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Life Against Death Prolouge

Life Against Death Prolouge

Posted October 13th, 2012 by Read_Write

by feysand (lydia)
in love with tom holland

A/N: New story! I hope this is going to be a good story and everyone likes it! Please comment and CC! I will be asking for story titles soon! Also, I am hoping to post a chapter every 4 days. (So on the fifth day I'll post another chapter)

Prolouge

 

          Everyone knows that there are humans. Everyone knows there is an Earth. But what they may not know is what lies under the Earth.  Most don’t know that there are Miliciy, or even Huciy. But a few do.

          No human knows about Jinner. But the Miliciy do. The Miliciy know about Huggun. The Miliciy know the problem. They know what would happen if they didn’t do anything about it. They know a lot that the humans don’t, but they aren’t smarter than them. The Miliciy are just sneakier. The Miliciy have a master plan.

 

Whaddya think? :)


See more stories by feysand (lydia)
That was so incredible. I

That was so incredible. I think it should be a bit longer, however :D I think you went striaght in action, which is a good thing. I can't wait for the first chapter :^)

~~~~~~~

"...I'll be eating cake when you get back."

Posted by Max on Sat, 10/13/2012 - 20:27
Thank you! ----- My

Thank you!

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Posted by Lydia on Sat, 10/13/2012 - 20:30
That was really good:) I'd

That was really good:) I'd enjoy reading more

 

 

Before i knew it, i was falling out the window, the broken glass falling with me. But right then, when my life was changing forever, i felt; frozen. - from the story frozen

Posted by Isabelle on Sat, 10/13/2012 - 20:51
Thank you so

Thank you so much!

 

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Posted by Lydia on Sat, 10/13/2012 - 22:13
This sounds really

This sounds really interesting. I can't wait to read the first chapter.

Posted by Harry on Sat, 10/13/2012 - 23:40
Thank you! And welcome to

Thank you! And welcome to KidPub!

 

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Posted by Lydia on Sun, 10/14/2012 - 09:28
I can't wait for the Mater

I can't wait for the Mater Plan!

 

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A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world.

Posted by Aida on Mon, 10/15/2012 - 04:04
I really enjoyed your

I really enjoyed your prolouge. I liked how it was mysterious. I think it could be a bit longer because even though I like how short it is, it would be even better if it was a bit longer! Fantastic proloug though!

Posted by Matilda on Mon, 10/15/2012 - 04:11
Thank you, both of you! It

Thank you, both of you! It really means a lot!

 

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Posted by Lydia on Mon, 10/15/2012 - 17:07
Wow! That was really

Wow! That was really good!

CC- I agree with the others, maybe a bit longer. Also, I got a little confuzzled with all of the names and such..

otherwise, good job!
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Posted by Confuzzled on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 19:31
Thank you!   ----- My sig!

Thank you!

 

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Posted by Lydia on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 20:47
Fantastic. I'm going to read

Fantastic. I'm going to read the first chapter now! Also, are you going to continue the 67th Hunger Games? I really liked that. Please continue it and this too!

I lost The Game!

Posted by AbbeyBominable on Thu, 10/18/2012 - 09:37
Thank you! Yeah, I'll

Thank you!

Yeah, I'll continue the 67th Hunger Games, but it won't come out as fast. :)

 

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Posted by Lydia on Thu, 10/18/2012 - 10:22
Intriguing, and it grabs you

Intriguing, and it grabs you with the hook. It's bit short though, if it was a little longer it would be even better.

 

Hope springs eternal~~

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Posted by otaku on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 12:20
Yeah... the actual chapters

Yeah... the actual chapters are longer.

 

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Posted by Lydia on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 12:31
Good! You are

Good! You are entered!

 

 

"Come on baby with me, we're gonna fly away" -Ronan

Posted by Holly on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 21:57
I really like this! Not much

I really like this! Not much to say since I haven't got to Chapter one....which I will read now!

Posted by Mickky on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 19:02
I really really real;y

I really really real;y really LOVE this!! <33 You have a way of hooking readers from the start (I read something else of yours...  I don't remember what...  I think... XD) and pulling them right into the storyline so that they're fighting alongside your characters.  It's a gift, seriously. :)

