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Metamorphosis Chapter 2

Metamorphosis Chapter 2

Posted February 10th, 2021 by Olivinat

by Ryoko
in the Middle of Nowhere (Wisconsin)

Carter was stunned. By that time, it was morning, so he sat on his bed a moment before he got changed. In school cloths, Carter tried to morph into a bunny. It worked!!He changed back into a human and went downstairs to eat. He felt braver, stronger, and more confident.

After breakfast, he went on the school bus and went to the middle. John crept up behind him and grabbed him.

               “You’re going to pay for what you did.” John snarled.

               “What did I do?” Carter asked innocently.

               By now a crowd had formed.

              “You know what,” He glared, “You punched me.”

              “Wait, He stood up to John?” Mark, a popular boy asked, “Carter-you did stand up to John?”

              Carter nodded, and the whole bus erupted into cheering.

              “Go Carter!” Luke, Carter’s next-door-neighbor cheered.

              A crowd formed around Carter. He had become the most popular kid in the school.

              During recess, everyone lined up. Mark walked up to Carter.

              “How it works is everyone who wants to be in your popular friends gang lines up, and the new popular kid choose four people to be his friends/gang.” Mark briefly said before running to the line.

              Mark walked over and everyone went silent. Carter knew two of them all ready. The first two he chose were Mark and Luke. They hi-fived him. Carter walked down the line and picked Reed, his neighbor. The main reason was because he was tough. Then he chose Ezra because he was smart. Mark led Carter away. They went under a tree.

              He said, “Now of us, you have to pick first, second, third, and fourth position.”

              Carter put Mark first, Luke second, Reed third, and Ezra fourth. Carter was excited to be the popular person at school. He felt like he could finally fit in.

               The next day, Carter was woken by his foster-mother.

               She said, “Carter, you have guests.”

               Carter rolled out of bed and throw on some good cloths. He walked out the living room to see Mark and Luke.

               “Hi,” Mark smiled, jumping up. “Your mom makes the best banana smoothy ever!”

                Carter mumbled, “Her name is Carrie, and she isn’t my mom, she’s my foster-mother.”

                “Who is your real mom?” Luke asked.

                “Uh,” Carter mumbled again.

                “You can tell us. We won’t tell anyone.” Mark coxed.

                Carter decided to tell them. “My mom was Sara Johnson.”

                “The former Queen?!” Mark gasped.

                “Yeah. My dad was the king. My full name is Carter Johnson Devastator. I wouldn’t tell John that, so he got mad, and then I punched him in the face.” Carter sighed, “Sorry I didn’t tell you, but you have got to promise not to tell anyone but Reed and Ezra.”

                Mark and Luke promised. They were stunned.

                Then Carrie came back in and served pancakes for breakfast.


See more stories by Ryoko
Sorry for my long absence. I

Sorry for my long absence. I have one reason: School. 

But this continues in the same vein! I'm very interested in the the Third Destroyer's life path, and what his four minions? friends? Will be like. I smell a possible minion-to-friend arc.

Good on you, by the way, for noting that Mark and Luke are "stunned" by the revelation of Carter's biological family. 

Questions:

How is the "most popular" gang tradition so developed?? Why does everybody know that you have to pick four people if you become the most popular kid in school? Is this process seen as good, bad, or morally neutral? In truth, is it good, bad, or morally neutral?

Carrie seems like a pretty nice lady, but Carter doesn't seem to like her. Why? Does he miss his biological family? Is my impression of Carrie wrong? Is my impression of Carter's relationship with her wrong? 

Critiques: 

In the first paragraph, when Carter transforms, you, the narrator, say "It worked!!" I would advise against more than one exclamation point at nearly all times, especially if you're going for third-person omniscient narration. Which I'm not sure you are, but there you go.

When Mark tells Carter to choose his gang, Carter "knew two all ready." "Already" is the proper spelling. "All ready" has a slightly different meaning. 

 

Good yard,

(Warmest regards)

Snow

Posted by Tía Snow on Thu, 02/25/2021 - 17:19

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