/* PCD change http to https for CSRF JUL 2017 */ The World of Troodainia~Book One: A New Oric (Prologue) *EDITED* *EDITIED YET AGAIN* | KidPub Press //
The World of Troodainia~Book One: A New Oric (Prologue) *EDITED* *EDITIED YET AGAIN*

The World of Troodainia~Book One: A New Oric (Prologue) *EDITED* *EDITIED YET AGAIN*

Posted September 26th, 2011 by TheAshWolf

by TheAshWolf
in


(Author's Note:)

Wow. I've been a member of KidPub for 364 days. I posted this prologue the day I joined. Now...it's time for me to edit my work and hope you all will like this as much as the old version.

Basically, I'm going to go in, fix as many typos as I can find, bump up the description a bit...you know, give WOT a little polishing. Nothing major will be changed, I assure you.

To keep everything neat and tidy, I will be deleting the original chapter posts. Your comments mean too much to me to just get rid of like that, so I will save them on a Word document. :) The original number of comments and reads I will also save. (Even though the reads are inaccurate. XD)

 

ANYWAY, I hope you all enjoy this. :3 Tell me if you see any typos or have some CC.

 

 

 

Here's a link to the official WOT webiste, if you want to check it out: http://troodainia.weebly.com/

 

 

 

(Author's Note as of 02/29/2012:)

Hey, all! :) I decided to update the Prologue ONE LAST TIME. XD Just wanted to smooth things over a bit, you know? Change the flow a bit. I hope you take the time to re-read it. <:^J

 

(Author's Note as of 10/11/2012:)

I am NEVER going to be satisfied with this Prologue, am I? <:^D

 

(Author's Note as of 02/26/2013:)

Typos, typos, everywhere typos.... >_>

 

 

 

 

 

Prologue

 

 

 

 

 

ALL MY LIFE, tragedy has been looming over my family. The moment something goes right, the universe decides to slap us in the face with a disaster. My life is a constant emotional rollercoaster—one second, pure joy, the next, pure agony. And I’m not talking about little things like breaking the garbage disposal or finding twenty dollars lying in the street. I’m talking about the kind of events that shape your life, ruin favorite songs, and leave emotional scars so deep they practically split your sanity in two.

          For example, let’s take a look at my mother. The day I learned to walk was the day she learned she had cancer. She battled the disease until I was five years old. She died the day after I enrolled into kindergarten.

          Two years later, my twenty year old brother boarded a plane to California despite his fear of flying. The plane he took never even made it past the Arizona state line. Decades have passed since his death, and we still don’t know why that plane crashed.

          Not two months after my brother died, my grandfather on my mother’s side won the lottery and bought a boat. He and my other grandfather went on a fishing trip. The search and rescue teams gave up looking for them when months of searching only turned up their broken fishing poles and the splintered remains of the boat.

          Imagine being the shy, impressionable seven year old girl that I was. More than half my family was gone. I didn’t know why they were gone or where exactly they went. All I knew is that I missed them. I noticed the pain and sorrow in my father’s usually brave face. He was all I had left in the world. My mother’s mother had died before I was born, and my father did not permit me to be around my other grandmother or my mother’s only brother. According to him, neither one were “good associations” for a young child like myself.

          Meanwhile, I found very little comfort in school. I got good grades, but it didn’t win me any friends. Instead, it gained me approval from my teachers. This earned me the honorary title of “Teachers Pet,” despite the fact I disliked my high-and-mighty teachers just as much as my classmates did.

          Without my trusted sibling, grandparents, a mother, or even a friend, I turned to my father for solace. He became my confidant. I told him everything that ever came to my mind. A joke, a problem, a passing thought, a simple opinion—he listened to them all. In turn, I listened to whatever he wanted to say, whether it was a lecture, a lesson, or a problem he was mulling over. I learned how to listen, to look at life logically, and to read a person’s face. He taught me everything school couldn’t. By the time I was ten, I could take care of myself better than the average adult. I could cook, I could clean, I could hunt for bargains at the store. The trust my Dad and I shared was so strong, we hardly ever fought the way fathers and daughters tend to do. Since we always talked, we always understood each other. It got to the point where we could even finish each other’s sentences. We were inseparable. He valued my word just as much as I valued his.

          But there is a danger in building your life around a single person like that, and we both knew it.

