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Natural Forces: The Twilight Talisman ~Prologue: A World Rewritten~

Natural Forces: The Twilight Talisman ~Prologue: A World Rewritten~

Posted April 6th, 2013 by SilverMoon

by Ena
in Texas

Yes, at long last, I am finally posting something legit of The Twilight Talisman! I know, I've kept you waiting for, oh... 5 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days. I've probably lost a lot of followers already... it took me a while to get the 2000 something words of the original chapter 1, and then I got seriously writers-blocked on that, and then I began writing the new chapter one, and just recently I decided to write a prologue. So, without further ado...

Ladies and  gentlemen, boys and girls, I present to you...

An undeniably short yet hopefully interesting piece of writing...

THE TWILIGHT TALISMAN'S PROLOOOOOOOOOGUE!



 Prologue   

A World Rewritten

 

 

            What is known about the world is accumulated over every generation, and every significant fact discovered is recorded for the rest of the world to remember; however, a vast part of the world is hidden, visible only to those with the control of Natural Forces: the underlying world of powers. If this other side to the world was discovered by the general population, a rewriting of the world would be greatly needed.

            The altered world-texts would be something of this sort:

            Everyone has the Natural Forces somewhere deep inside, completely unaware of this great power within. Some, plucked by destiny unsystematically from the mix, are shoved out the door of a normal life and out into the world of the Naturals.

            Eventually, they stumble across one of many sanctuaries/training camps/schools placed around the world, composed of all sorts of people, and there they learn about the Forces. Each and every Natural learns about the maelstrom of power inside of them, and how to penetrate it. Once penetrated, a single power is unlocked out of countless Natural Forces, depending on what is seen by these Forces to be right for that particular person, and with each passing day they learn to harness that energy.

            Of course, at age seven, Sanna Sable didn’t understand this. As she huddled under threadbare blankets at the end of a cold, dark, empty alleyway, trying to get warm as the hour approached midnight, the only thought on her mind was, why me?

            The fact that maybe life’s path of adversity might lead to something better was in all ways incomprehensible to her adolescent mind. Trying to sleep, she could only wallow in misery, her innocent aventurine eyes having seen far too much.

            These eyes stayed wide open for the duration of the night, and nowhere in her mind could she predict that the rewriting of her world was soon to take place.

§

            Three years later, just as the dawn began to chase the dark away, a girl crouched at the edge of a field. She was lean and muscular, and could be recognized as the older image of the girl in the alley, but all fear and vulnerability on her features had disappeared. Her eyes were as hard as the rock of their color, and she lifted her face to the dawn challengingly, like she was ready to take on anything it could throw at her, as her reddish-brown hair swayed in the wind. Yet, behind all veils of toughness, she held an air of humor about her, implying that in better times, she could come across as a joker.

            Tall grasses of various colors rippled in the early-morning breeze, and trees were strewn across the field. Birdsong highlighted the coming of morn, and the soft light played across Sanna’s face as she stared warily around, watching for any other people.

            She was entering her fourth year on the run, and had been to maybe twelve group homes already. Sanna enjoyed her solitude and preferred to avoid other people, especially other people that wanted to send her to large facilities filled with other runaways and orphans.

            The girl didn’t notice the weak red-violet aura approaching her from behind until it was too late.

            A twilight-like darkness overcame Sanna, and an uncontrollable feeling of terror filled her mind. It seemed to be tugging at her essence, urging her to listen to it; Sanna resisted, and with a yell she was able to detach from the aura, finding herself ten or so yards away from where she had been. The sensation and the reddish-purple aura that carried it had disappeared.

            It was official: the rewriting had begun.



 

This prologue was 616 words and a little more than two pages. I'm excited; now I can continue my PJatO fanfic Unraveling Secrets, then write more of this, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It looks like I've finally overcome my Writer's Castle Wall. :)

What did you think?


See more stories by Ena
O_O That was the most epic

O_O That was the most epic prologue I have ever read. It has been favorited. *O*

Please allow me a moment to bask in the epicness that we call your writing.

(*basking in epicness*)

 

"Are you on the dark dark side, the light dark side, the dark light side, the light light side, or the dark dark dark light side? If you're on the dark dark dark light side, then join the club of INSANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"—Rour (Ellie)

Posted by Rainbow Eater {Lena} on Sat, 04/06/2013 - 16:27
O_O You really think so? And

O_O You really think so? And favorited?! O//////_//////O Nawwwww... :)

Thank you very much! :D

_______
LIVE reverse it boldly. . . this is me. Deal with it.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sat, 04/06/2013 - 16:35
Much awesome. I love it. A.

Much awesome.

I love it.

A. The technical writing of this is more than fanamonal. It's seems so bland and rigid, which is not the traditional path for fantasy, but you really made it work. But you can't stray from it (using childish words, etc.), or it ruins the illussion.

