death in his eyes
Posted October 13th, 2018 by SilverMoon
in timately acquainted with the void
yo wassup, this is just gonna be a series of random snippets of writing unrelated to my main works. Idk exactly what I'll b doing with kidpub in the future but I figured I could contribute just a lil bit.
no specific trigger warnings on this one just one of the characters has kind of given up on living lol (which i pretty much have too but thats another can of worms)
sorry im a bad influence but heres some writing to make up for it :)
There was only death in the boy's eyes.
He looked you straight in the face, gaunt and utterly fearless. He had nothing to fear, because he had nothing to lose. He had already lost. He was already lost. He didn't bother trying to please anyone, least of all the man across from him. His only outlet.
"There's no escape here, right? So if I want to, there's only one way out. I've nothing to lose. It's already my complete and total loss, so I might as well just die."
Because the boy did not live: he wandered around like a shade, waiting for an end.
"Then, tell me. Why are you still here?"
He only laughed bitterly. "Who knows." An imperious look had him elaborating flippantly, "Only because I'm a coward, I guess." After a silence, he hesitantly spoke once more. He had no one else to speak with. "I wouldn't want to die if I felt I had any other choice. That's the way it usually is, isn't it? Yet every day I wake up with this aching tumor in my heart or mind, and it feels too awful to live with."
"Is this worse than death? Yet I've tried so hard to be accommodating."
"Doesn't matter," were the words that tumbled out of the boy's mouth.
"I've already lost, only pain lies ahead, and I have no reason to endure it."
The boy always said it like a challenge. Like a sleeping man refusing to wake. It's too broken for you to fix, he was saying with surety. To sleep was the only thing he had chosen for himself, so he clung to it. It was his only grasp at power-- this mess is too big for anyone to clean. It was his only means of winning-- no one can defeat the monster I've created, so I'm the one in control.
It was a way of saying 'catch me if you can'.
The boy was always troublesome, yet curiously enough, the man kept him around. Somehow, he couldn't pull away. He itched to rise to the challenge.
He found himself wanting to see what life looked like in the boy's eyes.
the writing style of this is incredibly disjointed but hopefully it helps with the mood a bit and doesnt just. make the writing bad lol
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