          Behind the mask of a grin I always wore, back in the farthest corner of my mind, I was always worried that tragedy would strike one more time. I couldn’t help but wonder how I would cope with losing my father. Just the thought of not being able to see him every day terrified me.

          Just a few years after our family had been torn apart, my worst nightmare came true.

          When I was in fifth grade, my dad lost his job. His company was downsizing, and he just had to be one of the workers they let go. Then the car broke down and needed a new transmission or differential or something expensive like that. Getting to school became a serious challenge. We didn’t have the money to buy me a bike, so I had to walk five miles to school and back for a whole week. I could have taken the bus, yes. But on the bus were the kids that tormented me day in and day out. The less I saw them, the better.

          The car was fixed on May 28th, 1990. I went to school in high spirits that day. How could I have known that a day with such a positive start would end so tragically?

          I was calmly sitting in class when it happened. Like so many other days, I was reading a book by Jules Verne and waiting for the rest of my classmates to finish their math worksheets. Without warning, the irksome sound of the telephone muffled the soft, familiar scratch of pencils on paper.

          I paid the disturbance little attention. An office lady probably needs some test results or something, I assumed. Even before the dark-haired Mrs. Mackintosh answered the phone, I had already reabsorbed my thoughts in the book in front of me.

          My teacher answered the phone with a cheery hello, as always. Her smile suddenly lessened. “You want Ambretta?” Mrs. Mackintosh said, tossing a glance in my direction. “Who is this?” A look of concern crossed her face. “Oh. Yes, of course. Hang on a moment, please.”

          My brain still refused to focus on anything but the novel in my hands. Why pay attention to a boring phone call when I could be off in another land, embarking on a perilous adventure with my favorite characters?

          Trying to catch my attention, the thirty-something teacher cleared her throat and called my name. “Amber? Would you come here a moment?” Mackintosh beckoned.

          Only vaguely aware that my nickname had been said, I refused to bring myself back to reality. Instead, I smirked at an amusing joke in the story and read on.

          Raising her voice slightly, Mackintosh called, “Amber, the phone is for you.”

          The orange haired girl sitting next to me poked my arm. “Amber! Ms. Mack wants you,” she hissed.

          I jumped a little and looked around the classroom absentmindedly. “Huh?” Noting my teacher’s irritated expression, I grinned sheepishly. “Sorry! I got caught up in the climax.”

          She ignored my apology. “There is a man on the phone who wants to talk to you right away. He says that he’s your uncle.”

          I paused for a moment. Uncle? What uncle? I asked myself, drawing a blank. I hastily searched the cluttered and unorganized filing cabinet that my brain becomes during school hours for an answer. Then, all at once, I remembered. My mother had one younger brother. The last time I saw my uncle was the day my mom died. I honestly didn’t know anything about him. According to my dad, he was, and I quote, “rich, secretive, and just downright weird.”

          Why would he be calling me?

          The eyes of my classmates traced my every step as I made my way over to the phone. Taking the receiver in my hand, I said into the mouthpiece uncertainly, “Uh…hello?”

          “Is this Amber speaking?” a man’s voice said on the other end of the line.

          I was tempted to scoff, “No, I’m sorry. It’s the Queen of England! Who else would you be talking to?” Suppressing the sudden wave of hostility, I muttered instead, “Yes, it’s Amber.”

          “You probably don’t remember me very well. My name is Vinny. You know, your mom’s brother?”

          “Yeah, I remember you.” I paused and I glanced at my class. Everybody was staring at me. In the far corner of the room, I spotted a familiar, cruel clique of girls whispering and motioning towards me. Their prissy, golden-haired leader shot me a sickly sweet grin, as if to say, “Oh no, we’re not talking about you! We’re talking about some other loser.”

          I nervously brushed a piece of dirty blond hair out of my face. In a softer tone of voice, I added, “Look, I don’t want to sound rude or anything, but why are you calling me?”

          Vinny cleared his throat. “I’m currently at the hospital. Amber, I hate to tell you this, but…your dad was in a car crash this morning.”

          I swear, the sound of a scratched record shrieked inside my head. My heart sank into my shoes. I felt my blood turn to ice.

          “He was unconscious for a while, but now he’s awake and asking for you. The doctors…they told me he might not make it through the day.”