Onto the plot: I really really really really REALLY love the plot!  Obviously, I know basically nothing about it at this point, besides: 1) Miliciy and Huciy lie under the earth. 2) Most humans don't know about them. 3) Huggun and Jinner lie under the earth, too. 4) ABSOLUTELY no humans know about them. 5) The Miliciy are sneaky and have a master plan.

So, basically, you've written a prologue that's the size of this comment, given me minimal information, and introduced no characters whatsoever, and you've completely hooked me.

That.  Is.  Amazing.

Seriously.

Anyways, onto the meat of it: I seriously love this.  The teeny bit of information is organized in this unrepetitive way that makes you go, "Moremoremore NOW!"  And the writing is REALLY persuasive.  You also told us there was a problem AND gave us a potential solution.  There you go: perfect prologue.  

My only CC is to make it longer.  A good prologue length is anywhere from 250-1000 words (in my opinion; that doesn't mean I don't have wicked short prologues myself... XD).

Anyway, I'm DEFINITELY going to try to follow this!  Really nice job. I look forward to reading more!

~FMD

Posted by ~ForeverMyDraco~ on Thu, 11/08/2012 - 07:23
Thank you so much! It really

Thank you so much! It really means a lot!

 

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Posted by Lydia on Thu, 11/08/2012 - 17:39
It's really good, I'm about

It's really good, I'm about to read chapter one. However, it's pretty short. I like the way you don't really explain anything, just say a few things that will make sense to us later. About to read chapter 1!

"'Want some daiquiri?' she [Angel] offered, pointing to the blender. 'Is it traitor flavored?' I asked." -Angel and Max, Fang, Maximum Ride Series, By James Patterson

Posted by KatAutumn on Fri, 11/23/2012 - 19:58
" No matter how talented you

" No matter how talented you are, not everyone's going to like you, but that's life, stay strong" ~ Justin bieber

 

Wow, that was AWESOME!

Posted by Infinity (IAMLUV) on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 21:25
Thanks! :D   ----- My sig!

Thanks! :D

 

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~~Lydia~~

Posted by Lydia on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 21:30
Makes me want more.

Makes me want more. :)

Awesome!

"Help me! Help me! I'm too lazy to escape!" Bender, Futurama "Hey, that was a conscience choice! You peed on my couch!" ~Doofenshmirtz, Phineas And Ferb: Across the Second Dimension

Posted by Catty the Elf on Thu, 01/03/2013 - 10:55
Wow! It sounds so

Wow! It sounds so orginal!

 

~ "Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future." -- Oscar Wilde~

Posted by ~Emerld~*~ on Thu, 01/03/2013 - 16:09
Thank you, Catty and

Thank you, Catty and Emerald! Um... Emerld, I mean. I guess. :P

 

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Please check out Life Against Death (previously Untitled): http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/untitled-story-prolouge-20811...

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~~Lydia~~

Posted by Read_Write on Thu, 01/03/2013 - 17:09
That sounds really

That sounds really interesting, and it really is a unique novel idea ^o^ I can't wait to read the rest of it!

I've got no CC o3o

 

~~Calla~~ Writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted.

Posted by ~~Calla~~ on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 17:37
Ooh,

Ooh, foreshadowing!

Continue! Continue!

Posted by Hermione on Tue, 01/08/2013 - 19:28
Thanks. :)   ----- Please

Thanks. :)

 

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Please check out Life Against Death (previously Untitled): http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/untitled-story-prolouge-20811...

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~~Lydia~~

Posted by Lydia on Tue, 01/08/2013 - 20:28
Wow! That was amazing! It

Wow! That was amazing! It really was!

You leave us wanting more, wanting to know hwo these creature - or things - are. Yes, mabye it could be a bit longer but it grabs our attention from the first sentence. And that is the main point of a prologe, so good job!

~ Shortbread (Helen) ~

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Posted by Shortbread (Helen) on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 18:05
that was a really good

that was a really good prolouge!!! loved it!

 

-A friend is someone who's just as weird as you and wont roll their eyes at your craziness! -ME!!

Posted by NICOLE!! :D on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 21:15
Thanks! :)   ----- Please

Thanks! :)

 

-----

Please check out Life Against Death (previously Untitled): http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/untitled-story-prolouge-20811...

And please get an awesome book cover (for free): http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=3053

~~Lydia~~

