his. He seemed more rather calm. And if I was gonna get revenge, it had to be good revenge. Revenge worth getting.

“Tell me, Draco.” I then looked over at him. “Tell me about yourself.”

“Well… what exactly would you like to know specifically?” Draco asked.

“Your life. Places you’ve lived. People you’ve met,” I said. “I want to know everything. We were separated at birth so I didn’t even know about you until later on. I want to know how you lived your life.” I was going to learn more about him. Then I would tell him about me. Perhaps things can go differently than Dakrus had wanted.

Draco looked back at me. “Oh.” He breathed in, preparing to tell me a whole life story or something. “Well, up until a few years ago I was living on Aerth. But, I was forced out of our family because Dad saw me as too weak, probably because he knew about how he gave you to the E.F.A.I. Then, after spending a week or two out in the elements I met this guy named Lime who offered to take me to another planet in the galaxy. There I met my first friends Ichoo and Saturo who I just kinda hanged around meeting people like Asolo and his friends who told us about Ultimate Crystals and Arrow and Shot who helped us escape from a group of bad guys including Folly who wanted to kill us for varying reasons. Folly’s was because he thought I was you.”


“Hold up: You knew Folly way back then?” I asked.

“He had been a pain in my side for two years ever since I met him and he tried to kill me. The last time I saw him was when I had to work with him to beat you. But if he did do anything helpful besides that at least he made me break my limits and activate my first transformation,” Draco replied.

“Folly should have been working to kidnap and kill people for the E.F.A.I. as well. What was he doing messing around?” I wondered.

“Well from what I could tell he was working via a contract with the people who wanted to kill Ich and Satu so who knows, maybe that was his excuse in the organizations eyes. He did say he offered to help them if he got to kill me,” Draco answered. I didn’t know who Ich and Satu were exactly. To me they were a part of Draco’s story.

I decided to continue listening to what happened. “Okay… so what happened next?”

“Well around the time of my first REAL clash with Folly that didn’t end in one attack. I had met Meh and another on of our friends named Lagi as well as a girl I had met in another dimension named Uchiho and throughout that year we also ran into Listy and Lagi’s future girlfriend Ivory as well as Lavender and her family.” Draco continued. When he mentioned that girl named Uchiho, it reminded me of that one girl named Uchiha that had given me a ride to Aerth. “Then I had the fight with you and Folly. After that, Uchiho passed away from an attack due to a member of Darth’s army as the War was still going on at the time. Shortly after, Lagi and Ivory needed us to help them rescue their offspring from an enemy clan who wanted their species to go extinct. That was where I learned how to ascend to the second level of our little flaming eye trick. By that point Satu had met his current Master Elec as we had moved away from Glare around that point. And Ich began training with his father, Winodren. And after the tournament that apparently Lagi’s dad made, long story, we moved to this complex. For the next few months it was calm until we went to a waterpark which was attack by a galactic terrorist organization based on Planet Korrovez… Which we traveled to in order to try and stop them. But then we ran into this guy who apparently Teleyon freed who was a superpowered legendary transforming beast. But then we met Hematite who captured it via just knocking it out with a headbutt. After that, it just came down to our group going on missions at separate times. By this point we had also met this girl named Sokanon and her little group of friends. At this current day most of them are dead, however.”

Okay there was a lot that had happened to him. As he talked, I just listened to what he had to say. Most of the stuff he said. I didn’t really understand. But I just nodded to move the conversation along.

Draco took a sip of water. The other girl, Fucia, was just sitting there quietly.

“That’s quite a lot,” I then said. “Of things that happened.”

“There’s still a bit more,” Draco said. “If you want I can tell you or we could wait to tell it later. There was still some details I didn’t tell you yet anyway. Like how we met Hematite’s cousin Jasper a year before meeting Hematite himself.”

“Seems too long of a story to tell in just a few sentences,” I said. “If anything, it would need a couple hundred pages or so to tell.”

“Well to document all of the interactions and little fights along the way and stuff yeah,” Draco said.

“Yeah.” I nodded. After all I’ve heard, Draco doesn’t seem to be at fault. If I got revenge on him, it would be inaccurate revenge. It wouldn’t even be revenge. It was useless. “Well. It doesn’t seem like it was your fault. The whole me dying thing.”

