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"Katrina, Like the Hurricane" Chapter One: A Stormy Beginning

"Katrina, Like the Hurricane" Chapter One: A Stormy Beginning

Posted January 16th, 2011 by SeptemberLove

SeptemberLove's picture
by Amy
in Caribou Coffee, writing my heart out, and bobbing to the music.

Okay! Are you ready? You ready? ready, ready? No. Absoloutley not. First read this!

 

Book Summary:

Katrina, a not-so-average, 12 year old girl has her world turned upside-down when Hurricane Katrina takes an un-expected turn, as it sails past Southeast coast, hitting the entire Earth with a "wave" of life changing power.

 

oh, and I cant forget....

 

 

THANK YOU FOR CLICKING AND PLEASE CONTINUE ON TO THE STORY!

 

 

Ready? Nah, I don't think so. Oh, well.

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Dedication:

 

(MHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! All that scrolling just for the Dedication!)

 

To those who havve the strength to set thereselves free, in their own unique world, Believers Unite.

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Sorry. This isn't the story.

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"Katrina, Like the Hurricane"

 

Chapter One:

A Stormy Beginning

The way things used to be, I was just a sweet dorky girl, with an abusive father in Panama City, Florida. No one knew my love for the raging waters – no one, that is, except Gari.

Gari was my friend. Best friend, in fact. She was the one who understood all the wacko things I adored – the water, poetry, gulls. All of it. And she was the one who could make me smile, make me laugh, and make everything seem better in a way. Gari was one of the most amazing person I’d ever met, and I could only hope she felt the same way about me.

Apparently, she did.

When word came around about a Hurricane, our family was too poor to afford an evacuation. No, there weren’t any charities or anything to take us somewhere safer. Pa said we would just have to ride it out – it couldn’t be that big of a deal, now could it? Pa was wrong. I knew what the Waters could do around these parts, and I knew Pa was wrong – but I also knew he would have another fit if I pointed it out. Ma knew too, and my little brother and sister. We were all scared of him.

Of course Gari’s wonderful family knew just what to do. They didn’t like my parents much – my mom for putting us kids through this, for ever marrying such a “bastardly coward of such violence”.  And my dad for… well, you should know by now. We were always over at their house – the Gari’s house – all three of us.  Our mom was so thankful for this she always baked gourmet meals for them, never knowing what she could do for them, for us. They cared so much about us – we were actually like family – that they took us kids in. All of us.

One problem: Our mom would have to find a place on her   own, supported by no one. I promised to myself I would never leave her side when we returned. We would return? Thoughts of darkness entered my head. Images and thoughts I wouldn’t like to describe… to imagine. And what was to become of my father? Would my mother finally accumulate the strength to overcome him? I did not want him beating her while we were gone! The idea had so many cracks I burst into tears at the thought of it.

But Gari, could always cheer me up. We went home with Gari every day. Alice, Brett, and I. the day we all learned of the plan, Gari’s big brother Mark came with us to go get our stuff from Mama and Pa.  We had packed lightly with 10 of everything. Shirts, sweaters, underwear, socks, jeans. Everything. It was a Friday, and we were going toan airport. We had never flown somewhere before, and we were excited. Not scared as I’d expected from the littler ones, but excited to know that man could fly. But there was no time for me to be excited. Mama and Pa were going to get hurt. They were going to have to live in a boat, something like that. Little did I know, a day soon to come the whole world would be living in a boat. Tears came from everyone.

“You be good, Katrina. Take care of your siblings, and don’t you dare let those bed bugs bite when you sleep at night. “

I give a slight laugh at that one. Mama always did know how to lighten the mood, even when everyone in Florida was sobbing on these days to come. “Don’t worry Mama, I will. I love you, mama. Don’t get hurt.”

“Everything is gonna be alright, and when you get back? Papa is going to be gone. Don’t you worry, don’t you worry. Life will be so good, I promise, Katrina. I’ll give you the life you never had. I love you and your sister and brother, never forget: I love you” She could hardly breathe now, I could tell.

“I love you, too, mama.”

I was in her arms, sobbing and crying and hoping and wishing. The three of us embraced her warmly, and solemnly. We’d never left Panama City before. Much less without her. We slowly backed away, murmuring. Finally I let my hand slip, and I dragged myself towards the door, silently letting my tears slither down my cheeks, and drop.