B. Concept of people being "special" often seems overused and cheesy. But pointing out that everyone has it, makes this concept unique.

C. You leave a few questions that are already very good hooks:How'd she get in that situation? How'd her parents die? Did they even die? Are her powers the cause? What are her powers? I legitimently want to find the answers.

D. All I wanted to do was give that little girl a hug. After my head automatically did the math, I realized her older version was 10! Geezes! Thats one tough cookie. But it gives the reader a perspective on how truly hard-core your protagonist is. The quick pacing of her life is well done. I mean, 7 is a bad age to be abandoned, but your old enough to survive. And 3 years is a good time to be on the run. Long enough to know what you're doing, but not long enough to forget the pain of her younger life.

I added to favs, by the way.

Smiley Face. Nuff' Said.

Posted by Emily on Sat, 04/06/2013 - 17:21
Thank you! A. Yes, I shall

Thank you!

A. Yes, I shall keep it going like this.

B. Yeah, in this story, your powers are by chance... seeing as everyone has them but only some are taught to unlock them.

C. So you're following, I presume? :)

D. Haha, you picked up on exactly what I wanted readers to.

Wow, another fave?! Thanks again! :D

_______
LIVE reverse it boldly. . . this is me. Deal with it.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sat, 04/06/2013 - 17:36
According to iwl.me, I write

According to iwl.me, I write like Douglas Adams in this prologue. 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

According to the readability index calculator...

Flesch-Kincaid Grade level: 12.
Flesch-Kincaid Reading Ease score: 55.

8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD That write (did that << on purpose) there is my best score EVER.

_______
LIVE reverse it boldly. . . this is me. Deal with it.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sat, 04/06/2013 - 21:44
Awesome, Ena! I shalt maybe

Awesome, Ena!

I shalt maybe add it to my favs... and then maybe you shalt freak out yet agian.

Oh, pshhht! Of course I'm faving it! :DDD. So when do you think Annabell will come in?

 

If you or a loved one is suffering from Chronologically Advancing Madness, please call the toll free number on the back of the unicorn to receive purple glitter and pickles. Do you like pears?~~Rour(Ellie)

Posted by *Jill* on Sun, 04/07/2013 - 06:44
Haha, thanks.

Haha, thanks.

Whyaresomanypeoplefavingthisprologue?! XD

Annabell... Let's see. *Mutters to self* Oh, I think, uh... around Chapter Four, I think?

Since you want Sanna (and anyone else that's with Sanna... Not telling) to meet Annabell on the way, she'll come in earlier than others.
_______
LIVE reverse it boldly. . . this is me. Deal with it.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sun, 04/07/2013 - 07:27
Thanks! You post, like,

Thanks! You post, like, now?

 

If you or a loved one is suffering from Chronologically Advancing Madness, please call the toll free number on the back of the unicorn to receive purple glitter and pickles. Do you like pears?~~Rour(Ellie)

Posted by *Jill* on Sun, 04/07/2013 - 07:54
Uhhhh, what do you mean by

Uhhhh, what do you mean by that?

_______
LIVE reverse it boldly. . . this is me. Deal with it.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sun, 04/07/2013 - 07:57
I mean if you posted TTTT I

I mean if you posted TTTT I did not see it. Did you?

 

If you or a loved one is suffering from Chronologically Advancing Madness, please call the toll free number on the back of the unicorn to receive purple glitter and pickles. Do you like pears?~~Rour(Ellie)

Posted by *Jill* on Sat, 04/13/2013 - 21:16
I'm sorry, I have yet to

I'm sorry, I have yet to post it cause I'm having computer problems. I'll see if I can post it on my iPad...

________
If you truly love someone
Then the only thing you want
Is for them to be happy
Even if it is never with you.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sat, 04/13/2013 - 21:18
Uh... Want me to post it

Uh... Want me to post it then?

 

If you or a loved one is suffering from Chronologically Advancing Madness, please call the toll free number on the back of the unicorn to receive purple glitter and pickles. Do you like pears?~~Rour(Ellie)

Posted by *Jill* on Sat, 04/13/2013 - 21:23
*le posted* ________ If you

*le posted*
________
If you truly love someone
Then the only thing you want
Is for them to be happy
Even if it is never with you.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sat, 04/13/2013 - 21:53
*le saw*   If you or a

*le saw*

 

If you or a loved one is suffering from Chronologically Advancing Madness, please call the toll free number on the back of the unicorn to receive purple glitter and pickles. Do you like pears?~~Rour(Ellie)

Posted by *Jill* on Sat, 04/13/2013 - 22:01
now I can continue my PJatO

now I can continue my PJatO fanfic Unraveling Secrets, then write more of this, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It looks like I've finally overcome my Writer's Castle Wall. :)

I'll write more Unraveling Secrets soon, but I'm currently in a very productive Twilight Talisman mood, so I'm gonna write another chapter of this first.

