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Series: Jr. Detective Tomathy Pillsmar; Year: 1; Chapter: Introduction

Series: Jr. Detective Tomathy Pillsmar; Year: 1; Chapter: Introduction

Posted February 9th, 2017 by esanta31

by Elizabeth
in Ohio

Introduction

 

                Once there was a boy named Tomathy Pillsmar, who, when he had a dream, which was quite often, dreamt that he was a detective.  Now, this young lad was ten years old, although he resembled a five year old for, although he was tall and thin, was still in the possession of a toddler’s facial proportions.

 


See more stories by Elizabeth
I posted this and would like

I posted this and would like to ask for any CC (even the most opinionated doesn’t bug me) and ideas for more stories.  No deaths please.

Posted by Elizabeth on Fri, 03/24/2017 - 13:53
I think this segment is too

I think this segment is too short, perhaps you could combine it with Chapter 1?

Also, perhaps you could expand on how he dreams he is a detective and maybe cut out the part about his appearance? It's kind of an infodump, and not exactly relevant to details  in a scene or to the story as a whole.

However, I like the premise! This short bit alone gives you a good idea as to where the story might go. I really like the general idea of the young boy often having dreams that he is a detective.

{i want to prove that we aren't smoldering in this small world.}

Posted by Kingpin on Fri, 04/07/2017 - 18:00

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