          Hot adrenaline suddenly revived my dormant heart. The image of my father’s car ramming into another car and bursting into flames flashed in front of my eyes. “W-what?!” I stammered. That’s impossible! He’s always been a careful driver. Always. He’s fine, he has to be, I thought, denial beginning to encase my thoughts.

          “I’m sorry Amber, I really am. I’m coming to pick you up and take you to the hospital right now.”

          My words caught in my throat. Probably looking a lot like a landlocked tuna gasping for breath, I opened and closed my mouth in a pathetic attempt to form words. “Uhh, w-wait. Do you know where m-my school is?” I managed to stutter after a moment.

          “What’s the address?”

          “Err, it’s…uh…uh…” I babbled. I could feel my mind beginning to shut down, to start blocking out the impending pain. “It’s 102 East Arabian Drive. It’s right across the street from the library.”

          He paused. “Okay. I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

          To my surprise, he hung up without another word.

          “What’s wrong, Amber?” Mrs. Mackintosh asked, worry gleaming in her hazel eyes.

          My head was spinning. This just had to be a nightmare. My heart pounded in my ears. My stomach churned. I felt my hands beginning to sweat. Panic was slowly setting in. I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming. This isn’t happening, I chanted in my mind, hoping it would calm me down. I’ll wake up any second. I have to wake up sometime. I waited for my alarm clock’s screech. I waited for my little dog to nudge my hand and wake me up. I waited for my dad to gently shake my shoulder and tell me I was going to be late for school. I denied that what I had heard—what I was living.

          Unfortunately, you can’t wake up from reality. My teacher, my class—they all stared at me, patiently waiting for an answer.

          After a minute of icy silence, I finally muttered, “My dad was in a car crash.”

 

Less than an hour later, I was running down a hospital corridor looking for room 287. My heart was pounding. He better be okay! He just HAS to be okay! I screamed in my mind.

          “Hey!” a portly nurse yelled after me. “Little girl! The Intensive Care Unit is off limits to visitors! Get back here.” I could hear her shoes clomping down the hallway behind me, but I didn’t care.

          Finally, I found my dad’s room. I quickly threw open the door and stepped inside. My eyes settled on the hospital bed in front of me. My heart skipped about three beats.

          There, lying in the bed, bruised and bandaged, was my father. All sorts of wires and machines surrounded him, many of them emitting some sort of irritating noise.

          I flocked to his side. “Dad?” I breathed, choking back tears.

          His eyes flickered halfway open, revealing the hazy blue eyes I knew so well. “A-am…ber? Is…that you?” he whispered hoarsely.

          “Yeah, dad. It’s me,” I responded.

          “Oh, good. Good…to hear…v-voice,” he rasped. “Amber?”

          A long pause followed. All I heard was the hammering of my heart, and the rhythmic beeping of a nearby pulse monitor. I held my breath, not wanting to miss a single word.

          “I wanted…to tell you…you’re…th-the best daughter…in the world…and I love you…and I’m sorry that I…” he trailed off.

          My heart froze in my chest. Tears clouded my vision.

          “…haven’t been able,” he added after that suspenseful moment of silence, “…to…fill in for your mother…very well.” A tear trickled down his bruised face. “I’m sorry.”

          I felt the scalding hot tears beginning to spill over. My throat burned and I felt dizzy. I wiped at my eyes hurriedly. “Oh, Dad! You don’t have to be sorry for anything! Y-you’re the best dad in the world. I love you t-t-too!”

          Another long pause followed. A faint smile flickered across my father’s face for a split second. “Thank you, sweetie pie…” he whispered. His eyes slowly went blank.

          “Dad?” I breathed.

          He didn’t even blink.

          I felt my heart sink to my shoes. “Hey…Dad? You okay?”

          My pulse quickened when I noticed that he wasn’t breathing. The pulse monitor beside me began to beep faster.

          I could barely see through the tears. My throat felt like it was on fire. “No…” I whispered. “You can’t…you can’t leave me, too…”

          It was as if the room was collapsing around me. The lights dimmed. The walls and the ceiling slowly pressed in, cornering me.

          I started hyperventilating. “Dad! Wake u–”

          The pulse monitor yelled, “Beeeeeeeeeeeeeee…” and didn’t stop.

          I buried my face in my hands. I didn’t even notice when the nurses scrambled into the room. My dad was gone. That’s all I could focus on. I was alone.

