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A Gifted Game

A Gifted Game

Posted January 4th, 2013 by rebecca

A Book Review by Rebec
in Rivendell, the only place in Middle Earth that gets Wi-Fi

Author: 
T.Longmire
Rating: 
3

Perhaps the author would like to clarify what the term descendants means. How long ago were these ancestors alive? The main characters, then, cannot all be cousins unless their parents are siblings, because the word cousin does tend to refer to something a little bit closer than hundreds of years ago. How has the English/American language not developed considerably, and how, in thousands of years, is the most infuriating, terrible, pathetic song, remembered? The mysteries of the future are indeed...mysterious.

Adelaide is first of all, a bit mentally unstable, which you have got to love in that it is carried out very well. She is the best character in the whole thing, in terms of what the author does with her, and how she is characterised. Whilst the others could do with a little work, our little protagonist has dangerous, brilliant powers that she could theoretically use to drive people insane and has significant nightmares every night.

She can fully well take care of herself, but is still almost killed by a girl named Sadie Sacramento, who kills everyone basically, but is a good guy. At first Sadie was one of my favourite characters...but later...we'll get to that. There's a lot of other people, who are introduced very quickly and not in depth at all. Messy. One of the girls supposedly killed Adelaide's parents. Then it gets it bit odd. It's too far in the future, I would in this case just create a new world, and there is magic around. The descendants, who all call eachother cousins when technically they aren't, mostly have powers, and this part was not really cliched, but some of the demonstrations of it were. Also, these kids have never been taught fighting properly, and yet are the greatest. Explain, or describe better. A person called Allie kills a little girl, whose date of birth is written incorrectly. Another person dies a bit later. Allie is only a subordinate of a Witch, whose aim is unclear, but she is very interesting and could do with description. Adelaide and a few members of this posse go off to defeat this Witch, but end up getting caught and having to escape. It works well. But then we see the other guys - Melody, Kent, Sadie, and it does not work. The characterisation is just bad. We need to find out more about these people, and Sadie's breakdown is scarcely explained...

I gave this three stars because it consists of numerous minor errors and a continous lack of detail and pacing. I'm not saying it isn't good. It is a fantastic piece, intriguing, but it needs more. It deserves more.

 

For the author:

Characterise Sadie better, change from a future world to a world of your creation that could be in the future but has a different dating system or something, change song from Call Me Maybe because that is just an insanely bad song and no one's dad would ever sing that. Ever. Unless they had been castrated, but this is a different matter and not at all appropriate. Back to the points - better detail, pace yourself, merge some chapters, perhaps write a new prologue giving background information, make sure Morgan's gravestone has the correct age and explain your meanings of cousin better. Oh, and please finish this. It's good. I like it. It just needs a lot of work. Explain the witch's motives for a start.

 


See more stories by Rebec
Thanks :D I knew I needed

Thanks :D I knew I needed this, and I did. I'll work on what you said.

 

A Gifted Game: http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/gifted-game-prologue-did-i-sp... Sacrifice: http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/sacrifice-co-write-lena-prolo...

Posted by Alpha (Tess) on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 16:37

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