Posted by Lydia on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 22:00
Ooh, hooking prologue! I'm

Ooh, hooking prologue! I'm guessing milicy are aliens?
Sorry it took me a while to comment on your story as your prize.

Posted by pradakitty on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 19:23
Thanks! Eh... the Miliciy

Thanks!

Eh... the Miliciy are kind of like Humans but their bodies are not wired quite like ours.

 

-----

Please check out Life Against Death (previously Untitled): http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/untitled-story-prolouge-20811...

And please get an awesome book cover (for free): http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=3053

~~Lydia~~

Posted by Lydia on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 19:24
Wow, lots and lots of race

Wow, lots and lots of race names and stuff. :) Very interesting.
_______
Fire is life, and fire is fury. Fire is home, and fire is destruction. Fire is warmth, and fire is hunger. Fire is embrace, and fire is spite. In short, fire is me.

Posted by Vertigo (TDC & ... on Sun, 03/17/2013 - 10:28
Haha, thanks.

Haha, thanks. :P

 

-----

Please check out Life Against Death: http://goo.gl/p7R7q

Awesome book covers... http://goo.gl/m9CnY

~~Lydia~~

"Un telligente celebro sabe mas... Spanish. A brilliant mind knows a lot." ~Me and some others... in reading class, trying to write a play.

Posted by Lydia on Sun, 03/17/2013 - 11:10
You are

You are welcome.
_______
LIVE reverse it boldly. . .

Posted by Vertigo (TDC & ... on Sun, 03/17/2013 - 11:12
Epic prolouge!! It really

Epic prolouge!! It really draws the reader in.

CC:You wrote "They know a lot that humans don't." I think it would sound better to write "They know a lot of things that humans don't."

That's all I have for you! Good job. :D

 

P.S. sorry it took so long for me to get you your prize from my contest. I went on vacation. :P

Posted by Claire on Mon, 04/08/2013 - 11:49
It's fine. :) Thank you for

It's fine. :) Thank you for the CC! I'll change that when I go back and edit the whole thing. :P

 

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Please check out Life Against Death: http://goo.gl/p7R7q

Awesome book covers... http://goo.gl/m9CnY

~~Lydia~~

"Un telligente celebro sabe mas... Spanish. A brilliant mind knows a lot." ~Me and some others... in reading class, trying to write a play.

Posted by Lydia on Mon, 04/08/2013 - 16:39
This is really interesting.

This is really interesting. A pretty good prologue, I liked how you introduced the story. May be the last two sentences could be changed, just so that the subjects aren't the same. But it definately catches the reader and interests them. I already want to read more!

Posted by Ember on Wed, 04/17/2013 - 18:27
It could be a bit longer,

It could be a bit longer, but it really draws me in.

 

~Pencil Shavings~

Posted by Pencil Shavings on Thu, 05/30/2013 - 08:32
This was epic! Though, it

This was epic! Though, it could be a little longer, maybe like 7 / 8 lines longer :) but other than that, this sounds amazing XDD I'm going to read the first chapter now!!!!!!!! :D

~ please enter my Poetry and Plays contest and my writing contest!!! XD writing contest: http://www.kidpub.com/story/writing-contest-please-enter-2888139206 poetry and plays contest: http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/poetry-and-plays-contest-2888

Posted by *Skyfall* {Sruti} on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 09:49
Yeah, I usually end up

Yeah, I usually end up making prologues a little short. xD Oh well. Thanks for commenting!

Posted by Invisible (Lydia) on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 10:01
Its good, but I think you

Its good, but I think you should add more detail. I didn't quite get some of it. But other than that good job! I can't wait to read the first chapter

Posted by Kirsten on Sat, 11/16/2013 - 13:24
Thanks for commenting! Yep,

Thanks for commenting!

Yep, I'm planning on making much longer and stuff when I go back and edit the whole thing. It really needs it xP

 

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Please check out Life Against Death: http://goo.gl/p7R7q

Awesome book covers... http://goo.gl/m9CnY

~~Lydia~~

"Un telligente celebro sabe mas... Spanish. A brilliant mind knows a lot." ~Me and some others... in English class, trying to write a play.

Posted by Invisible (Lydia) on Sat, 11/16/2013 - 17:51
Read and comment on a

Read and comment on a chapter of my book,"The Love of a CHRISTIAN HOME"

 

 

 

WOW, WOW, WOW!

Posted by Ella on Tue, 11/19/2013 - 11:44
Haha, thanks.

Haha, thanks. :)

 

-----

Please check out Life Against Death: http://goo.gl/p7R7q

Awesome book covers... http://goo.gl/m9CnY

~~Lydia~~

"Un telligente celebro sabe mas... Spanish. A brilliant mind knows a lot." ~Me and some others... in English class, trying to write a play.

Posted by Invisible (Lydia) on Tue, 11/19/2013 - 14:38

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