          My dad once told me, “Broken hearts heal the same way broken bones do. You need to set it straight, or it will heal crooked.” In the months following his death, I came to realize how true that was. My heart was healing slowly but surely. But it was healing crooked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Original number of comments (not including replies to comments): 34

Original number of reads (aka times clicked on): 1,352

 

 

 

 

© 2012 - 2013 Ashley Briarwolf. All rights reserved.


See more stories by TheAshWolf
Great job, ASH! You

Great job, ASH! You rock!

THE BIGGEST KP WRITING AWARDS EVER--THE GOLDEN QUILL AWARDS! http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/biggest-kidpub-writing-awards...

Posted by Moonbeam (stella) on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 14:28
This is really interesting!

This is really interesting! I didn't read the orignal version, but I  am going to be reading this one all the way through! I look forward to reading it! 

 

“In all the work you are doing, work the best you can. Work like you are working for the Lord, not for people.” Colossians 3:23

Posted by AnnaMator on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 14:30
WHOA. I can't believe how

WHOA.

I can't believe how amazing this is, it's just- whoa.

This is so desriptive and amazing and sad and awesome and cool and epic.

Now for CC when you'd least expect it...

At the beginning, the part about her brother in the plane crash seems a little too expanded, I guess you could say, like some of that nformation wasn't needed. You could've just said something like: Two years later, my twenty year old brother flew on a jet to California and the plane crashed by an unknown cause.

And at the part about the girl saying: "Amber! Ms. Mack wants you!" I believe the word you're looking for is hissed, not "whispered harshly."

Aw. Now I sound like I want to boss you around. I always sound so rude when I'm giving CC...

Posted by Jesse on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 14:36
This is AWESOME!!!!!! No

This is AWESOME!!!!!!

No Olive.He is not acully sidekick & the world will not be destroyed by an astroid tomarrow"~Ant Farm I stick my tounge out at you~Magie Your a discrace to discraces!!!!!!!~?

Posted by Summer (Maggie) on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 14:44
I remember when I first read

I remember when I first read this and I wanted to cry.  However, this made me SOB UNCONTROLLABLY!  *recedes into a corner of the room with tissues all over the floor*  Excuse me...  I think I need to cry some more now...  *blows nose*

This...  so sad...  beautiful-epic...  *bursts into tears*

"Even when I'm walking on a wire, even when I set myself on fire, why do I always feel invisible?"~Invisible by Skylar Grey

Posted by Issabella on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 14:58
@Everyone: Thank you so much

@Everyone: Thank you so much for your comments!!! :3 Sorry that the Prologue was so sad...

@Jesse: Thanks for the CC. :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here your dreams are sweet,
And tomorrow brings them true,
Here is the place where I love you…

-Rue's Lullaby

Posted by TheAshWolf on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 15:08
No problem! :)

No problem! :)

Posted by Jesse on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 15:18
It's perfect. SO

It's perfect. SO SAD!!!!!

"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But we can either run from it, or learn from it." -the Lion King

Posted by NightOwl0_0 on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 15:35
:',(   So sad.   Your such

:',(   So sad.

 

Your such an awesome writer, Ash!  Don't ever forget it!!

 

I am the Bringer of Peace and the Keeper of War.

Posted by Zulfiqar on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:15
Thanks, everyone!!!

Thanks, everyone!!! :'^D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here your dreams are sweet,
And tomorrow brings them true,
Here is the place where I love you…

-Rue's Lullaby

Posted by TheAshWolf on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:44
I loved this the first time

I loved this the first time I read this and I LOVE IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

I'm so mean, I'm nice~myself

Posted by Kat on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:13
Eh. It still needs more

Eh.

It still needs more work.

Amber, to me, seems kinda obnoxious.

 

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

Posted by Katniss Everdeen on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:30
If you have any CC, then I'd

If you have any CC, then I'd love to hear it. :)

Well...she did just watch her father die and has been shipped off to a place she's never been to live with the uncle she barely knows. o_e XD Such things tend to make people cranky.

P.S. Awesome. New. Screen name. :D HUNGER GAMES FOR THE WIIIIIN!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here your dreams are sweet,
And tomorrow brings them true,
Here is the place where I love you…

-Rue's Lullaby

Posted by TheAshWolf on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:43
Camille, it's the prologue.

Camille, it's the prologue. She has yet to develop.

