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Natural Forces: The Twilight Talisman (Rewritten Version)

Natural Forces: The Twilight Talisman (Rewritten Version)

Posted July 16th, 2015 by CarabellaGrace

A Book Review by clara
in my bedroom, trying to write.

Author: 
SilverMoon (or Ena)
Rating: 
4

Summary (may contain spoilers): Natural Forces: The Twilight Talisman is about a girl named Sanna who has been bouncing from foster home to foster home for a while. Every time, however, she runs away, because she finds herself being always chased by purple-red auras that can sometimes take her body out of her control and move her places, control her. If she escapes, though, it takes the auras a little while to find her--and, where our story starts, the period of time between each attack has been getting longer. But, in recent months, she starts to see more and more of the auras. Sanna quickly gets landed in a group home after being caught stealing, and after making friends with a boy named Niran, she's inhabited by an aura, who whips her away from the group home and into the forest. She decides to keep running, but she's quickly found by a boy named Isaac, who tells her that the reason she's being chased by the auras is that she's a Natural. A Natural is a person who can manipulate the elements, and there are two types of Naturals: those who join the Twilight (which is a group that is either controlled by the auras or controlling them to do their bidding, who want to destroy the other group) and those who join a Natural Haven (basically the good guys). Isaac is part of a Natural Haven, and he convinces Sanna to come with him. She does, and for the first time she starts to fit in and meet new people who are like her. The last chapter posted ends with Sanna about to unlock her elemental power . . .

Good Points:

  • The suspense in the first chapter. After this point, there is not a lot of suspense, but really the first couple of paragraphs totally drew me in. It's very creepy and original, and I totally liked that first part of flashbacks-turned-nightmare. (+1 star)
  • The creativity. People with powers having to do with the elements is rather overdone, but I think this is a fresh new take on an old-ish idea. The whole Twilight idea is very smart, and I've never heard of anything like the auras in any book ever written, so it's pretty cool to see something new and fascinating like that. (+1 star)
  • The characters. I really did like Sanna--I feel that we got to know her well enough, and I like that she isn't your typical Mary Sue. She's tough, and bitter, and I love her sarcastic way of talking. Isaac, along with everyone else we meet at the Natural Haven of Valens Carolija, is pretty interesting. The characters are compelling and they make you want to read more. (+2 stars, just cuz)
  • The writing. It flows pretty well, and it certainly draws you in. The vocabulary in this piece is really impressive. Also, I loved that there was just the right amount of being inside Sanna's head/thoughts, and being outside of what she was thinking (if that makes any sense :D). (+1 star)

Not-so-good Points:

  • I think everything happens a little too fast. It doesn't feel too rushed or anything, not in most parts, but in some sections it's like we just skip over stuff that happens. Sanna, for instance, is arrested and interrogated briefly after stealing, but this is kind of skimmed over. She goes to jail, is interrogated, and then she's out, going to a new group home, in the space of a paragraph or two. At other times, like when she's in a group home with Niran, there's not a lot of detail about what she does and what happens. There's not a lot of instances like this, but it's still something that could be improved. (-.5 star)
  • Sometimes, the author uses the same words, and it becomes kind of repetitive. For instance, the auras are described as having a purple-red color, or claret. The word "claret" is most often used to describe the auras, and sometimes this word is used two times that are kind of close to each other. Other times, for example with Sanna's eyes--they're described as aventurine, which is an awesome word and color, don't get me wrong, but I feel like it's such a conspicous word that it stands out a little. So far her eyes have only been described using that word (I'm pretty sure, there might have been other times when other adjectives were used, I have faulty memory) and so it sounds a teensy bit repetitive. This is totally not a big deal and it's an easy fix, and I have every confidence that the author can fix it. (-.5 star)

Overall Review: Guys, this could be come like a New York Times bestseller one day, with intriguing characters and setting and originality. With a few minor things that I'm sure this very capable author can fix, I'm excited to see what happens next. Don't ever stop writing this, because I have to see how it turns out!

Final Rating *drumroll please*: 4 STARS!

Advice for the Author: Maybe dive a bit deeper into some scenes that are skipped over, like Sanna's time at the Reyes Ranch group home, or when she's interrogated after stealing. Watch your word choices just a little bit--it's honestly not a huge problem, just something I noticed that could be better. Don't stop writing, and post more soon! ;)

****

If you want a review, click here.


See more stories by clara
This book sounds really

This book sounds really good! I'm gonna read it when I finish editing my own story! (I'm on chapter 3/4 so far <:))

 

The Battle For Oblivion has begun

http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/battle-oblivion-1811140914

Posted by Lazy Bones on Thu, 07/16/2015 - 15:35
It is good! I totally

It is good! I totally recommend it :)

Posted by November Sparrow on Mon, 07/27/2015 - 13:19
Thanks! I'll keep that in

Thanks! I'll keep that in mind once I finish the first draft, but for now you've given me some motivation to keep going.

-Shinsei-

Posted by Shinsei (Ena) on Thu, 07/16/2015 - 21:06
Wow, sorry, it took me

Wow, sorry, it took me forever to reply to this! But you're so welcome, I really enjoyed reading it :D

Posted by November Sparrow on Mon, 07/27/2015 - 13:19

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