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Surviving the Undead. Prologue, and chapter 1,and 2

Surviving the Undead. Prologue, and chapter 1,and 2

Posted June 5th, 2019 by Olivinat

by Fire Dragon 74
in Wisconsin

Surviving the Undead

 

Prologue - 2 months ago

The Year 1910

 

          I had never thought the soft groaning sound was anything strange or important. But it all changed one Tuesday when we were walking down the bike path. I was walking with dad, Max, and Roen. We were half way down the trail when a deformed creature {zombie} came upon us. It bite dad, but the rest of us escaped. We saw two more deformed creatures that looked like mom and Emily! We ran for the tree house with the lock hatch. We climbed up and locked it. The fort had a small building with one bed under the roof. We stayed there for about two months before we started to modify.

Chapter 1- Upgraded

 

 

 

        I’m June. If you had read the prologue the story will make sense. We started by taking the building down and adding onto the deck, then we made a big, two-story, wood building. We added a bathroom, {using a metal toilet bucket} three bedrooms, a kitchen, a better ladder, and some self-defense weapons. We have bows and arrows, and baseball bats. We have armor and cool stuff like that. Do you know how we got this stuff? We left home base.

Chapter 2- Found

 

       One of the hardest missions we did was the supermall mission 2#. We were making a zip line for fast exit, and travel. {Would be great for drying socks and underwear} We had entered the supermall and were at Dick’s sports goods.

I heard a groan and I warned the others. We got ready for zombies and went to investigate. We turned the corner and went into Animal Trot Pet Shop and investigated.

We heard the noise again. So we turned the corner to see a medium sized building

       “Hello?” Roen shouted

       “Groan.”

       We went to investigate.

       “Groan.”

       We pushed open the door and…a ton of zombies attacked us. An hour later we got the zip line and were home.


See more stories by Fire Dragon 74
I enjoyed your first story!

I enjoyed your first story! Welcome to KidPub, Olivia!

Will read all chapters you post in the future.

 

The pleasure of reading a story and wondering what will come next for the hero is a pleasure that has lasted for centuries and, I think, will always be with us. - Stan Lee

Posted by pensword on Wed, 06/05/2019 - 18:28
I have a lot of questions

I have a lot of questions about this story that I think might help.

Why didn't the prologue narrator (June?) think the groaning was important? 

What are the characters like? Are June, Max, Roen, and Emily all brothers and sisters? If not, how do they know each other?

How old are the characters? What do they look like?

June, Max, and Roen are the "we" who go on the supermall mission, right? If so, is the fourth bed in their fort just extra, or is someone else there you forgot to mention?

How does June feel about her parents and Emily being bitten? If she's sad, how does she express her sadness? Does she keep it inside?

How do the characters feel about each other?

How did the characters manage to get through fifty four zombies?

Why are the chapters so short?

 

You don't have to answer ALL of these right now, but I think they'd be questions worth thinking about that might make the story better.

Do you want to write a lot of action/adventure? This seems like it could fit really well into that genre.

____________________________________________________________

Spero quod via tua est directa et quod tuum onus est levis.

Posted by *Snow* on Tue, 09/17/2019 - 20:43
The zombifidie sister Emily

The zombifidie sister Emily groans a lot.

They are all family.

teens, brown hair, blue eyes.

yes, extra

sad mostily she doesn't miss emily:)

there family!!

don't know

not many Ideas

yes it is in action\adventure

Posted by Fire Dragon 74 on Wed, 09/18/2019 - 10:08

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