"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But we can either run from it, or learn from it." -the Lion King

Posted by NightOwl0_0 on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:13
If someone did that on my

If someone did that on my prologue, nobody would care.

Besides, she's already on book two, smarty, and is obviously the most popular "author" in the universe.

 

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

Posted by Katniss Everdeen on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 06:18
*shrugs* Amber doesn't

*shrugs* Amber doesn't really bother me. Is there anything you like about this story?

"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But we can either run from it, or learn from it." -the Lion King

Posted by NightOwl0_0 on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 08:29
OMPJ this is amazing Ash!

OMPJ this is amazing Ash! Love it! I can't believe I didn't read it sooner! *scolds self*

The Dark Side says that they have cookies. They are lying. Come to the Light Side. We have cookies, brownies, and TACOS! Really!

Posted by Moogle on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:31
That's totally fine! I'm

That's totally fine! I'm glad you didn't read the terrible unedited version. :P

Thanks for commenting!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here your dreams are sweet,
And tomorrow brings them true,
Here is the place where I love you…

-Rue's Lullaby

Posted by TheAshWolf on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 20:23
Only 2 words needed:

Only 2 words needed: totallyawesometotallyawesometotallyawesometotallyawesometotallyawesometotallyawesometotallyawesometotallyawesome x64 

I MEAN IT! This can only be described by those 2 words. T-O-T-A-L-L-Y A-W-E-S-O-M-E. 

I am so following! 

'If books are life, don't let your brother/sister/parents touch them!' ~Yours Truly~

 

Posted by Emma on Fri, 03/02/2012 - 17:44
:3 Thanks,

:3 Thanks, Emma!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by TheAshWolf (Ant... on Fri, 03/02/2012 - 17:47
I'm speechless. Wow. Wow.

I'm speechless. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. You're amazing when it comes to writing. Period. 

----Forever Me, NightOwl0_0

Posted by NightOwl0_0 (a ... on Fri, 03/02/2012 - 22:02
Max: Not "WOW". ^_^

Max: Not "WOW". ^_^ "WOT".

Me: Why do you keep trolling my comments? e_e

Max: BECAUSE I CAN! :D

Me: *boots him out of the comment* *turns to you* Haha, thanks, NightOwl. ^_^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by TheAshWolf (Ant... on Sat, 03/03/2012 - 18:32
      Okay, this is me

 

 

 

Okay, this is me right now.

It's beautiful. Greatly improved from the first time you posted it, by far.

I wish I could write well... I am a total writing failure. :(

And also usually I don't like this stuff because I am a hipster and I hate mainstream.

 

~Big Brother is Watching You.~

Posted by wildwolf on Sun, 03/04/2012 - 07:48
0_0 You...you really think

0_0 You...you really think I've improved? *stunned silence*

...

:'D Oh my word! THANK YOUUUU so much, Camille! ^____^ You just do not know how much that means to me!!!

O____O Waaaaitttt a second. Wait, wait, wait. Rewind. "Total writing failure"? Uh, no offense, but have you READ your stories?! What I've read of TKOS is BRILLIANT! :D You just HAVE to post more. Don't you dare call yourself a failure. You have talent, my friend. ;) Probably a lot more than I have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by TheAshWolf (Ant... on Sun, 03/04/2012 - 17:01
O. M. P. J. I have no words

O. M. P. J. I have no words to describe the awesomeness of this, but I'll try my best:

This almost had me in TEARS. It's been a while since I've read the original prologue, but you've DEFINITELY improved since then!!!!

Before I read this, I was thinking about how AWESOME this book was, so I decided to read the edited version. I'm SO EXCITED to keep reading and for you to publish!! I'll be you're first customer XD!

I have no CC whatsoever, and I'll get to reading the next chapter as soon as I can!!!!

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

:)(:MaggieMay:)(:

 

Come to the dark side...we have cookies!!

Posted by MaggieMay on Sun, 06/10/2012 - 13:42
Oh my gosh, thank you SO

Oh my gosh, thank you SO MUCH, Maggie!!! :D I am so incredibly glad you decided to read the edited version and actually liked it. ^__^

I'm sorry the Prologue was so sad, though.... o_e

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by TheAshWolf on Sun, 06/10/2012 - 14:38
You're welcome!! You ARE and

You're welcome!! You ARE and awesome writer, don't deny that!!!!!