“Yeah. If anything I’m glad you’re still alive,” Draco said.

I looked up at him, shocked at what he said. He was glad that I was alive? Is this… is this what Locke had said? How family was supposed to be?

I looked down. “I grew up at the facility of the E.F.A.I.… I was raised there. As a subject. They didn’t treat me bad, they did acknowledge me as a person and called me by my name and all… Except I didn’t really mean anything. I was just one of their subjects, among millions.” Broshi was looking down. “They used me. With my mutated body and powers, I was sent out to kill people for them and kidnap for them. Usually in many different ways. I was five years old when I started doing that.”

“That sounds like it’d be rough to do at first,” Draco said. Fucia nodded, agreeing with what Draco said.

“They did train me for it,” I mentioned. “But yeah. I struggled with someone once and then I got this.” I then activated my Dragon Eye, pointing to it to show him.

“Well that would make sense. From what I can tell these things only first appear when we’re under intense stress or our lives are at risk. That’s how my two showed up over the years,” Draco replied. He then activated his Dragon Eye too. Except he activated them on both eyes, and they weren’t red like mine. They were cyan. He also looked relatively calm, like there wasn’t much strain.

“We both seem to have these Dragon Eyes,” I said. “That’s what I called them, what do you call them?” I wondered what he would call them. If we both had called them Dragon Eyes, then that would be… how would that even happen?

“Well, after the one on my left first showed up my friends just called them Draco Eye’s at first and the name just sort’ve stuck. Granted since you have them too I could probably just change it to Dragon as well,” Draco replied.

I laughed. “You named it after yourself?” Did he really just call them ‘Draco Eyes’? That’s kind of pathetic, except those actually made us stronger. It’s not wise to call us pathetic, unless you have a death wish.

“Well, my friends Ich and Satu came up with the name. Back then I didn’t have any ideas of what to call it, let alone better names, so eventually we all started calling it that,” Draco replied, scratching the back of his head before he drank some more water. “And we call the two eyes together double Draco/Dragon eyes. But for a period of time we called it Draco Eye Level 2 instead. That didn’t stick for long and we went back to double.”

“Well, that sounds good actually. Double Draco Eye,” I said. “Yours is a different color though. Maybe because your plasma is normally cyan, cuz mine is red.” I looked at him. “You can keep calling it Draco Eye. I’ll call mine Broshi Eye.”

“Fair enough,” Draco then said. “Oh that reminds me. Recently I’ve been trying to see if there’s a level above Double. Got close one time. It lasted for about five seconds before I fell unconscious. That and it felt incomplete.”

“Wait what? There is a level above Double? What, is it growing out another eye?” I questioned. I would not like it… If I suddenly just grew out another eye like… on my chest and lit it up with Broshi Eye. That would be weeeiiirdd.

“PFFFT!” Draco said, almost spitting out his water as he was trying not to laugh. After he swallowed it, he replied. “No it's not that. From what the others told me actually it seems to cause your hair to spike up, well, more then our’s already is. And causes it to turn a different color.”

“Oh sweet. I know what I need to work on then,” I said.

“It’s harder than it looks honestly. Granted I haven’t had much training with a teacher recently, but regardless the incomplete form I managed to tap into, while it did boost my energy and power by like, ten times. It still only lasted for five seconds. And even then I couldn’t move,” Draco said.

“Either way, it’s what we’ll work on then,” I said.

I then realized that… Yeah, Draco wasn’t as bad as I thought. He would certainly be a much much better training partner than Locke. Locke was also younger. Draco was my twin.

“Also, sorry about earlier.” I then said. I couldn’t believe I was saying this, again but to Draco instead of Locke but… I did so it was too late. “I don’t… apologise, but you deserve an apology.”

“Well, thank you. Is there anything else you’d like to know about? Or would you rather go get accommodated with your room?” Draco asked. “Speaking of beds, your friend Locke is still asleep. How long has he been like that?”

“He’s been like that since an hour before I found you,” I said, looking over at Locke. He was just laying there on the couch napping.

“Huh. He must be tired. What’s your story with him anyway? May as well share since I told you about my past,” Draco said.

