Darkness [Black as Night, Light as Snow Extra Excerpt] (rated T, trigger warning)
Posted June 8th, 2018 by SilverMoon
in pain but it's cool
Yo whaddup I'm just here dropping this thing I wrote boutta month ago, just wanted to contribute sth to KP and looking thru some stuff rn.
So, rated T for blood ment and violence I guess but mostly because this whole thing is about a PTSD flashback Vesla's having. Heavily inspired by a particular fanfiction's portrayal of a PTSD flashback that was very well written. Hopefully this will be painful for you to read because if so I did something right.
This is an extra scene of chapter 5 of BANLAS which isn't in the story proper because Vesla's POV on this scene would reveal too much on her past and plot too early. Basically, at the climax of the first arc, Vesla+Cana+Lucy+Erza are on a mission together and after a fight Vesla has a flashback triggered by the appearing of a phrase (the first line) on the wall that's significant to her past. Angst abounds.
also maybe a lil bit of vesla being gay for cana if u really squint
Everywhere the darkness is, there is our song.
Her hands shook-- they couldn’t shake, a slight tremor in the hand could ruin everything in a mission-- her hands wouldn’t still. She suddenly became aware that her legs had given out, but when she tried to get up again, her limbs wouldn’t move. She was frozen-- freezing meant death. She was dead, Master and the Generals would be displeased, all her training gone to waste, a girl who couldn’t even be an effective tool.
Weak. She couldn’t be weak. She couldn’t.
You have the potential to transform the world. Don’t fail us.
Her hands were filthy, she was dirty and grimy. Her hands were warm and covered in a thick coat of red. Her cheek stung-- weak. Never let them land a hit. Never let them make you lose control. Control. Control is key. Control your magic, control your emotions, control the world. Lose control and you fail. If you fail we die. We all die.
We love you. Love means we must do whatever it takes to help you realize your full potential.
Then why did it hurt? There was pain. Her back was on fire, something dripped from her arms, she couldn’t resist it, she had to be stronger. Pain is necessary. She should accept it, she had to withstand it. She couldn’t move. Why couldn’t she move? The fire tempers the blade. The blade is meant to be used. She had to be effective.
You’re nothing but a tool. The man tried to laugh, but then his jaw was gone. Ripped out. He couldn’t laugh now. He’s the one that’s a tool to the ways of the world. At least she was a tool in the right hands. A tool for change. She was meant to be a tool for the ultimate goal-- it was fine. She was a precious tool. Irreplaceable. They loved her. Even the Master was a tool for the cause. She loved him, so it was fine.
No, she was the one betrayed--!
But she was the one who failed them. They loved her and she hurt them-- she abandoned them-- they didn’t love her now. Eyes full of hate. Camaraderie is a lie. It takes so little for people to turn on you. They will always betray you in the end--
She ran. She had to.
There was blood. There was always blood. The only constant. There wasn’t a choice. A fresh coat always on her hands, a sea of carnage all around-- she couldn’t trust anything. All potential threats. Stay away. Always a warning.
There were hands on her-- two sets, grabbing at her, she’d make them stop, she had to move--
She registered a voice calling her name. “Vesla! Are you okay? What’s wrong?! What just happened?”
A familiar voice. Warm and friendly-- don’t trust it, it’s a lie!
A hand at her back, at her shoulder.
There was long, wavy brown hair, concerned and caring eyes--
Cana was safe. She was with Cana. Cana wouldn’t hurt her.
Vesla was a Fairy Tail mage. She was safe. She was strong.
She was in the caves at Geheimnis. She was with her comrades. She could trust them. They wouldn’t betray her, they were safe-- she was safe.
She was with Lucy, Erza, and Cana-- they were in the middle of a mission. She couldn’t fail them.
“Cana…” she managed, tethering herself to that presence, bringing herself back to earth.
“Oh, thank fuck,” Cana breathed. “Vesla, are you okay? What was that?”
“Aspasia--?” Vesla gasped.
Erza approached, shaking her head. “She vanished,” she explained. “Through the power of one of her comrades.”
There was a pit in Vesla’s stomach. “The spell…” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”
“That wasn’t your fault!” Lucy exclaimed.
“I helped activate it…”
“What did it do?” Cana asked.
Vesla’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know…”
“And what does that engraving mean?”
More definitively, the purple-haired mage ground out, “Nothing good. We need to leave.”
boom baby theres a thing hope you liked it pls drop a comment
next thing i post will prolly b the chase/maude scen from sin game ive been working on. (or maybe actual ch2 of banlas who knows)
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