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Saphires ch. 2

Saphires ch. 2

Posted December 18th, 2020 by Cutecrittre9

by Kaylen
in British Columbia

Chapter 2

We finish dinner. It was shake-and-bake chicken, rice, and carrots and broccoli. I just finished cleaning the dishes, and I step outside. I sit down on the swing and pull out my phone. I'm answering text messages when a bee lands on my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I immediately stand up and swat it away, backing up towards the door. There are three of them, and i clumsily swat them away before turning and sprinting to the front door. I run across the porch and grab the doorknob, but as I do, something yellow flutters to the ground. I pick it up, And find that it's a lined sticky note. It has a message on it! But instead of being exciting, the note only has a perfectly drawn neon pink smiley face on it. I stare at it, embarrased - somebody was here and watched me swat at those bees? Anyways, whoever it is, I must not know them. Because everyone is inside. I fold it up neatly and stick it in my pocket. I step inside and find myself running straight upstairs to my room. "Violet! What do you think you are doing?!" I hear my Moms voice from downstairs. "Why would you put something sticky like this on a picture of your great grandfather!!!" I walk back downstairs silently and peer around the corner to the source of the voice. I slide across the floor to see a sticky note with a Cyan smiley face sitting right on top of great grandfather Patrick's picture. "I... I didn't do it..." I sputter "well then who did? The boogie man? I know what your drawing looks like - you can't fool me." Mom gave me a stern look and peeled the note off of the glass. "Vilet santi claws is watchin you!" Jackson shouted. "Yes, That's right Violet. He is. Thank you Jackson." Mom agreed. "But Santa isn't re-" I stopped myself. "Violet! Go to your room, i can't deal with you right now." Mom said and then pointed down the hall and up the stairs. "Mom I di-" I stopped and pulled out the pink smiley face "Here is my proof! I found one too!!!" I shouted back. "Go to your room, an i don't want to see you out here until you are done lying!" Mom Talked a little less angrily now. I growl, crumple the note in a ball, and throw it at the picture of great grandpa Patrick. As I storm off to my room I find that yet another sticky has found its way to my door.


See more stories by Kaylen
This is great! Keep up the

This is great! Keep up the good work. 

Would you mind if I critice it?

 

1. Make sure you only use capitles were you need to. Like - It was shake-and-bake chicken, Rice, and Carrots and broccoli. Rice and carrots don't need to be capitalized

2. the sentence - I found one to! See? *she believes me* Thank you!" I growl, crumple the note in a ball, and throw it at the picture of great grandpa Patrick. As I storm off to my room I find that yet another sticky, has found its way to my door is a little confussing. why did she go to her room if mom believed her?

3. In the sentence a greyish hand comes through the back of the seat, you spell it grayish

That is all for now! Great story by the way! I will be exited when the next chapter comes out!

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It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

Posted by Ryoko on Sun, 12/20/2020 - 14:47
Thank you for the tips, I

Thank you for the tips, I will be sure to work on that

Posted by Cutecrittre9 on Tue, 12/22/2020 - 00:06
The edits make much more

The edits make much more sense now!  :)

Also It is great to see new people on the site!

There are a lot of features on Kidpub, so you should spend time exploring the site.

___________________________________________________________________

It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

Posted by Olivinat on Tue, 12/22/2020 - 10:03
Tyvm!!! I'll remember to

Tyvm!!! I'll remember to explore the website when I have time

Posted by Cutecrittre9 on Tue, 12/22/2020 - 12:31

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