“I didn’t want him around at first. He annoyed me, just having him around annoyed me. Couldn’t kill him though. Not that I couldn’t kill him, he did restrain me once. But I didn’t use my Broshi Eye then, so I was holding back,” I explained. “But yeah. He stuck around. Even when I didn’t want him around. Like for a long time, I think a year or so. So when he tried to leave, I stopped him. Cuz I was too used to him being around.”

“Huh. Where’s he from?” Fucia asked.

“I… I’m not sure. I found him in a cave on Ertin,” I said, “said he fell from the space facility of the E.F.A.I. Something about him not being handled correctly and escaped on accident.”

“So he was experimented on too? What powers does he have?” Draco asked.

“Psychic powers,” I answered.

“Hmmm…” Draco thought to himself. “That sounds similar to how we met Saturn and his sister Phoenix. They found him on a space station like thing. And they were experimented on as well. Saturn even has Psychic powers too… I wonder…”

Before he could finish whatever he was gonna say he was interrupted by a ringing sound from his pocket..

I watched as Draco pulled out some sort of device from his pocket.

He then quickly pressed some buttons on the screen before setting it down. It seemed as if this call was important.

“Hey Saturn. Did something happen?” he asked to the device. “Is something wrong?” The person speaking from the device was named Saturn, I assumed.

“Yes,” a boy’s voice, the boy whose name was probably Saturn, said through the device, “I’m hiding right now. There are too many of them. We need help.”

“Help? What’s going on?” Draco asked. “Are you both okay?”

“It turned out that Summer-” But before Saturn was able to answer, there was a loud sound and it went off.

Draco looked worried as he put his phone away and looked towards me.

“We need to go, now.” He said sternly.

“Why? What’s going on?” I asked.

“That’s what we need to find out. Now come on,” Draco said as he stood up and walked out the door.

After a few moments I decided to roll with it and followed behind him.

As we exited the house I could see him floating in the air, seemingly trying to locate something. He was looking around in all directions for a few moments.  Then he pointed in a direction.

“They’re that way. About ten miles or so, I can sense their energy.” He said before he was surrounded in a blue glow, with sparks of electricity trailing across him. “Can you keep up?”

I then released my wings and flew up next to him. “Yes, I can.”

“Then let’s get going. At our speed we’ll make it there in less than a minute,” Draco said before he then flew off in the direction he pointed.

I flew off behind him. Flying fast, we arrived soon. In less than a minute, just like Draco had said.

He scanned the area. Looking for something. Suddenly we saw an explosion erupt.

“There!” Draco exclaimed.

As we flew towards it, I noticed there was a girl on fire tied with some rope being loaded into a spaceship.

“Uh, Draco, what’s going on there?” I asked.

“Clearly not something good,” Draco said as we floated there in midair. He seemed to be preparing to crash himself into the spaceship that was beginning to lift off. Draco was surrounded in a thick aura of plasma.

“Okay you take the spaceship dudes! I’ll take the guys on the roof!” I said.

“GOT IT!” Draco yelled before he activated his Double Draco Eye.

Meanwhile, I landed onto the roof. There was a boy with glowing green hair, the one called Saturn, standing there struggling against these big dudes with guns. There was someone going to attack him, but I leaped into action before that.

I blocked the attack with my dark vines. The big guys all looked at me, shocked. I smirked at them.

“So which one of you wants to die first?” I asked.

In response, they shot their guns at me. I blocked all their bullets with my dark vines.

“It’s rude to not answer. I’ll take that as you all want to die at the same time,” I rasped at them.

Then my dark vines went into action, piercing every single one of them at once. They fell to the floor. I spotted more of them appear, and they charged at me. I blasted them with plasma, and leaped towards another one, kicking his stomach and knocking him off the building.

“You’re strong!” Saturn commented.

“I know,” I replied. “I’m powerful. Now, you’re not doing much.”


“Stop being afraid. They’re fragile. They’re not even Ultimates. You could beat them if you tried!” I yelled at him.

“Y-yes!” Saturn exclaimed.

Bullets shot towards us, and I caught them with my dark vines. Green energy shot from Saturn and hit the dude.

“Good!” I told Saturn. “Now let’s move on.”

As we descended down the building, there were more people coming to attack us. We took them all out easily. When we made it down, there were more bad guys there with guns.

