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Posted March 21st, 2013 by rebecca

A Book Review by Rebec
in Rivendell, the only place in Middle Earth that gets Wi-Fi


It is a little exaggerated, for no one could survive that much torture, but whatever. It's sad, but people always look for a scapegoat. This character, Jay, is pretty much ideal for their purpose. What I want to know is what he is. What is wrong with him that they have chosen. It has to be something serious, for all that is happening to him to happen.

The protagonist, Jay, only recieves this name in the second chapter, but whatever. We shall refer to him as such for the duration of this review. His parents are, surprise surprise, dead, but this works, unlike some other stories that this is used in. It means he is unprotected, and can be taken captive. All we are told is that he had a speech impediment and a limp, yet there must be more to it. No one would be considered inhuman for that, so what is wrong with him? Explain in the next chapter, please. 

Since his parents died, he has been dragged around, beaten, had stones thrown at him, called names. And no one has been able to help him, when suddenly a girl, who turns out to be his tormentor's daughter, speaks to him. He is punished, but she comes back when he is alone, gives him his name, and helps him to escape. The section that can currently be read ends with Jay learning she is Kano's (aforementioned tormentor) daughter. This convinces him he is doomed. 

I really wanted to give this five stars, but it is such a short section I haven't quite got into it properly, and it is amazingly incomplete. It was good, yes, but not yet amazing. I enjoyed it a lot, almost loved it, but it quite simple isn't enough. I want more.


For the author:

Write the memory scenes better, they feel unrealistic and forced, almost, tell us in detail why Jay is the scapegoat, and simply continue writing. I need more. I say this so often. This is different. It's probably the best piece I have reviewed, and I marked it down for a stupid reason. 

See more stories by Rebec
I agree with the torture

I agree with the torture being a bit exaggerated, but I didn't really notice all the other things when I was reading it. I thought it was remarkably well-written and the character was certainly well-developed for two chapters. Thank you for your perspective. I hope the author writes more soon as well.


Another happy day at Camp Half-Blood! And then. . . "Go alert! It's the wine dude!" dun dun dun. . .

Posted by Isabel on Thu, 03/21/2013 - 08:24
Thank you so much, Rebecca -

Thank you so much, Rebecca - I really appreciated the review. :D Yes, there is more reason to why he is the scapegoat, I just haven't revealed it. I'll keep your tips in mind when I revise. ^_^

Posted by Camikat on Thu, 03/21/2013 - 15:05

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