The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

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- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Quote:

Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 341661)

You know, I was cleaning up my room, cause my mom asked me too, and suddenly I look up at the ceiling and I think what a few kids must've thought during their toddler years: Huh, I wonder why the ceiling isn't slanted like the roof? And when I remembered that I knew why, I started crying, and laughing hysterically. I stopped crying altogether and was just laughing hysterically, gasping for breath and I realized what was to me. Death. I found death terribly awfully, disgustingly hilarious. I wonder how many people died while shingling a house? I wonder how many deaths there are because of an age old tradition. I wonder what death feels like. It's so funny. And you know what? Now I don't care anymore. I don't want to be in eighth grade, I don't want to have to deal with ANYTHING I don't want to have to be nice and polite, I don't want compliments, I don't CARE about ANYTHING anymore, except for this tugging in my stomach whispering Sophia, you do care you care a lot. But I don't and the pain I inflict on myself, the bruises that are getting increasingly closer to creeping past my sleeve line, the pride that mind carries, it's all mushed and squished like some dead ant. And my brain is sort of trying to murder me, jeering, What's next? Oh, is the little baby Sophia going to hurt herself? Ohhh too bad. And I really have these moments when someone looks at me and I don't want to be seen as anything.

Oh, god. I know, Soph. I know. Death is hilarious... remember The Tale of Desperaux? /sigh When I was in fifth grade, and we were supposed to write personal memories or whatever shit in our journals every single day, one day I ran out of things to write. And I thought about this thing that I did sometimes, where I would just stop thinking and let my tongue lie still in my mouth and after I would think this is what death feels like, I'm nonexistent, I'm not here, my mind is blank I'm not thinking and I don't care and I wrote about that because, why the eff not? Then my dad found it and read it and he said that I shouldn't've written it, that S____ was going to think I needed help or whatever when he was telling me, but maybe he was really just telling himself, that I was a perfectly normal little girl but I knew that wasn't true. And I cried a lot and I told him no, I wouldn't erase it, but he made me and I erased it and I wrote about colors instead, what colorless means because isn't gray a color but people think colorless worlds are gray, and it was stupid and I got a bad grade because it wasn't personal. So. The thing is, after that I never ever ever wrote like that again but I still think about not thinking and how that's more close to dying than anything ever and couldn't my dad just understand that, in my own twisted way, I was trying to be closer to death only so I wouldn't be scared when my own time came? And sometimes I'll catch myself just not thinking and I'll get scared because I know nothing matters but I still want something to matter and f--- eighth grade, anyways, it's nothing at all. I bruise myself, too, on my thighs and then my mom wonders why I want swim shorts when I have a perfectly good bathing suit and of course I can't tell her. The bruising's stopped for now but I still want to feel it, you know? Because I feel like I live through my emotions, I'm an emotional person, you know that, and I want to feel pain deep and hurting and it's weird because people don't like pain but I just want to feel it, feel something, and it's horrible. So what I'm trying to say is, I've been there, or at least somewhere close. If you ever need more venting, I'm hereherehere and there's email and everything and don't worry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 341693)

This, I believe, is what went through the mind of the person who created the concept of the afterlife.
I know how that feels... so I'm living my life like nothing matters anyways, so who the heck cares? 8D And when THAT gets to me, I just imagine myself high-fiving Jesus or Satan or whoever or ascending to the sixth dimension or meeting all the people I was in my past lives or whatever the heck happens. 8D It actually really gets my spirits up. But on a more physical level, I'm living for the day I meet the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. It's gonna be so freaking awesome.

... I know this sounds totally insane, but the sad thing is, it's normal.
This is actually good, though, because you can get reassurance that you're never alone.
For most of my life I wanted to end my life, but I believed I was too worthless for even death, so... ._.
My parents have dangled lots of psychologist bluffs in front of my eyes, too. Don't let them convince you that getting help is a bad thing--this may even be something that you just need to wait out. Don't get too worked up about anything bad, don't think about how much you hate yourself... just relax by a fire and tell yourself nice things, even if it's painful, and just calm down. Do you have any favorite bands you like to listen to when you feel really, really low? I can name a song that's saved my life--and it isn't even in a language I can understand. ._.

Exactly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 341723)

Ah, I see.
But nearly, if not everything, has an end. You don't want to end it that quick, do you? It matters. Through the entire process to the end. Life is the process.
/ohmygodamIdepressingyou?Sorry!

No, you're not. I'm not depressed, I guess. I'm just me.

