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The Reluctant Soldier: I

The Reluctant Soldier: I

Posted November 26th, 2016 by Gracithe1andonly

by Tía Snow
in wardly searching

 
Unus:
In a rumbling wagon, strangers about me,
I, longing, glance out the gap, hoping to glimpse
Home. My parents, my sisters dear, my childhood friends,
Pray remember me.
 
Duo:
Until now, the rivers have all been my friends,
But this foreign one carries me far from home.
The laughter of my comrades grates upon me-
Do they not miss home?
 
Tres:
A good place to halt for a time and rest, but
By no means a place to make a home, not here,
With this callousness. My comrades, they tell me
I may see the sea.
 
Quattor:
Pale and mysterious, vestiges of sleep
Keeping you from seeing me. I wonder if
You would consent to my watching, if you were
Awake and bright-eyed.
 
Quinque:
I do not wish to think about my hard hands,
My blacksmith’s hands, lyre-strumming hands, that will
Be used for killing, and the swinging of swords.
I beg thy pardon.
 
VI:
Is there shame in this, in these tears still streaming
At night, down in rivers? I am still a man,
Despite what my comrades say about weeping.
They don’t understand.
 
Septem:
Arrived at last in the place I was dreading,
Only to find friends and a place to make home.
I suffer from no delusions; I still fear,
But war seems distant.

 


See more stories by Tía Snow
Wow. This is really cool. I

Wow. This is really cool. I think the set up is compelling, and I like the vagueness of it

Art is the weapon. Imagination the ammunition. Stay strong, and stay dirty. Create and destroy as you see fit.
* ~|*I*|~*

Posted by Schrödinger's Cat on Sat, 11/26/2016 - 23:25
Thank you so much! It is

Thank you so much! It is vague, I was wondering if it was too vague. 

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Spero quod via tua est directa et quod tuum onus est levis.

Posted by *Snow* owleyed on Sun, 11/27/2016 - 12:21
i also like how foreboding

i also like how foreboding it all is. i especially like quinque because it conveys such dread and sadness and bleh it's just really nice. i like how you numbered them. i just like this all a lot.

Posted by panda on Sun, 11/27/2016 - 01:08
He dreads a lot, and it's

He dreads a lot, and it's really foreboding, and I might make a prose epilogue to explain what happens to him after the last poem. 

____________________________________________________________

Spero quod via tua est directa et quod tuum onus est levis.

Posted by *Snow* owleyed on Sun, 11/27/2016 - 12:22
this is so chilling and

this is so chilling and beautiful.

TFOTF

Posted by (Garrett) on Sun, 11/27/2016 - 22:32
I absolutely love Septem <3

I absolutely love Septem <3 <3

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Join the fight for the Throne in The Dagger's Wrath! http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/daggers-wrath-part-one-prolog...

Posted by The Rogue {Max} on Tue, 11/29/2016 - 02:41
I love the count for each

I love the count for each stanza, and how this sets it up. The themes of home and fear run throughout, and the outside influence of friends and comrades. Though the soldier seems very distinct from them, very set apart and isolated. Each stanza flows well and is very lyrical and evocative. 

The count is very effective, ominous. It's an intriguing one, and I'm definitely hooked, even if it's vague it's effective at what it's doing. Not everything needs to be easily understood immediately. Sometimes you need to think, and this is something beautiful.

 

I am a tired bean and I need constant sleep pls let me chill

Posted by Rebec on Fri, 01/27/2017 - 18:12

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