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Untitled (2nd review of this)

Untitled (2nd review of this)

Posted November 25th, 2013 by rebecca

A Book Review by Rebec
in Rivendell, the only place in Middle Earth that gets Wi-Fi

Author: 
Stephiey/Stephanie
Rating: 
3

Hidden worlds. Magic. Everything we've seen before? Not quite. Not...quite. Sometimes the 'keep your magic secret' is ridiculous - they can't even use it in public in the face of death - and well, sometimes the action goes by too quickly, but, well, let's get going. 

Allie, our protagonist, is a genuinely nice person, supposedly sixteen but honestly, she sounds more like thirteen. I know when I was thirteen I sounded...well, almost exactly as I do now, at fifteen, but come on, this character is not sixteen. Not yet. She somewhat neglects her best friend for much of the book, which is...meh...and well. I'm not at my best reviewing here (TV on in the background, very sorry)

Our story starts with mystery. There is an explosion, an enigmatic boy, and then he disappears. Allie then meets Nathan, the new kid, who she develops a non-cliche relationship with. I wondered, you know, how Allie didn't recognise him, but it's explained. With magic memory erasing. Yes, of course. Things get weird pretty quickly - an evil moth man called Leon is trying to kill them, reviving a revolution from long ago, an almost justified revolution, you know. In fact, he possesses a kid in their school (a kid who is a pain in the arse so no sympathy from me) and tries to kill them at a sleepover. It turns out Nathan's parents had powers, and so does he, they were maladicti (omenful name), and they were murdered.  Because of his relationship with Allie, his powers are removed, which will kill him in a week or so. But whatever. They use the classic 'we're honestly doing a project' excuse to go to this mountain to find a treasure, a powerful treasure. When they get their, they are attacked by 'shadows' or something. But, I do believe they get it. Well done them. Then Nathan starts dying, so Allie breaks into the guy who removed the powers house and steals them back. Of course, they nearly die again, and that's when Allie discovers she has powers. She isn't fully mortal. Nathan and Allie go to a party, a friend's party, but Alex, Nathan's oldest friend, turns out to be Damius, the dead bad guy's daughter, who is behind the reviving of the Uprising. Oh, and Allie's her half-sister. Allie's dad...yup. Not nince for them. The supposed bad-good guy who removed the powers sacrifices his life to save them. And in the end...well...they defeat Alex, take the Orb (the powerful treasure), and Nathan leaves, prompting angst, heartbreak, and a possible sequel. 

That sounds a bit garbled, I grant you. I'm busy, okay! So, three stars? The writing honestly improves towards the end, but at the beginning, there is not enough description, and sometimes the vocabulary is limited. Detail is the key here. Oh, and yeah, some of the stuff is...well. Allie has supposedly lived in Bridgewater all her life, right? Why doesn't she know about the crown shaped mountain, it's quite recognisable, really. And generally, adoptive parents aren't named in newspapers. However, the latter is a key plot point, and can be easily explained away by not thinking too much.

 

For the author:

Don't neglect Kaitlyn or school in the plot, describe in detail, and think logically about everything. I can excuse the adoption thingy because there is always a possibility...oh, and remind me, why exactly did they go to a zoo? Fun? When people are trying to kill them?! I suppose that makes sense. Edit, please. You've got talent. When you grow up, you will do good things. Until then, this childish, illogical story is your legacy, and you owe it to yourself to make it as readable as possible.


See more stories by Rebec
GAAAH THANK YOU SO MUCH <3

GAAAH THANK YOU SO MUCH <3 Yeah, I'm editing it right now and it's reaaaaally bad but hopefully it'll get better. :D Thanks so much for doing a 2nd review; it really helped a lot! :))) THANKS AGAIN :D

Posted by Stephanie on Mon, 11/25/2013 - 21:01

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