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Surviving the Undead. Chapter 6.

Surviving the Undead. Chapter 6.

Posted June 19th, 2019 by Olivinat

by Fire Dragon 74
in Wisconsin

Chapter 6-Unfinished

        I jumped up and landed on his head. I stabbed him in the forehead and he howled in pain. He shook me off and I went flying. I landed with a crunch in a pile of leaves. They broke my fall. I was dizzy and sat down to stabilize myself. When I regained stability I went to find out where I was. I turned the corner and saw a MacDonald’s. I know I was lost when I saw A Dairy Queen next to it. I saw three houses then I saw that one of them was my house! I ran into it and memorize flooded back. A tear falls as I remember mom and her songs and hugs. I see the tree fort down the road and run to it. I climb up the ladder and see Max tending Roen, who is unconcise, Max looks up and ran to me

        “Roen came flying and hit the tree fort wall!” He says and smiles. “It was like he got in a catapult and it activated Hee-Hee-Ha- Ha-Ha!”

        Roen began to steer and Max stopped laughing.

        “Ow my head!” Roen moaned in pain 

        Max pushed a cold pack onto his head.

        “Ow.” Roen said sitting up.

        “Your wake!” Max jolted toward him

        “Oww” Roen moaned

        “I think you should stay and rest today!” I said, “speaking of which I should take a rest too.”

        “I’ll get the pillows!” Max called for a different room.

        I heard Roen as I got in to my bed. I thought The controller would die of loss of blood but I was wrong, he was alive and he was angry… at me!


See more stories by Fire Dragon 74
I have some more grammar ish

I have some more grammar ish questions this time. Here's hoping you don't get bored...!

You wrote "memorize flooded back." Did you mean "memories?"

You wrote "Roen, who is unconcise." Did you mean "unconscious?"

You wrote "Roen began to steer." Did you mean "stir?"

You wrote "Your wake!" Did you mean "You're awake!"

You wrote "Max called for a different room." Did you mean "Max called from a different room?"

Is this story meant to be written in past tense or present tense? You use them both inconsistently.

I know, I know. Super nitpicky. But I didn't have any better questions...! This chapter was good!

 

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Spero quod via tua est directa et quod tuum onus est levis.

Posted by *Snow* on Sat, 09/21/2019 - 23:12

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