Posted December 7th, 2012 by rebecca
A Book Review by Rebec
in Rivendell, the only place in Middle Earth that gets Wi-Fi
The disjointed feel of the prologue is what made me rate it this lowly. It seems irrelevant at times, the 'four years later' sections are confusing - are both for years after the beginning, or is one four years after the other. The prologue could simply be the first section, then the first 'later' section could be the beginning of the first chapter. This would be a far more effective approach.
It seems to be about three people, maybe four if Amy counts. Alex and Adrian lost their father, Fletcher his mother. It's not entirely clear on the world, but it seems to be a dystopian fictional city, correct me if I am wrong. The first sections are extremely good. It introduces the characters. The later sequences are quite simply dull, too short for anything to happen, not detailed enough to be overly likeable. Fletcher's purpose as a character is difficult to spot.
The writing style, however, is very good, except for the use of brackets. When writing prose, one usually ropes subordinate clauses into the sentences. The use of brackets lowers the quality of the work. There are also some minor grammar errors that I do not much care to point out here, this is a review not a detailed analysis.
I would very much like to see this as a completed, edited entity. Until then, it is difficult to judge what is relevant. I must simply pick out what fragments I liked to give here.
'Adrian's graveyard' could one day be a fantastic piece of fiction.
To the author:
Use subordinate clauses instead as brackets, either have the later sections as chapters, or, detail them better, and edit the grammar.
See more stories by Rebec