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Nine Lives, Chapter one: The beginning of the end.

Nine Lives, Chapter one: The beginning of the end.

Posted August 7th, 2017 by Werty

by Jaxi *kAyLa*
in BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEES wait wut was da question

Nine lives

Chapter one: The beginning of the end

 

As you should know, cats have nine lives.  Some people think it’s a myth.  But I’m on my ninth.  It’s kinda hard to remember my lives.  I actually can’t really remember them much at all.  But here I am.  I’m Coral.  I live with my sorta brother Tracker.  

I’m a fuzzy grey tabby with greenish blue eyes.  Sometimes green.  Sometimes blue.  Tracker is a puddle of brown tabby naps.  When he’s not sleeping, he’s eating while staring his yellow eyes at my half eaten food dish.  He is years younger than me, and on his second life.  He says my life is at the beginning of the end, and I agree.  I guess this is it.  The beginning of the end.

“Coral!!  You little fireball!!  I found Tabbou Toys, on sale!!”  Tracker and I both know how to work the computer and get what we want from it.  I loved Tabbou Toys, and if The Trackster could get them, them that would rock!

“Then buy it!!  I haven’t seen one of those since i was a kitten!!”  I longed to scratch it.  

“Ok Coralnator.  And BUY!!”  I heard a little ding.  Then, I couldn’t see anything.  Everything was white.  I’m dead, I thought, and I’m never coming back.  But I wasn’t.  I was a white cat with one eye, in front of a mirror.  “Wow!’ I exclaimed, but it wasn’t me consciously.  This must’ve been a memory.  All of the sudden, a bunch of information hits my mind.  Name: Fluffy.  Gender: Girl.  Age: 13.  Life: 4.  And then, it’s all white and I’m back.  Tracker comes over to me.  

“Coral!  Are you OK?” He mews.  

“Y-yeah.” I stutter, “I saw something from my f-fourth life, I think.”

“Wow!  But doesn’t that only happen when you’re close to your final death?!  And you’re only 8!”  It was true.  Tracker was 5, and I was 8.  OK.  i tried to grip with my brain what happened, but it didn’t fit.  How could I be close to death?!  I hadn’t really gotten hurt before, unless you count getting scraped and losing the tip of my left ear to a racoon.  I tried to imagine how I will die.  Paper shredder?  Maybe.  Wild animals?  Probably.  Falling?  Probably not.  Suddenly, Jone, our owner, Came home.  He has black hair, pale skin, a thick build, and black thick glasses.  He picked me up and kissed me on the nose, and scratched tracker between the ears.

“More food please?”  I asked, knowing he couldn’t understand me.  Knowing my meows, he poured me more food.  I jumped to up and gulp it all down.  Then, I went to the sunniest spot on the cat tree, and closed my eyes and took a nap.

 

A few hours later, I woke up.  Jone’s on the couch with a girl, and Tracker was napping.  Perfect.  “Who are you?’ I meowed to the girl.  She has long red hair that I fought the urge to swat at.  She looked at me and smiled.  

‘That’s Chloe.  Chloe, that’s Coral, my cat.  My other cat Tracker is over there.”  Jone pointed with his strange paw towards Tracker, who was still asleep.  I mewed hello to Chloe, who laughs and pets me between my ears.

“I’ve always wanted a cat!  I can’t afford one though.”  She sighed and looked at the TV, which was flashing a cartoon about a cat police officer.  

“Mewow!” The cat said, opening an envelope.  “There’s catnip in here!”  I thought I had never tried catnip, but then everything went white again.

I was a tuxedo cat, and I was with three other cats near a pile of what I could only guess was catnip.  I looked around and saw what looked like a child, maybe 11, version of Chloe.  She was standing with her mom.  I reached out to go eat the catnip, and when I first started chewing, information hit my brain again.  Name: Toby.  Gender: Boy.  Age: 2.  Life: 2.  I appeared to be at a shelter.  And then, everything went white again.  And I poked my head up.  