_______
LIVE reverse it boldly. . . this is me. Deal with it.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sun, 04/07/2013 - 10:29
Oh, this prologue just makes

Oh, this prologue just makes me giddy. It reminds me of the Mortal Instruments or the Infernal Devices--two of the best trilogies ever written!--because of the way you lined up the history and introduced us to this world. My only CC would be that you should consider using differnt words in that second paragraph after the simolian looking thing. This is very interestinga and well written, and I look forward to more of this story. Whenever you finish it, I'll be sure to reveiw it! Happy Writing.

Posted by Jonnah Z. Kenne... on Sun, 04/07/2013 - 10:40
Yay, honest CC! :D When I

Yay, honest CC! :D When I edit this story (even though I've already gone back like, twice, and fixed some minor things) I'll be sure to keep that in mind!

_______
LIVE reverse it boldly. . . this is me. Deal with it.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sun, 04/07/2013 - 11:03
YESSSSSS!! IT'S FINALLY

YESSSSSS!! IT'S FINALLY IN!!! Question: are you going to put in characters that were entered in your contest/sign up like, first come first serve, or by picking out the ones that you like best first? I'm just curious. And, alright. I will begin posting more Freiin chapters today. I will hopefully have one out this week, but until then, expect them! Man, I haven't thought about Freiin for a while.

But this prologue is flippin' AWESOME!!! OMPJ OMPJ OMPJ OMPJ OMPJ, I am so phsyced!!

-----------

"Books. Libraries. Pictures. Words. Sentences. The elements of a story. Simply wonderful!" ~Me

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."~Jim Carrey

Posted by *~Athena~* on Sun, 04/07/2013 - 13:14
I shall be writing in the

I shall be writing in the characters in places where they seem to fit into the plot, depending on the character. I hope to see more of Freiin out soon!

Thanks!

_______
LIVE reverse it boldly. . . this is me. Deal with it.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sun, 04/07/2013 - 16:19
An interesting start of an

An interesting start of an prologue with vocabulary words I don't use!

Good job Ena!

Everything is fine, but the start was kind of confusing.

I can't wait for the first chapter!

-TURTLE (Ian)smiley

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Tue, 04/09/2013 - 17:33
Thanks! I'll keep that in

Thanks! I'll keep that in mind when I edit.

_______
LIVE reverse it boldly. . . this is me. Deal with it. ~Born of a seed that beats like a heart...~

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Tue, 04/09/2013 - 17:54
OKAY, BLACKMAIL TIME: I'm

OKAY, BLACKMAIL TIME:

I'm not gonna post another Twilight Talisman chapter until some people read and comment on Ian's story Vine Gate, starting here: http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/vine-gate-authors-note-195313...

Pleasepleaseplease

________
If you truly love someone
Then the only thing you want
Is for them to be happy
Even if it is never with you.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sat, 04/13/2013 - 20:20
That was really

That was really awesome!

Need some (not so) preffsional help? You need Allie's counseling sessions! www.kidpub.com/book.../allies-counseling-sessions-1-and-2-2407136612

Posted by Sacrifice (Grace) on Sun, 04/14/2013 - 09:30
Thanks! ________ If you

Thanks!

________
If you truly love someone
Then the only thing you want
Is for them to be happy
Even if it is never with you.

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sun, 04/14/2013 - 09:32
OH. MAH DEAR LORDY. O.O I

OH. MAH DEAR LORDY. O.O I think i just fell in love with you(; That was awesome. Too awesome. Im gonna go die of my low self esteem now *dies in corner*

 

xD Amazing.

Posted by PhoebeR on Sun, 04/21/2013 - 19:13
Wow! Thanks so much, I'll

Wow! Thanks so much, I'll try to get a new chapter out soon!

Posted by To Be Unseen (T... on Sun, 04/21/2013 - 22:13
http://naturalforces.weebly.c

http://naturalforces.weebly.com/  <<GUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE. I made a website!                                                                                                                          ~I'm not afraid of imaginary things.~

Posted by Pythagoras (TDC... on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 16:39
OMPJ OMPJ OMPJ OMPJ OMPJ

OMPJ OMPJ OMPJ OMPJ OMPJ YOU'VE MADE A FRICKIN' WEBSIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTE!! I'm so phsyced! When are you posting the first chapter of the Twilight Talisman? I WANNA KNOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!! XD BTW the website's pretty cool. Suggestions: You should add another page where it provides info about the story ex: Sanna Sable's profile, info about the place she's taken too, etc. Just a suggestion! But it's pretty epic already!

