Review: 'PLEASE READ'
Posted July 3rd, 2013 by rebecca
A Book Review by Rebec
in Rivendell, the only place in Middle Earth that gets Wi-Fi
Now, I am, as you know, a huge fan of cutting stars for minor reasons, as minor reasons draw your eye to major, much larger reasons. This, being only a prologue un-connected to the the rest of the story, as it was posted badly, in the wrong form, with a title that could have been structured Example (PLEASE READ), so would look less attention-seeker-ish. Not to say there are not good elements in it. It's just that it has problems.
These problems manifest in the minor things that consumed one point, and the two other issues I have spotted. One of these is the habit the writer seems to be in is starting sentences in the same way. One of these would be the use of the word 'but' at the start (you see what I did there?). Now I, unlike the average English teacher, am not opposed to starting sentences with connectives. But a sentence can only start in the same way once, unless there are no other options, and there WERE! My one other issue is paragraphing. I understand there may not have been time to edit, but time should be spent on preparing a piece to be ready for KidPub. It must be ready. MUST. Or your professionalism and talent as a writer will come under attack. Resolve the paragraphing issue.
There are decent elements too - there is a nice story, aimed at children yes, but with intelligence. It could go either way, but it is a good start. It is detailed enough for this form. It's also clearly fantasy. I have a soft-spot for well-written fantasy that does not have too many cliches (sorry, can't get the accent on the e). So far this has none, which is a good sign, even though this is a short piece. Keep going.
I gave this three stars because it is a short piece, had an attention-seeking title, was not posted in the correct format, has no paragraphs and the sentence starting issues. But the story holds up so far. It could be good.
For the author:
LEARN TO PARAGRAPH! FIND MORE IMAGINATIVE WAYS TO START SENTENCES! GIVE A PROPER TITLE, DON'T JUST LOOK FOR ATTENTION! Post things under book page or chapter if you wish for them to be linked to the other chapters so people can read them with ease. Be careful, so the story stays good, intelligent enough, but with a hint of the childishness that made this one so appealing.
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