I couldn’t believe it. We were going to Alambama. Inland, of course, I was freakign out, as you can tell.

Then we were in the car. Gari sat smiling at me, loving everything about this trip. “This is great Katrina! Don’t worry about your Mama. She’ll get rid of your dad once and for all! And then you’ll have the perfect life. Don’t worry, what could go wrong?”

 

Everything, and nothing could go wrong,

 

Everything and nothing went wrong.

~~~

  


See more stories by Amy
wow! really good! i love

wow! really good! i love it!!!!!!! i am having trouble finding chapter two though...... is there a chapter two?

Posted by Dani on Sun, 01/16/2011 - 20:17
Not yet! :P I'll probably

Not yet! :P I'll probably have it up tomorrow, or Tuesday. THANKS!

 

 

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” ~John Jakes

Posted by ^Ames^ on Sun, 01/16/2011 - 20:32
OMLS, this is great! I can't

OMLS, this is great! I can't believe it took all day with you posting the link for me to read this!!! AH, I'M AN IDIOT! I love it! :) I love the last two sentences, especially.

~Team Edward? Team Jacob? Team Peeta? Team Gale?! WHAT THE FLOOP?! Team Perry, I say!~

Posted by Peppermint on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 00:39
Lol, thanks!! I admit, I was

Lol, thanks!! I admit, I was totally begging for comments, but I was miserabel O_o THANKS SO MUCH! And you not an idiot! Youre one of the few people who DID read it it :P THANKS! Chapter 2 will be up in the next couple of days, hopefully, and PRAY that Prey will come along with it ^ _ ^ LOL!

 

Thanks so much :D It means a lot <3

 

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” ~John Jakes

Posted by Amy on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 00:44
Really exciting and

Really exciting and cool!

I've always wanted to put a funny quote from my life into a sig. But there are to many and frankly they won't fit in the sig box!!

 

Posted by Kathryn on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 11:43
THANKS!! I had a lot of fun

THANKS!! I had a lot of fun wriitng this, and I can't wait to see the results for Chapter Two ^ _ ^ (Which will probly be up on Wednesday)

 

 

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” ~John Jakes

Posted by Amy on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 17:45
This is really good! I love

This is really good! I love it! KEEP WRITING!!

Got comments? Give them back, and pay them forward. The balance has been restored...

Posted by Leloo on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 11:52
Thanks :P     "Be

Thanks :P

 

 

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” ~John Jakes

Posted by Amy on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 17:47
Great story! How old is

Great story! How old is Katrina though?

In dreams begin responsibilities. - Cornelius Tower (from tower prep)

Posted by DayDreamer (Anne) on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 12:42
Hmm.... someone didnt read

Hmm.... someone didnt read the little summary of it -_- Lol, joking. She's 12.

 

 

 

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” ~John Jakes

Posted by Amy on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 17:46
Oh... Right. Dorry i don't

Oh... Right. Dorry i don't normally pay atention to the summary 'cause I just want to read the actual book. Great story though!

In dreams begin responsibilities. - Cornelius Tower (from tower prep)

Posted by DayDreamer (Anne) on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 18:50
Lol, I figured. Thanks

Lol, I figured. Thanks :P

 

 

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” ~John Jakes

Posted by Amy on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 20:49
LOOOOOOOOVEZ!!! YEEP! I

LOOOOOOOOVEZ!!!

YEEP!

I don't have time to read chappie 2 now, but I will soon!

"Fearless is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death." -Taylor Swift

Posted by ForeverMyDraco on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 09:16
I've run out of thank

I've run out of thank you's........................

 

 

THANK YOU!

 

 

Good enough :P And thats okay ^ _ ^ I lovess comments (dont we all??) but i can wait =D

 

 

 

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” ~John Jakes

Posted by Amy on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 09:21
*Here's a long critique~!

*Here's a long critique~! The stuff in red is the critique/comments, and the rest is the entire story :) Enjoy!*

The way things used to be, I was just a sweet dorky girl, <- no comma here with an abusive father in Panama City, Florida. No one knew my love for the raging waters – no one, that is, except Gari. I love this part~ it makes the reader wonder who Gari is ^.^