“Take them,” I told Saturn.

He nodded and burst his power out as he went forth and fought them. Smirking, I turned towards where the spaceship was. There was a hole in it, and it was crashed onto the ground.

I walked towards it, when I saw Draco walking backwards out of the spaceship.

“Is everything good here?” I asked, walking next to Draco. “Can I go in there and kill people?”

Draco looked over and noticed me. “Gimme a sec I’m gonna do something.”

I nodded. Draco pointed his hands at the sky and shot out blasts of plasma. They came down like raindrops at the spaceship, causing some damage. I also sensed more bad guys coming into the area.

Draco seemed to have everything handled here, so I was going to go fight the new guys that just appeared. “Okay, I sense more of them coming for backup, so I'll go beat them up instead,” I said to Draco. I extended my wings and looked back and saw that Saturn had more bad guys to fight.

“Before you do that,” Draco pulled me back, “Lemme do something first.”

“What?” I asked him. What did he want to do?

Draco raised his hands towards the sky with a grin. “SPARKING SPIRIT TIMES TEN!”

Then I noticed plasma shoot down towards me, but it didn’t hurt me. It was absorbed by me, and I felt more energetic. Powerful. Re-energized.

“Have fun.” Draco grinned.

I grinned back. I could go beat up some more bad guys now. I turned around and flapped my wings, giving me a boost. Saturn was in the middle of fighting when I zipped past him, and knocked the dude into a wall.

“Good job, Saturn,” I said, as I blasted another dude who was trying to shoot me with plasma. “But why the heck are they attacking you in the first place?”

“Long story,” Saturn responded, shooting blasts of energy at the guys, “save it for after we’re done.”

“Good idea.” I then stabbed one of my dark vines through a guys chest and tossed him at another guy. I noticed that I’ve killed some people though. That would be bad if they’re found on Ertin. It would become a case. So I went to the bodies and disintegrated them with my plasma, one by one.

“There’s more!” Saturn then shouted.

I went back down into the dark alley and smacked the newcomers into the wall again. I then turned and looked at the rest of the newcomers.

There were only three of them left. I then pointed both my hands out, and with a smirk, I took them all out with a big blast of plasma. K.O. That was all of them.

“That’s all of them,” I said to Saturn. “Let’s reunite with the others.”

We turned and walked towards the spaceship. I saw a girl in a pink dress standing there, looking kinda scared.

“Phoenix!” Saturn ran up to her. “C’mon! We gotta finish this.”

Phoenix joined Saturn and I as we walked into the spaceship. Inside, I spotted… Locke! Locke must have caught on to what was happening since he was helping out. Though, I didn’t sense that he woke up, since I was busy killing bad guys. Locke had this guy trapped in a bubble, who seemed to be the leader of this bad guy gang. Draco was also standing there next to Locke.

“Everyone’s down,” I said as we walked in. “Just this guy seems to be left.” I looked at the trapped leader. He looked very angry yet helpless.

“Curse you all!” The leader shouted. “I was going to become rich! If you had just let me turn Phoenix in to the E.F.A.I.-”

“THE WHAT!?” I yelled. If you forgot, I despised the E.F.A.I. Because they made me grow up in a bad way, made me a bad person. Otherwise they gave me power so I don’t complain much. But they still did bad stuff. I hated them. I hated my Dad who worked with them.

The leader looked right in my eyes. “You heard me! The E.F.A.I. contacted my gang and told us about Saturn and Phoenix! They can’t come and grab them back themselves because that would give them away, so they pay criminals like us to do it for them!”

Hearing him recite those words ticked me off. I walked towards him, activating Double Broshi Eye and glaring at him furiously. He looked kinda scared. I could see him sweating. Yeah, be scared. Because I’m gonna kill you. Viciously.

Without looking back at Locke, I said, “Locke, get rid of the bubble, I’m going to kill him.” I was serious about killing him. I was going to grab the leader’s skull and crush it.

“But then we’d just be committing murder. Let’s at least turn him in first,” Locke suggested.

“I accidently murdered some of his men out there, and I just vaporized them. We can do the same to his body,” I said. I kept my eyes locked with the leader’s. He looked terrified and was trying to escape. But he got nowhere, he was stuck in Locke’s bubble. For all I knew the psychic energy he could make was unbreakable for anyone that wasn’t hundreds of times his caliber.