-----------

"Books. Libraries. Pictures. Words. Sentences. The elements of a story. Simply wonderful!" ~Me

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."~Jim Carrey

Posted by *~Athena~* on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:09
Haha, yup. For chapter one:

Haha, yup. For chapter one: uh... hopefully soon. Sunday at the VERY EARLIEST though. For website suggestions: yup, I plan on doing that, and I'm going to go do Sanna's profile now; as for Valens Carolija... well, that'll be complicated. But I'll do it soon. :)                                                                                                                                                                                      ~I'm not afraid of imaginary things.~

Posted by Pythagoras (TDC... on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 17:15
This piece of liturature is

This piece of liturature is supurb, well-done, prenomial, peachy, smashing, extra-ordinary, swell, and an auspicious start! In other words, EPIC PROLOGUE!!!! Only CC i have is that in the backslashes here: sanctuaries/training camps/schools seem a little unproffesional, so you might want to consider using commas or something like this: sanctuaries, training camps, or schools

"I find my zenith doth depend upon a most auspicious star"--Prospero, The Tempest "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."--Douglas Adams

Posted by Zenith Star on Sun, 05/05/2013 - 17:11
Sorry, didn't see this

Sorry, didn't see this comment until now. ^_^

Thanks! I'll be sure to change that bit when I edit.

~I'm not afraid of imaginary things.~

Posted by Ultimate Insani... on Fri, 05/10/2013 - 07:24
Where's chapter 1?????? I

Where's chapter 1?????? I need chapter 1!!!

Posted by Sam on Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:39
Don't worry, I'm working on

Don't worry, I'm working on it! :-) And you can keep track of my progress via the Word Count Thread on WB Forum!      ~I'm not afraid of imaginary things.~

Posted by SilverMoon on Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:40
Ok. I can't wait until you

Ok. I can't wait until you finish Book 1. Please, if you can, pause all of the other pieces you are doing and do this epicness.

Posted by Sam on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 19:52
I'm still writing other

I'm still writing other stuff but this is my main thing.                                                                                                                                                     ~I'm not afraid of imaginary things.~

Posted by Ultimate Insani... on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 20:47
This is so

This is so gooooooooooooooooood!

Posted by Arthurboulos on Fri, 05/24/2013 - 18:04
Oh my God...I'm so happy you

Oh my God...I'm so happy you entered my contest. This is truly the most amazing writing I've ever read from someone on KidPub!

 

~Pencil Shavings~

Posted by PencilShavings ... on Fri, 05/31/2013 - 19:04
Thanks! ~I'm not afraid of

Thanks!

~I'm not afraid of imaginary things.~

"... Come to the dark side. We have stories." ~Arin in the comments of my bio

Posted by Birthday (TDC &... on Fri, 05/31/2013 - 19:18
That was one of the best

That was one of the best prologues I have ever read. The description was amazing, as well as your character buildup.I love i!
CC- Some sentences were long, a little too long with a bunch of commas and colons. Like the first sentence. MAybe try to split it into two different sentences? Just be careful of a run on sentence.

Great job!

5 teenagers, 1 bad guy, countless souls stolen.- Read Stolen Souls- http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/untitled-prologue-please-comm...

Posted by ConfuzzlingConf... on Sat, 06/01/2013 - 10:55
*Looks* Oh, yeah, that first

*Looks* Oh, yeah, that first sentence is a little messed up.
Thanks for the comment and CC!

~I'm not afraid of imaginary things.~

"... Come to the dark side. We have stories." ~Arin in the comments of my bio

Posted by Birthday (TDC &... on Sat, 06/01/2013 - 16:22
GAAAAAAAAAAAK YOU HAVE

GAAAAAAAAAAAK
YOU HAVE STOLEN MY BREATH
GIVE
IT
BACK
- "Because we have the same goals, we should work together."
-Wonder Woman in Once and Future thing, Pt. 1

Posted by Grace on Fri, 08/23/2013 - 22:02
*restores your

*restores your breath*

Thanks!

~I'm not afraid of imaginary things.~

Posted by Shukumei (TDC &... on Sat, 08/24/2013 - 10:45
Brilliant stuf! I'll be

Brilliant stuf! I'll be following

Faved. Definitely

Posted by Bridie on Mon, 09/23/2013 - 23:32
Another fav! :) Thanks a

Another fav! :)
Thanks a million, Bridie!

--Forget when pigs fly, it's when snakes fly!

Posted by When Snakes Fly... on Tue, 09/24/2013 - 07:08
This is beautiful, Ena! I

This is beautiful, Ena! I like how you described Sanna, and how she has gotten stronger over the years.

Adding to favourites! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that” - Martin Luther King Jr.

Posted by Syafai on Mon, 05/08/2017 - 10:27
Thanks! {i want to prove

Thanks!

{i want to prove that we aren't smoldering in this small world.}

Posted by Red Zero on Mon, 05/08/2017 - 13:48

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