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Why am I still holding on?

Why am I still holding on?

Posted March 19th, 2017 by TCGuest

by Rambouten101
in Hawaii(I can dream, right?)

As a kid
I was the type of girl
Who would read myself a bedtime story
Turn off my lights
Tuck myself in
Sing myself a lullaby
And tell myself goodnight
Because there was no one to do it for me
I thought
That as I grew older
I wouldn't care
That I couldn't remember the last time
My parents read to me
But now
It's what gathers in my chest at night
Threatening to explode
From me
In gasping sobs
And pleas
I thought life would be easier
Maybe I would be texting
Or partying
Until midnight
But now
That's the time where I decide
Whether to hold on to life
Or let go
Whether to maul my skin with cuts and scans
Or to leave it clean
It's almost okay
In the moment you forget
That there is no one left that loves you
But then it comes back in waves
Waves of sorrow
Waves of emptiness
And then there is no one there
To touch your shoulder
To hold you as you sob
And it's worse than before
And you are searching for the rainbow
And you are searching for the stars
But the storm hasn't weathered
And the clouds are covering up the moon
The tears will stain your cheeks in the morning
And the blood will stain your wrists
But no one will look
And no one will care
So why
Why am I still holding on?

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