“Let’s get a vote. Saturn, Phoenix. Opinions,” Draco then said.

“I think killing him may be too far…” Phoenix muttered.

“Saturn?” Draco asked.

“I agree with my sis,” Saturn said.

“Welp. That’s three out of five. Outvoted,” Locke said.

Ugh. “Okay fine. We turn him in.” I agreed. I wanted to take my rage out on something though. “But what about the spaceship? Can I destroy it?”

“Sure why not.” Locke didn’t say no. Draco, Locke, Saturn, and Phoenix left the spaceship, taking the leader with them. I took a deep breathe. Then I let out my rage, yelling as my dark vines took apart the spaceship piece by piece.

I heated my plasma as I surrounded myself in a red aura. I shot plasma all over, breaking a bunch of sheet metal. Then, using the energy Draco had given me, I made an explosion around me. After that, the spaceship was officially destroyed.

“Alright let’s get to a police department,” Locke then said. I looked back at them, and deactivated Double Broshi Eye.

We all then walked down the street. I was still kind of mad at the leader for doing what he tried to do. The E.F.A.I., to stay hidden, were paying criminals to capture test subjects that escaped.

I also noticed we were in a weird area of the city. There was no one around. We made it past a broken gate then, and spotted… oh. A cop car was parked right outside of this area.

“Hey officer! We captured this guy who kidnapped one of us as well as threatened to murder another,” Draco called to the cop.

We stood outside the cop car. Eventually, the cop came out, and he had brown bushy hair and a mustache.

“This is a wanted man!” The cop exclaimed. He took out handcuffs from his belt. They were the ones used on people with powers.

Locke made his bubble disappear, and the leader fell to the ground. The cop leaned down and handcuffed him, before he shoved him into his cop car. Serves that guy right. I’d say he deserves more than just prison. I should have killed him.

The cop then looked over at us and smiled.

“Good job, kids. I hope you didn’t do this in public,” the cop said.

“It was in a private area up that way. There was no one there that wasn’t affiliated with this guy,” Draco informed the cop.

“Okay. Good.” The officer smiled. “Take care, kids. And get some new clothes, kid!” He was talking about me. Oh come on! My dark vines were the reason why my clothes always got ripped. Because they came out my back and were pretty sharp.

“I do just fine in these clothes…” I muttered quietly to myself.

We watched as the cop drove off, taking a new prisoner with him. To be honest, even though this was a bad situation, I had fun. I got to let out my rage too.

“I mean… your clothes are pretty torn up,” Draco then said to me. “I could always contact Glare and see if we can get you some clothes that can withstand your power without being destroyed.”

Who was Glare? I don’t know who that was, but Draco made him sound like some store owner that made clothes or something. But I was fine with the clothes that I had. I didn’t want any other clothes. Also because of the dark vine thing.

“Uh okay, sure.” I decided to tell Draco. “But my dark vines will rip them anyway, and there’d be holes in it again.”

“I probably can just ask him to see if he can work around that,” Draco said.

I just nodded quietly. We were walking back now. As we walked though, Draco took out a device from his pocket. He pressed the screen a few times. Then a sound came from it.

“Yes, Draco?” It sounded like that brown haired kid that that pink haired girl was hiding behind back when Locke and I first got picked up.

Draco then explained to the dude what had gone down just now.

“Ah. Good job!” The dude then replied. “But that means there is more that will come. We have to be careful.”

Ha! Yeah like careful will do. When you’re messing with the E.F.A.I., you can’t just be careful and be safe. They will win in the end. Because they are the ones who have more power. Way wayyyy more power.

Locke took the device from Draco. “I’m afraid just being careful isn’t gonna be good enough, sir.”

Yeah, you say it Locke. He knew what I knew. That the E.F.A.I., messing with them, would be bad bad news.

“Who am I speaking to again?” The voice from the device asked.

“I’m Locke, the kid who was with Broshi. But anyway, this is important. These two, Saturn and Phoenix. They have trackers in them,” Locke said. “And not like chips. It’s their very blood. As long as they have said blood, the E.F.A.I. is always gonna know where they are.”