“Coral!  Are you OK?!”  Jone stroked me, and I purred in response.  “I was s worried!”  He said.  ‘You weren’t responding, yet you were curled up and your eyes were open.”  He picked me up and puts me on my bed, which is on the cat tree.  “There.  You rest.”  I stared out of the window at the sunset.  

“Well, I’d better go.”  Chloe stood up and put on her coat.  

“Love you sweetheart.”  Jone said, kissing her on the cheek.  

“Are you seeing this?”  Tracker whispered in my ear.

“Totally.” I said, “he’s only supposed to kiss us!”  And with that, I curled up, Tracker hopped into his bed above me, and we both went to sleep.


See more stories by Jaxi *kAyLa*
CC please. "You see, one of

CC please.

"You see, one of the best things about reading is that you always have something to think about when you're not reading" -James Patterson

Posted by Kwazy_K on Mon, 08/07/2017 - 14:00
hey! this seems pretty sweet

hey! this seems pretty sweet and nice! :)

some general stuff: capitalization and tenses. you keep going back and forth between present and past tense. "I live" "I stutter" "He mews" is present. "I loved" "I longed" "I heard" is past. also this is really hard to read because its so big. bringing the font size down would be great.

As you should know, cats have nine lives.  Some people think it’s a myth.  But I’m on my ninth.  It’s kinda hard to remember my lives.  I actually can’t really remember them much at all.  But here I am.  I’m Coral.  I live with my sorta brother Tracker.  "Some people think its a myth, but I'm on my ninth" would work better here. "It's kind of hard to remember my lives, I can only remember bits and pieces" and"sort of brother" instead of sorta. theres no need for two sentences here, we only need one to get the point across. you might want to say that its "hazy" or "clouded" or whatever you feel is best.

I’m a fuzzy grey tabby with greenish blue eyes.  Sometimes green.  Sometimes blue. "greenish-blue/turquoise"  the other sentences are unnesessary Tracker is a puddle of brown tabby naps.  i honestly don't know what you're trying to say here. are you trying to say that Tracker sleeps all the time? maybe " Tracker is a lazy brown tabby " or something like that would work best. When he’s not sleeping, he’s eating while staring his yellow eyes at my half eaten food dish. "while staring with yellow eyes" sounds nicer He is years younger than me, and on his second life.  He says my life is at the beginning of the end, and I agree.  I guess this is it.  The beginning of the end. whe ending to this is a little weird but its ok. i don't know exactly how to fix it and if you choose to thats your choice.

“Coral!!  You little fireball!!  I found Tabbou Toys, on sale!!”  Tracker and I both know how to work the computer and get what we want from it.  I loved Tabbou Toys, and if The Trackster could get them, them that would rock! "Coral, you little fireball! I found Tabbou Toys on sale!" the extra exclamation points are annoying. also, how did these cats learn this? how did their owner find out? is he ok with money just vanishing from his account? do the cats know his credit card info?

Then buy it!!  I haven’t seen one of those since i was a kitten!!”  I longed to scratch it.  get rid of the second exclamation points and capitalize the i. also, since she was a kitten in what life? 

“Ok Coralnator.  And BUY!!”  I heard a little ding.  Then, I couldn’t see anything.  Everything was white.  I’m dead, I thought, and I’m never coming back.  But I wasn’t.  I was a white cat with one eye, in front of a mirror.  “Wow!’ I exclaimed, but it wasn’t me consciously.  This must’ve been a memory.  All of the sudden, a bunch of information hits my mind.  Name: Fluffy.  Gender: Girl.  Age: 13.  Life: 4.  And then, it’s all white and I’m back.  Tracker comes over to me.  maybe "I heard a little ding, then everything went white" and instead of "but i wasn't" maybe "But then, I was standing in front of a mirror facing a white cat with one eye." the next sentence is weird. maybe just "Wow!" ? and after that "Then suddenly, it went white again and I was back." 

“Coral!  Are you OK?” He mews.  

“Y-yeah.” I stutter, “I saw something from my f-fourth life, I think.”