Gari was my friend. Best friend, in fact. She was the one who understood all the wacko things I adored – the water, poetry, gulls. All of it. And she was the one who could make me smile, make me laugh, and make everything seem better in a way. Gari was one of the most amazing person people I’d ever met, and I could only hope she felt the same way about me.

Apparently, she did. <- love it! (the sentence, I mean :D)

When word came around about a Hurricane, <- "hurricane" is usually not capitalized unless you're naming a specific one. Like you could put something like, "When word came around about the Hurricane," as if you're naming a certain one our family was too poor to afford an evacuation. No, there weren’t any charities or anything to take us somewhere safer. Pa said we would just have to ride it out – it couldn’t be that big of a deal, now could it? Pa was wrong. I knew what the Waters could do around these parts, and I knew Pa was wrong  – but I also knew he would have another fit if I pointed it out. Ma knew too, and my little brother and sister. We were all scared of him.

Of course, Gari’s wonderful family knew just what to do. They didn’t like my parents much – my mom for putting us kids through this, for ever marrying such a “bastardly coward of such violence”.  And my dad for… well, you should know by now. <- I love these sentences here :D Nice way to incorporate humour into this piece ^o^ We were always over at their house – the Gari’s house – all three of us.  Our mom was so thankful for this, she always baked gourmet meals for them, never knowing what she could do for them, for us. <- I'm a little confused here. What do you mean "for us"? Maybe try clarifying? :) They cared so much about us – we were actually like family – that they took us kids in. All of us. I noticed how you often use short, dramatic sentences like this, which is good- to a point. When you have too many of these, it gets a bit tiresome. If this was a different sentence, it may have been okay even if it were short, but you put something similar earlier, too. It's completely okay to make these mistakes, though :D I LOVE dramatic sentences like this, just not when they're used too much :)

One problem: Our mom Mama would have to find a place on her   own, supported by no one. I promised to myself I would never leave her side when we returned. We would Would we return? Thoughts of darkness entered my head. Images and thoughts I wouldn’t have liked to describe… to imagine. And what was to become of my father? Would my mother Mama finally accumulate the strength to overcome him? I did not want him beating her while we were gone! The idea had so many cracks, I burst into tears at the thought of it. Try to stay in one tense! Aww, this is so sad so far! I hope their mother does divorce the father...It must be so awful to live like that :(

But Gari, <- no comma here could always cheer me up. We went home with Gari every day. <- replace the period with a dash Alice, Brett, and I. The day we all learned of the plan, Gari’s big brother Mark came with us to go get our stuff from Mama and Pa.  We had packed lightly with 10 ten of everything. Shirts, sweaters, underwear, socks, jeans. Everything. It was a Friday, and we were going to an airport. We had never flown somewhere before, and we were excited. Not scared as I’d expected from the littler ones, but excited to know that man could fly. But there was no time for me to be excited. <- rather than saying you were excited, try showing so. Describe how the little ones reacted to the plane and such. I've noticed that this whole chapter is in narration- that is, telling instead of showing. (Ex: "Mom was super scared as she dropped us off. She said goodbye sadly," instead of "Mom stared out the window blankly, watching as the raindrops streaked down the window shields. Every few seconds, she started chewing the tips of her nails. I watched as her nails slowly became more rugged as the hour passed. I couldn't see her face from the backseat, but I could've sworn I saw the faint glimmer of a tear. "Go. I love you," she whispered, when we reached the airport. I just nodded numbly, and stepped out. It was one of those times where I could barely find my voice. Except this time, my voice was completely gone.") When you narrate like you're doing here, without much showing- but more of telling- it gives the reader a more distant feel. It kind of made me feel like this was more of a preface giving background information instead of the actual start of the story. I mean, it's still super good. I LOVE this so far, but I think showing and breaking this one chapter into a few chapters where you show the action instead of telling us, would be cool, too :D Mama and Pa were going to get hurt. They were going to have to live in a boat, something like that. <- Over here, I was a little confuzzled :) It says here that Ma and Pa were going to live together, but in a previous paragraph you mentioned that Ma would have no one to support her. Yet again, a drunken dude wouldn't really provide much support, sooo... XD Little did I know, a day soon to come the whole world would be living in a boat. Tears came from everyone. <- I like this sentence- it's short, but meaningful. Simple, but sad.