Sadness is good...it makes me want to read more :,)

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

:)(:MaggieMay:)(:

 

Come to the dark side...we have cookies!!

Posted by MaggieMay on Sun, 06/10/2012 - 19:09
Haha!  I figured out how to

Haha!  I figured out how to read this through the disgraphia!  Post it on AN!  (I randomly did it the first time...)

Dis is coo...  Sad, but coo...

CC: Vinny cleared his throat. “I’m currently at the hospital. Amber, I hate to tell you this, but…your dad was in a car crash this morning.   <insert " here

 

And like the  early sun over the horizon, the phoenix rises above the sky.

Posted by Blue Phoenix on Fri, 06/15/2012 - 07:33
Good method! ^_^ O_o Is it

Good method! ^_^ O_o Is it the font that's making it hard for you? A/N changes the fonts...

Thanks, Logan!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by Antediluvian Ca... on Sun, 07/08/2012 - 03:40
I don't know...  It could

I don't know...  It could be...  

 

"But every time he burnt himself up he sprang out of the ashes, he got himself born again." -Granger, "Fahrenheit 451," by Ray Bradbury.

Unstoppable force, meet immovable object.

Blek.

Posted by Blue Phoenix on Sun, 07/08/2012 - 10:01
Well... That was

Well...
That was AWESOME.

Probably one of the best prologues I've ever read. Seriously.

Its really sad but powerful and I can really feel the emotion in this. How do you write like this? O_O

I will be following. >:^D

Posted by Lauren (Moose) on Sun, 07/08/2012 - 03:24
O_O You MUST be kidding!

O_O You MUST be kidding! Prologues are supposed to be short and sweet, this one's...long and depressing. >_<

:D Easy. Just be able to laugh while writing funny scenes, scowl when writing angry scenes, and don't be afraid to sob during the sad scenes. (At least, that's what unintentionally happens to me when I attempt to write with emotion. XD)

Thank you soooooo much!!! I hope I don't disappoint you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by Ashley Briarwolf on Wed, 10/31/2012 - 20:25
I'll always remember the

I'll always remember the original prologue to WOT. I mightn't have been teh best follower after that, but I always remembered the prologuye as one of the best pieces of writing I found on KidPub in my two and a half years.

This version topped it.

It was better in every way possible. The sense of foreboding is heavy throughout. Description is scarce, but it doesn't need to be there- it sounds fine as it is. The tension that builds till in the end is enormous. The alst line is just chilling. Epic prologue, Ash. :D Keep reminding me to raed on, cause you know how unreliable I am.

She's raising hell... http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/pandora-legacy-prologue-78212...

Posted by DarkAlias (Jack D) on Fri, 09/07/2012 - 18:28
Wow. That was amazing esp.

Wow. That was amazing esp. The ending. Great job!!!

Nothing is impossible with God. The word it self says I'm Possible.

Wanna book review for your book? Here's the place! http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?p=336802#post336802

Posted by Confuzzled on Sun, 09/09/2012 - 16:22
I will be following. D: Poor

I will be following. D: Poor Amber. The world just doesn't like her, does it?

Amy: Uh, Doctor, the sign says "keep out".

Doctor: Yes, I see. I tend to take those a suggestions, like "dry clean only".

Epic pic that Calla drew for The Tiger's Call: http://thearchersbow.deviantart.com/art/Moryhe-for-APO-324168840

Posted by The (APO) =^_^= on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:24
How did I JUST NOW notice

How did I JUST NOW notice your comment?! ._.

:D You will? Thank you so much! I really hope you find it worth following. (Though it really isn't...x_x Hope you like it anyway.)

I love your sig! XD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by Ashley Briarwolf on Wed, 10/31/2012 - 20:18
Hee hee XD   Defying

Hee hee XD

 

Defying orders, befriending humans... Will Cassiel keep his wings?: http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/archangel-capricorn-prolgue-d...

Posted by FyreWriter {APO} on Wed, 10/31/2012 - 22:03
O_O Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

O_O Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That was... AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your character building is amazing! Just fantastic! And she's shaped so well... Wow. This is awesome. You SO have to get this published. This is... wow. I'm speechless. All I can show you to represent your awesomeness is... 