“Wow!  But doesn’t that only happen when you’re close to your final death?!  And you’re only 8!”  It was true.  Tracker was 5, and I was 8.  OK.  i tried to grip with my brain what happened, but it didn’t fit.  How could I be close to death?!  I hadn’t really gotten hurt before, unless you count getting scraped and losing the tip of my left ear to a racoon.  I tried to imagine how I will die.  Paper shredder?  Maybe.  Wild animals?  Probably.  Falling?  Probably not.  Suddenly, Jone, our owner, Came home.  He has black hair, pale skin, a thick build, and black thick glasses.  He picked me up and kissed me on the nose, and scratched tracker between the ears. check capitalization. also maybe "Suddenly I heard the door open and Jone (our owner) was home"

“More food please?”  I asked, knowing he couldn’t understand me.  Knowing my meows, he poured me more food.  I jumped to up and gulp it all down.  Then, I went to the sunniest spot on the cat tree, and closed my eyes and took a nap."Then I went to the sunniest spot on the cat tree, closed my eyes, and took a nap"

 

A few hours later, I woke up.  Jone’s on the couch with a girl, and Tracker was napping.  Perfect.  “Who are you?’ I meowed to the girl.  She has long red hair that I fought the urge to swat at.  She looked at me and smiled.  check tenses!!

‘That’s Chloe.  Chloe, that’s Coral, my cat.  My other cat Tracker is over there.”  Jone pointed with his strange paw towards Tracker, who was still asleep.  I mewed hello to Chloe, who laughs and pets me between my ears.

“I’ve always wanted a cat!  I can’t afford one though.”  She sighed and looked at the TV, which was flashing a cartoon about a cat police officer.  

“Mewow!” The cat said, opening an envelope.  “There’s catnip in here!”  I thought I had never tried catnip, but then everything went white again.

I was a tuxedo cat, and I was with three other cats near a pile of what I could only guess was catnip.  I looked around and saw what looked like a child, maybe 11, version of Chloe.  She was standing with her mom.  I reached out to go eat the catnip, and when I first started chewing, information hit my brain again.  Name: Toby.  Gender: Boy.  Age: 2.  Life: 2.  I appeared to be at a shelter.  And then, everything went white again.  And I poked my head up.  "everything went white again and I poked my head up"

“Coral!  Are you OK?!”  Jone stroked me, and I purred in response.  “I was s worried!”  He said.  ‘You weren’t responding, yet you were curled up and your eyes were open.”  He picked me up and puts me on my bed, which is on the cat tree. "puts me on my bed on the cat tree" “There.  You rest.”  I stared out of the window at the sunset.  

“Well, I’d better go.”  Chloe stood up and put on her coat.  this is pretty abrupt

“Love you sweetheart.”  Jone said, kissing her on the cheek.  

“Are you seeing this?”  Tracker whispered in my ear. where did he come from? I thought he was sleeping?

“Totally.” I said, “he’s only supposed to kiss us!”  And with that, I curled up, Tracker hopped into his bed above me, and we both went to sleep.

 

Posted by on Mon, 08/07/2017 - 16:00
Thanks.  I'll try to fix

Thanks.  I'll try to fix the present past stuff and I will consider everything else.  Thank you.

"You see, one of the best things about reading is that you always have something to think about when you're not reading" -James Patterson

Posted by Kwazy_K on Mon, 08/07/2017 - 17:23
no problem. :)

no problem. :)

Posted by on Mon, 08/07/2017 - 21:30
I have to type something

I have to type something because the comment doubled.
"You see, one of the best things about reading is that you always have something to think about when you're not reading"
-James Patterson

Posted by Werty on Fri, 08/11/2017 - 06:24
Oh, and all that information

Oh, and all that information stuff ( the name age gender thing) is important. I probably won't get the chance to edit what I put on here but I am really making this a story, and I copy and pasted it from Google docs, that's why it's so big. Yeah, I'll try to improve.
"You see, one of the best things about reading is that you always have something to think about when you're not reading"
-James Patterson

Posted by Kwazy_K on Fri, 08/11/2017 - 06:23

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