“You be good, Katrina. Take care of your siblings, and don’t you dare let those bed bugs bite when you sleep at night. “

I give a slight laugh at that one. Mama always did know how to lighten the mood, even when everyone in Florida was sobbing on these days to come. “Don’t worry Mama, I will. I love you, mama. Don’t get hurt.” <- Over here, you're showing more- which is good!! This scene is full of emotion- I love it~!

“Everything is gonna be alright, and when you get back? Papa is going to be gone. Don’t you worry, don’t you worry. Life will be so good, I promise, Katrina. I’ll give you the life you never had. I love you and your sister and brother, never forget: I love you” She could hardly breathe now, I could tell. <- What does she mean when she says "I'll  give you the life you never had"? Maybe we'll find out later? Or maybe she means a life without the father?

“I love you, too, Mama.”

I was in her arms, sobbing and crying and hoping and wishing. <- Awwwww :'( The three of us embraced her warmly, and solemnly. We’d never left Panama City before. Much less without her. We slowly backed away, murmuring. Finally I let my hand slip, and I dragged myself towards the door, silently letting my tears slither down my cheeks, and drop. So sad...but so well-written.

I couldn’t believe it. We were going to Alambama. Inland, of course, I was freaking out, as you can tell.

Then we were in the car. Gari sat smiling at me, loving everything about this trip. “This is great Katrina! Don’t worry about your Mama. She’ll get rid of your dad once and for all! And then you’ll have the perfect life. Don’t worry, what could go wrong?” <- Over here, it gave me a powerful first impression of Gari- which is excellent, of course! The fact that  Gari is all happy and excited- it tells us a lot about her character :)

 

Everything, and nothing could go wrong,

 

Everything and nothing went wrong. OOOHH! Such a dramatic sentence and cliffhanger~*squeals* I absolutely love that :) Amazing- simply amazing!

"You say 'Practice makes perfect'. You also say 'Nothing's perfect'. So why am I practicing?" ~ My awesome friend ^.^

Posted by PorcupineGal on Sun, 01/30/2011 - 17:19
Ah, yes. Quite long. BUt

Ah, yes. Quite long. BUt thakns for taking the time do that! this is really helpful, and just so you know, once im at like ch5 im gunna go back and edit all the chapters ive already written and go on like that every five chapters untill im done with the book :DD

THANKS!!

 

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” ~John Jakes

Posted by Amy on Sun, 01/30/2011 - 18:50
Wow! What an amazing first

Wow! What an amazing first chapter! :D

~Sandy

Bleh heh heh heh! Bleck!

Posted by Sandy on Thu, 02/24/2011 - 17:47
Thanks, Sandy! :)   Read

Thanks, Sandy! :)

 

Read the most inspring poem in the world, by Peppermint @ http://www.kidpub.com/story/be-beautiful-88192596

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” ~John Jakes

Posted by amy on Sun, 05/01/2011 - 15:25
Hey amy, are you still

Hey amy, are you still writing/posting this story? I really liked it! :)

Do you want to be a slave to your power, or a soldier to it? ~Saber of the Guard

Posted by Leloo on Sun, 05/01/2011 - 17:32
Yep! :] (Sent you an email

Yep! :]

(Sent you an email aobut it, so we're good.)

 

"I'm ME. Deal with it." ~Me

This World @ http://returnofme.blogspot.com/

Posted by amy on Wed, 06/08/2011 - 16:17
OMPJ!!!! Nice job!! :D .~

OMPJ!!!! Nice job!! :D

.~ HARPER~.

Posted by Harper on Fri, 06/17/2011 - 06:26
Thank you, Harper! :)

Thank you, Harper! :) *hugs*

 

Want comments? We got 'em! ~amy

Posted by (amy) Awry Lives on Sun, 12/18/2011 - 20:11
*claps* Wow, this is REALLY

*claps*

Wow, this is REALLY GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your tone and style is awesome, and it's a great length for the chapter! :D

Oh- and awesome cliffhanger!!!!!!!!!!!! Perfect way to end the chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDD

GREAT JOB ON THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This sounds like an amazing story, and I can't wait to see where you take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

*~Dreamwalker~*The First in the Trilogy

Posted by Rachel on Wed, 06/22/2011 - 09:50
Omigosh, SOO many exclamtino

Omigosh, SOO many exclamtino points! 0_0

*hugs* Haha, THANK you so much Rachel! :)

 

Want comments? We got 'em! ~amy

Posted by (amy) Awry Lives on Sun, 12/18/2011 - 20:14

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