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Duped

Duped

Posted July 12th, 2017 by mischief

by Charith
in Mars.

My fashlight beamed brightly in the still night. I couldn't get- no stop thinking like that! I shifted over to- Suddenly I tripped. I cringed, nobody could've missed the THUD my body made. I was dead meat now. I was on my feet in a flash but I was to late. There was a man now, with a gun. Hopping it wasn't lodded I made a swift smooth move for my belt. He shot, and intense pain shot up my arm. Better not try that again... I thought as I slipped into unconsciousness.

Slowly I woke up, breathing in I smelled distenfectent. I opened my eyes, a hospital? Why? Ooooh, my shoulder answered that as I tried to sit up.

" Good morning"! I turned to the sound of the voice. " I'm Shelly".  A pretty name for very pretty girl. She twirled a soft strawberry twist of her hair, her  mint green eye's sparkled with spunkyness. " Ray". " You wanna call your parents, they gotta be sick with worry".   

" Sure". She handed me a cell phone .

" Hello"?

                                         " Hey it's me, Ray".

"WHERE ARE YOU"?     " I could be alot of places".  " The truth kid"!  " Hospital". " Oh, and the people you tried to buralize, they let you off the hook". Yes! No juvy!

 

" I won't be seeing you no more kid". Oh great, I just got dupped!

                                                                               


See more stories by Charith
Comment and cc please!

Comment and cc please!

Posted by mischief on Sat, 10/07/2017 - 18:48
A few spelling errors and

A few spelling errors and you seem to rush through the seen. But very interesting. Can't wait for more! ;)

__________
“There is something delicious about writing the first words of a story. You never quite know where they'll take you.”
- Beatrix Potter

Posted by Hey_its_Alem! on Wed, 07/12/2017 - 18:16
Exciting! I'll definitely

Exciting! I'll definitely follow! Some CC: elephant's should be elephants since it's plural; you don't need a comma after dark in "the dark night";you should put a comma after happened; and you just had a couple typos. Overall, though, it's a great hook and I love the speedy description of the narrator getting shot - it feels like (how I imagine) being shot would be like. Can't wait to read on!

I hope one day I can love something as much as women in commercials love yogurt.

Posted by Augusta on Thu, 07/13/2017 - 23:11
 Thanks!

 Thanks!

Posted by wildcat on Fri, 07/14/2017 - 11:57

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