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His Dark Protector (By Ivhamsters)

His Dark Protector (By Ivhamsters)

Posted December 10th, 2012 by rebecca

A Book Review by Rebec
in Rivendell, the only place in Middle Earth that gets Wi-Fi


My first point is the 'zipper' would not have been invented. In the olden days, things were tied up or buttoned. So please make sure the technology is correct for this world. There could quite easily be more description and better disgiused surnames. Simply invent a nice language for the names to be in, and mention their meaning as though knowing meanings is commonplace. Detail is one minor flaw of first person narration. It cannot really be destroyed. This is tragic in some ways, but beautiful in others. Who wants to sit there reading weeks of description? Read the Lord of the Rings! This is teenage fantasy.

Our protagonist Carma Guardian, aside from needing a better last name, needs to brush up on her knowledge of her monarch. The king seems brutal, but kings have to be. He could be a lot worse. She is his trained killer, after her parents were removed, he raised her to fight for him. Why did he choose a girl? It seems there are no prejudices in this world, which needs explaining. Anyway, she is clever enough, and imperfect enough to lose. Her best descriptions are of dresses, which does not entirely fit the character and leads me to believe the author has a hand in this.

Anyway, Carma is chasing down a man, who tells her the king is bad and basically sets her some homework, to check up on this. His name is Ky Gladiator, which is another example of unfavourable surnames. He spares her, but he will kill her if she informs the king. I want to see more of his personality in later chapters, it seems complex. Then we get our background information, the king keeps  a Creature for reasons not entirely cleared up. To kill for him I imagine. He's terribly fond of this killing lark. Carma's best friend is a stable boy, who again has a terrible last name 'Strong'. She discusses whether she should kill the king or not. She decides upon it, even though the king is her father figure. Camra sees a glimpse of the Creature and discusses it with a seamstress. This is perhaps either the best or worst part, depending on your views. The king and Queen of the neighbouring country visit, with their guard, Ky, who Carma has researched in the equvelent of the telephone directory which I cannot understand how it would exist in this particular world. Some assassins come to get Carma, not to kill her, but Ky helps intervene. Also, Ky and Carma dance together at a ball, and to stop any possible romance, Ky points out Carma's promise not to tell the king. They discuss it briefly. Then nothing else really happens. My summary so far is bad. This was amazing work.

We have to wait to see our finished product before we can truly judge. I gave four stars because of errors I noticed. Otherwise it was perfect. Better than perfect, infinitely awe-inspiring.

For the author:

Make sure the technology is correct - no zippers or telephone directoryesque books, slightly more description and disguise the surnames, explain the lack of prejudice and continue writing. 

See more stories by Rebec
Thanks so much ^o^

Thanks so much ^o^ WAHHH!!!

Only thing is it wasn't a telephone directory o3o she didn't even contact him . . . . urgh i need to fix that and make it more clear XD I don't know where that was going

Thanks so much!!!


~~Calla~~ Writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted.

Posted by ~~Calla~~ on Mon, 12/10/2012 - 09:53
I know, but it seems too

I know, but it seems too much like a telephone directory - information in a book like that.


I was going to do something humorous, though-provoking and fascinating for my signature, but whyever would I do that when I can drive you all insane with something like this?

Posted by Quetzalcoatlus ... on Mon, 12/10/2012 - 13:07
True that ^^ I shall fix all

True that ^^ I shall fix all of that. Thanks again!


~~Calla~~ Writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted.

Posted by ~~Calla~~ on Mon, 12/10/2012 - 18:29

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