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O I wish I had more eyes. O_O

 

~ Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.~ John Wooden

Posted by ~~Avneet~~ *S.W.* on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 15:34
It's such a relief to know

It's such a relief to know that people can actually see SOME character building and progression with Amber. <:^D In the first draft, there was no character shaping/progressing/building. At all. o_o It was pathetic. I'm STILL not very good at it. XD Thanks, though!!! It means a lot!!!! :'D

O___O Woah. I've been called Four-Eyes before, but Eleven-Eyes? XD

I will be publishing. ^_^ And when I do, it'll be a lot more polished than this, trust me...I'm just barely starting to edit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by Ashley Briarwolf on Wed, 10/31/2012 - 20:22
Man, for you, there should

Man, for you, there should be a MILLION eyes!! XD Also, what do you mean, 'not good at character building'? I'd say you're better than some published, adult authors. ;)

~ http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/silverwings-prologue-19331299... ~ Where will it take you?

Posted by @VN33T :) on Thu, 11/01/2012 - 15:10
Wow that was amazing

Wow that was amazing :D

 

"Our God is Greater, Our God is Stronger, God You are Higher than any other..." <3

Posted by K3NDRA on Sat, 11/17/2012 - 02:38
Thanks a lot, Kendra!!! :3 I

Thanks a lot, Kendra!!! :3 I hope you like the rest of my story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by TheAshWolf on Sat, 11/17/2012 - 02:45
OMG!!!! I just joined

OMG!!!! I just joined kidpub, but I have been reading this story for a while and it is insanely amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really like the new description you added.

"'Want some daiquiri?' she [Angel] offered, pointing to the blender. 'Is it traitor flavored?' I asked." -Angel and Max, Fang, Maximum Ride Series, By James Patterson

Posted by Kat Autumn (Maddie) on Fri, 11/23/2012 - 22:41
Hi, Kat! :D I see you got

Hi, Kat! :D I see you got your location changed. :3

Wow, you have?! O.O I just love meeting people who read my story when they were still guests!!! :D

I'm SO glad you enjoyed WOT. ;w; Really, it means a lot to me. And it's great to know that I'm improving on my description, too! Thank you!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by TheAshWolf on Fri, 11/23/2012 - 22:52
This is awesome! I couldn't

This is awesome! I couldn't scroll down the screen fast enough, this is absolutly wonderful! A great read :)

Posted by Imala5697 on Wed, 12/12/2012 - 19:17
Thank you so much!!! I hope

Thank you so much!!! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! ^_^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you...

Posted by TheAshWolf on Wed, 12/12/2012 - 20:33
O_O My God. Whoa. That was

O_O My God. Whoa. That was amazing!! I simply loved the Prologue! It's just as intruiging as the last time I read it!! I saw you're website and looked at the books and think that you have amazing ideas. ^o^ Only, for the last book, I think you should make it a sequel. It just seems like... the odd one out. Amber's an adult and everything and her adventure is with her son... I wonder who she marries...? Guess, I'll have to wait and see, huh? Unless you said who and I missed them name... My eyes, tend to skip words. :P But anyways, awesome story! And her father's saying, absolutely true. This is amazing! You DEFINITELY have tp ubblish I I DEFINITELY need to get a copy. ;P Keep it up, Ash, I think you're one of the best authors on KidPub!!!

~ Lies run sprints, but the truth runs marathons. ~ Michael Jackson

Posted by Quirky (Avneet ^_^) on Wed, 12/12/2012 - 21:09
(Sorry for not responding to

(Sorry for not responding to this right away... x_x)

My gosh, thank you!! O_O *doesn't know what to say* Book Four is kind of the odd one out, I know what you mean. <:^D And nope, I haven't mentioned yet who she marries. ;) Again, thank you so much!!!! You don't know how much that comment means to me. :')

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you…

Posted by TheAshWolf on Fri, 01/25/2013 - 20:44
Are you kidding??? Your

Are you kidding??? Your stories are amazing!!! I bet one day, you'll be just as famous as J.K Rowling. You're books are so porfessionally written but so intruiging... Whoa. XD I would totally appreciate it if you read the prologue to one of the newer stories I'm writing. It would mean the world to me. XD I haven't yet posted it on KP though...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unfold your wings . . .

