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Review: 'PLEASE READ'

Review: 'PLEASE READ'

Posted July 3rd, 2013 by rebecca

A Book Review by Rebec
in Rivendell, the only place in Middle Earth that gets Wi-Fi

Author: 
Megan (she's in Utah by the way. Her profile picture is a selfie)
Rating: 
3

Now, I am, as you know, a huge fan of cutting stars for minor reasons, as minor reasons draw your eye to major, much larger reasons. This, being only a prologue un-connected to the the rest of the story, as it was posted badly, in the wrong form, with a title that could have been structured Example (PLEASE READ), so would look less attention-seeker-ish. Not to say there are not good elements in it. It's just that it has problems.

These problems manifest in the minor things that consumed one point, and the two other issues I have spotted. One of these is the habit the writer seems to be in is starting sentences in the same way. One of these would be the use of the word 'but' at the start (you see what I did there?). Now I, unlike the average English teacher, am not opposed to starting sentences with connectives. But a sentence can only start in the same way once, unless there are no other options, and there WERE! My one other issue is paragraphing. I understand there may not have been time to edit, but time should be spent on preparing a piece to be ready for KidPub. It must be ready. MUST. Or your professionalism and talent as a writer will come under attack. Resolve the paragraphing issue.

There are decent elements too - there is a nice story, aimed at children yes, but with intelligence. It could go either way, but it is a good start. It is detailed enough for this form. It's also clearly fantasy. I have a soft-spot for well-written fantasy that does not have too many cliches (sorry, can't get the accent on the e). So far this has none, which is a good sign, even though this is a short piece. Keep going. 

I gave this three stars because it is a short piece, had an attention-seeking title, was not posted in the correct format, has no paragraphs and the sentence starting issues. But the story holds up so far. It could be good.

 

For the author:

LEARN TO PARAGRAPH! FIND MORE IMAGINATIVE WAYS TO START SENTENCES! GIVE A PROPER TITLE, DON'T JUST LOOK FOR ATTENTION! Post things under book page or chapter if you wish for them to be linked to the other chapters so people can read them with ease. Be careful, so the story stays good, intelligent enough, but with a hint of the childishness that made this one so appealing. 


See more stories by Rebec
I guess I don't know what to

I guess I don't know what to say, because I was not expecting this much in a small little prologue that I mainly posted to see if I was on the right track, and if it sparked any interest. I am really wanting to take classes on writing, because I have never taken any, and have never even been explained to about paragraphing, so I am sorry about that. I just don't feel very good about this review. I know all my mistakes, and how you pointed out about the sentence beginnings made me see how i can change it, but I really don't think this long review is nessecary. that is all.

 But you also tell the whole world where I live, and who I am on kidpub, and I find this pretty embarassing. I please ask you to not pick out people like that.

 

 

Posted by Megan on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 11:47
I distinctly said I liked

I distinctly said I liked it. I have to pull you up on paragraphing and other things. I just randomly did the intro like that, you told the whole world where you live, and I won't do it again - or actually, I will, just to see if anyone else is offended. It's subjective, and I don't do subjectivism, being as I am. I write long reviews. I felt this was too good for a short review, and was trying a new structure for my shorter reviews. Normally I work intro-protagonist-story-why I Rated It Like That- for the author, but this time I did intro-negatives-positives-why I rated it - For the author. Trust me, it was good. It could easily reach a four, and if the story is good, perhaps a five.

 

I like this new structure, actually. Longer reviews are better. It works better than the intro, bullet points and for the author one I briefly used. It was child-like. 

 

Translation services are offered - please ask if you require aid in deciphering anything I say

 

I most certainly do not have a superiority complex, I'm too good for things like that.

Posted by Acinonyx jubatu... on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 12:30
  I might be a little new

  I might be a little new to all of this, but I just don't want it to happen again.

 I am not trying to sound mean, I just prefer not to have reviews on my books or entries that I don't really want to have reviewed. at least you could ask to do a review on someone elses work. I don't think writing should be pointed out as not good enough, or bad imagination, or even names for things that you think aren't realistic or sound kiddish, writing is for the fun, and the adventure. That is all.

 

 

Posted by Megan on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 16:42
She's not pointing out your

She's not pointing out your flaws for the sake of ruining the adventure, but just so you can improve it.  It's hard to find adventure in something that's bad quality.

Posted by Copil al Intune... on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 17:31
I am sorry. I just was in a

I am sorry. I just was in a bad mood earlier. I am sorry that I made it such a huge deal. I understand that you just did it to make it better, and I admit that it needs A LOT of help. So thanks for pointing out everything that needs or could be fixed. Keep on doing these reviews, but I just would like to be asked before a review is written on one of my kidpub entries. Thats all :)

 

Live Long And Eat Cookies

Posted by Steezy (Megan) on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 21:13
Okay, I will make a special

Okay, I will make a special exception.

 

Translation services are offered - please ask if you require aid in deciphering anything I say

 

I most certainly do not have a superiority complex, I'm too good for things like that.

Posted by Acinonyx jubatu... on Thu, 07/04/2013 - 01:06
Good review, Rebecca.  :) 

Good review, Rebecca.  :)  All very true. 

Posted by Copil al Intune... on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 16:03

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