You have no idea what you can do to me. Why do you call me these things?
Bitch. Smart-Ass. Loser. No friends.

What the hell did I ever do to you?

I'm really sick of it.
I don't want to go to school.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildwolf (Post 341844)

Nothing happens for a reason. This moron simply enjoys trashing people, and you seem to be their toy right now. Stand up for yourself, because ignoring them won't work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildwolf (Post 341844)

I definitely, DEFINITELY know that feel bro, ESPECIALLY right now.

._.

. . . I feel alone. =_= Past couple days, I can barely do any schoolwork. Nothing they're teaching me seems worth it. All I want is for things to go back to how they were before June. June...gosh, I hate that month now. And November is coming up. 90% of the bad things that have happened to me all happened in November. WHY did I pick that month to try to get published? x_x

*curls up in a corner*

Lately, I've been overwhelmed with school work. The main problem is my adv. English 9 class. I believe my teacher gave me an unfair grade on my essay (which I spent two hours writing and revising), so I spoke to him about it. He didn't do anything about anything, just kept bringing up that he was "the one with the master's degree". O_o
I don't care; unless he slaps a PhD on the table, I'm not going to respect him anymore than I already do (which is little to nothing).

Quote:

Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 341716)

Don't say that, tomorrow's my last day. So we'll see, right? :P

Ever think I just so happened to write it because I was trying to keep you from leaving?

SO MUCH GERMANY, CANNOT EVEN... *lower case*

... I can't freaking believe this band. They have a solution for every single one of my problems; I get emo, blast my head with their music, and I feel like someone understands--not even Breaking Benjamin or Evanescence (I can't understand their lyrics ._.) or even Three Days Grace has made me feel like this. Those bands--although I am fans of them as well--just seem to complain, tell me to give in, or to stand up against my problems... this one simply listens in acknowledgement, understanding completely, and that's all I ever need. I don't want unhealthy reinforcement... I just need to know that I'm not a girl with the temper of a 230-pound teenage boy, that how I feel and my problems aren't so psychotic or wild--that someone else out there knows exactly what the hell I'm going on about--and it lets me just... let them go.
I wish I had discovered this band earlier. I wish I had walked in on my dad playing the music video for their most popular song and singing along, off-tune and inaccurately translating it, way before I did. I've only been listening to their songs for about a month and a half and already, I'm pretty sure that they've saved my life. When I'm unbelievably pissed off at someone, playing just one song, ONCE, can get me feeling better about myself and calm me down; when I'm pissed off at the world, I play one song and feel like I'm not crazy anymore; if I just want to laugh, I play a song that cracks me up and... yeah.
So no... I won't turn it down.
No, I won't stop filling my iPod with their music.
I don't care if kids on the bus can hear my music through my headphones--they should, because I'm got a bunch of metal/hard rock pride and I don't even care.
I don't care if my music is "scary" or "weird"... it is, and it should be, and I love it like that.

Du hast, Kuss mich, Mutter, Morgenstern, Ich tu dir weh, Adios, Zerstoren, Kokain, Hallelujah, Sonne, Klavier, Du reich so gut, Rammlied, Waidmanns heil, Mehr, Feuer frei, Zwitter, Rosenrot, Wo bist du, Mein herz brennt, Keine lust...

Some kids listen to Taylor Swift... some kids listen to One Direction...
But I listen to Rammstein and the other kids aren't going to make me embarrassed about it anymore.

I often wonder if I'm selfish for being depressed. I mean, there's lots of people out there who have way worse problems than me. But I still can't help being sick of it. Being sick of everyone. Don't you know that it hurts? The words you say to me? That they make me insecure? You wonder why I'm so weird. Yeah, I'm quiet and I wear quite a lot of black. But I'm trying to hide. Trying to hide from you. Trying to disappear. I wonder if I can get so small I can disappear. You wouldn't be able to say those things to me then, would you? Haha, well lets try it. Because I'm sick of it. And if I die, it's your fault.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 341864)

... What the heck are they teaching you? o_O Everything I'm being taught... god, I love school now... I know it's worth it, because these are the marks that post-secondary schools are going to see. And that's going to decide the rest of my life.
My birthday is in June. XD
I had some weird stuff happen to me in November, too. o_O
I'm not sure I completely understand how you're feeling... All I'm picking up are school woes. O.o If you ever want to vent, I'm here, though.
STAY ONLINE! (*flails*) I have to go and bring the laundry in.