Posted by SilverStar *Avneet* on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:20
Best. Story. Ever. NEED TO

Best. Story. Ever. NEED TO READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

Posted by Cassandra on Fri, 01/25/2013 - 20:34
Thank you so much! I hope

Thank you so much! I hope the other chapters don't disappoint you. <:^D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you…

Posted by TheAshWolf on Fri, 01/25/2013 - 20:38
  HALF OF THIS PAGE IS

 

HALF OF THIS PAGE IS COMMENTS!

How do you do this!?!?!

you are magical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

 

 

 

 

Please check out my newest drama/mystery/teen/romance story, Mysterious Play!!! http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/kinda-short-preface-my-new-bo...

Posted by DazzleMe<3 (inf... on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 13:33
EPYK EPYK EPYK EPYK!!! i

EPYK EPYK EPYK EPYK!!! i visited ur website fot TWOT and its AWESOME!!!! i am hoping to get my own website soon also for my book I am working on Called The Huntsman

Posted by Garrett on Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:26
I'm not gonna shower you

I'm not gonna shower you with praise. 'Cause you've enough fans doing that. 

I noticed you seem to mix long and short sentences. That should be fine, but for some reason, it stands out to me. I don't know why it does... it just... does... o.o

"I flocked to his side. “Dad?” I breathed, choking back tears.

His eyes flickered halfway open, revealing the hazy blue eyes I knew so well. “A-am…ber? Is…that you?” he whispered hoarsely.

“Yeah, dad. It’s me,” I said, flocking to his side." -- Repetitious. Flocked + Flocking. And technically, she already flocked to his side, so there's no reason for her to flock to his side again.

People always say "SHOW, DON'T TELL!" I would say that to you, but every writer has a different style. And good writers can find a balance between showing and telling (I'm not saying you're not good, you're amazing! Just, too much telling, too much showing, can just get to be too much... if that makes sense)

I love the last line, though! Awesome!

I read through the original WoT and figured I'd look at the editted version. Either your writing style changed, or you always wrote like this and I just never noticed... o.o

Who knows.

Great job, though. I know you'll go far as a writer.

--

"No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true." ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne (The Scarlet Letter)

Posted by Mystic Runes on Sat, 02/02/2013 - 11:42
HONEST CC! O_O *tackle-hugs

HONEST CC! O_O *tackle-hugs honest CC* Thank you SO MUCH!! I needed that so much. :'D

Really? o_0 I always seem to steer towards super long sentences, but still want to use a mix of short ones and long ones...good to know I'm succeeding at that. XD

I didn't mean to put that twice. >_< I will change that! Thanks for pointing that out. :)

Heh, I've always had trouble with showing and not telling...I need to work on that. I think I've gotten better at it since the first draft of WOT, but, as you can see, I still have a long way to go. XD Thank you for pointing all that out! It REALLY helps!!!!! :'D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you…

Posted by TheAshWolf on Sat, 02/02/2013 - 23:17
You replied right when I was

You replied right when I was about to edit that post. o.o

 

Heh, glad you're not mad. I get mixed results with CC... and not all of them good... :\

Anyways, I showed your story to my friend ('cause you're just amazing like that), and she noticed a typo:

"Broken finishing poles."

(My friend loves this, by the way. I had to drag her away from the computer just to get her to talk with me. xD)

--

"No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true." ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne (The Scarlet Letter)

Posted by Runes on Sat, 02/02/2013 - 23:39
Mad? Why would I be mad? O_O

Mad? Why would I be mad? O_O I need CC. That's the whole point of me editing and rewriting this story. ^_^

FINISHING POLES? XD Wow, that's a lovely typo. Your friend has a good eye. Thank you for pointing that out, Rune's friend! :D

Well, I hope the rest of the story doesn't disappoint her! <:^D Thank you so much, you two!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet Ectroi is waiting for you…

Posted by TheAshWolf on Sun, 02/03/2013 - 01:22
Awesomeness!!!!!!!! This is

Awesomeness!!!!!!!! This is a great start that pulls you in and is very descriptive! It makes readers want to read more!

Posted by Dahlia on Tue, 03/26/2013 - 14:34
Thank you sooooo much!!!!

Thank you sooooo much!!!! :D

Hey, I just noticed you're new to KidPub. 0.0 Welcome to the site, Dahlia! ^_^

~~~

"The whisper was right...they forgot about her." —Heroes of Our Generation, by Kendra

Posted by TheAshWolf on Wed, 03/27/2013 - 02:28

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