The look on Saturn and Phoenix’s faces were priceless, but I used to be in their situation. I wouldn’t make fun of them. They’re like me, they’re like peers. Even though they’re weak, and don’t know how to use their mutated selves correctly.

“…that will be a problem…” The voice from the device said. No duh, sherlock.

“Indeed,” Locke then added more information that was useful. “And I’m afraid really only one person knows how, and will be willing, to help remove it. Problem is me and Broshi don’t know where they went after they replaced our tracker blood.”

“Dr. He,” I added. “Dr. He is the only one that knows.”

“Yeah.” Locke nodded.

“Well, we need to contact Dr. He somehow,” the voice on the device said.

“Gonna be hard. He’s in hiding. Cause the E.F.A.I. is trying to find him after he left them a while ago,” Locke said.

“We need to think this through. Come back home and meet in Teleyon’s office,” the voice on the device said. “And stay near Saturn and Phoenix. They aren’t strong enough to get out of bad situations, especially when it’s the worst.”

“Indeed. If Broshi and his brother hadn’t shown up, they’d have no chance,” Locke said. That was so true, Saturn was getting his butt kicked until I told him to actually fight.

“Okay, once you get back, we’ll all talk,” the voice on the device said.

Then it disappeared, and Draco put the device away. We made it out of the city too, and just had to go down the highway to get back.

We all then used our powers and abilities to get back faster. I decided to fly with my wings.

But now this was gonna be a problem. This whole situation. I wondered how many people were from the E.F.A.I. and were subjects. Because it turned out that Saturn and Phoenix were. I had a feeling things were going to get real nasty…

But Draco’s group of friends weren’t that bad. Locke and I could stay with them for a while. The E.F.A.I. is the big main problem that we had to solve now.

And Draco’s friends were going to help us solve it. I doubt they would, but I had some hope that we were going to overcome it.

Hope was good, right?

Yeah. It was. Good to be hopeful.

Since that is the case, I was going to be hopeful.

We’ll overcome the E.F.A.I.

We have to.

It’s my only goal.


See more stories by QuartzMaster
in which he turns his crazy

in which he turns his crazy violent chaos towards a good end. 

I wonder what happens when his year of vacation is up? No way is he going back to the E.F.A.I.

I think part of the reason I'm having trouble reading this story is that I haven't read all the Ultimates books, but I also think you have some genuine pacing problems that could do with solving. 

You have a weird way of writing time in your book. Years feel like days and days feel like years. Maybe read some longer novels (the Hobbit does this really well, and in a different way, so do the Chronicles of Narnia) to review how to make each unit of time feel a bit more like itself. That being said, different styles of storytelling utilize different paces. I have this problem too-I haven't quite settled on a style, so my pacing can be very inconsistent at times. 


Spero quod via tua est directa et quod tuum onus est levis.

Posted by *Snow* on Mon, 02/18/2019 - 22:20
Ah yes! I don't really pay

Ah yes! I don't really pay much attention to the time so maybe that's why. I mean sometimes I do, but I don't focus on it too much.

And yeah you haven't read the ultimates books so thats why you're confused. And Broshi's story continues on in the series. A lot has happened now that I think about it.

(Spoiler alert since you probably won't read it due to it's confusion with overlapping the series: He doesn't get to finish his year because the EFAI came and found him. Brought him in to give him a check-up,  like a doctors appointment but for mutants with changed DNA. Cuz they could be unstable. So they checked him on that real quick, and then he got involved with a bunch of other powerful mutants. And the EFAI is still looking for Locke, so they gave Broshi a new job to find Locke and bring him to them. He also got more training from them to become more powerful and used to his dark vines. Which is what happens. But at that point, he fails to find Locke and just retreated back to the EFAI Space Station and then realized they were under attack annnnnnd that's all I say).

Okay that may be confusing. XD


<(QuartzMaster)> Read my books!!!! :D

"Uuuuuuuuurr Ahhhhhhhhhrrrrrr Uhhrrrrr Ahhhrrrr Aaaaarrrggghhh..." - Chewbacca

"Do or do not, there is no try." -Grand Master Yoda

Posted by QuartzMaster on Mon, 02/18/2019 - 22:43

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