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Confuzzled but in a decent mood
So I'm trying to sew a fez, and though I haven't even really thought about sewing since, like, last year as far as I recall, I remembered basically the way my mom showed me to sew like a year or more ago. And I can also remember how to write a lot of Chinese characters along with vague meanings, and I learned how to write this in about half an hour. I haven't tried writing it in maybe half a month, and I didn't look at the Wikipedia picture, yet just now I wrote it out by hand without that much trouble.
But at the same time I can hardly remember most of my life, or last year, last week, even yesterday. Even earlier today. It's all blurry and vague and barely there. WTF .__. But still I'm in a pretty good mood at the moment and the fez doesn't seem like a total failure. :D |
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I'm just hoping....
Right now, I'm just hoping I don't flip out at the most randomest of times. It's really scary, and sometimes I can't control it. I don't know why, but there's this one person who I don't feel right about. At all. ._.'
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Aw, don't worry. Everything will sort itself out. *pats on back*
*hears music in head 'Better in Time'* SHUT UP!!! |
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*le also sometimes thinks, "I am the circle and the circle is me" partially out of obsession* :D |
Chelsea: email it to me. Please?
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*is curious, too*
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I feel stupid. I feel like no one likes me. I tried to kill myself a few days ago, and I had to go to the hospital because of it. Sometimes I wonder why God can't just kill me here and now...
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People do like you. There are people who care about you and love you, no matter what. Since you mentioned God, I'm assuming you're religious… I'd suggest praying and reading whatever your religious text is everyday and reminding yourself that even if no one else is there, God is. Remember that you can't become a better person if you don't live. :/ Every moment, you're a new person and you can make that person better. And… if you tried killing yourself, I think you should talk to a professional. |
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I am usually made to feel stupid or unwanted by the majority of the population, but it's that small minority that restores my faith in myself and in the human race. Remember: ignore those people that get you down. They're worthless compared to you, if they spend all their time trying to make themselves more important than the rest. Focus on people you love and trust, and I promise, everything will get better. *goes and tortures everyone who doesn't like you* Don't worry! And if you feel like trying to kill yourself again, try and think about every single nice thing that has ever happened to you, and all the people who ate your friends and family. If you still feel down, maybe go and see a psychiatrist or something. I see one (different reason though) and although mine is irritating, she can be quite helpful. And they have a knack for helping you let out everything bad. Hope I helped - because even though I don't know you, I'm sure that you are a very sweet and kind person. :) Also, are you under pressure at the moment? Because maybe sorting out what is pressuring you may help you be happier... |
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ME GERARDSTA. |
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You tried to kill yourself? O_0 I've thought about suicide before, and nearly did try it when I was in 3rd grade...but then I got help. I focused on the fact that my few friends and most of my family really did love me. I talked to a professional. I read the Bible more. And I got better. You believe in God, apparently. So I do. :) And, you know...God isn't the one that takes lives. Even though a lot of the churches like to blame Him for deaths and natural disasters and call it "God's plan," that's not true. He loves all of us, weather we love ourselves or not. Jehovah is so loving, in fact, that the Bible says he IS love. "God is love." (1 John 4:8) So, he would never take our lives just for the sake of taking them. And when someone does die, it's not because Jehovah God "needs another angel." The Bible says there are an infinite number of angels. So why would he take a random human away from their family and loved ones to turn them into an angel? He wouldn't. Quote:
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Gerard Way...weird but awesome.
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I love the music, for goodness sake, it may have a detrimental effect on your sanity, but it damn well makes you more epyk.
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I'm really annoyed. I'm didn't get into Drama for middle school next year and I have to do choir. >_< AND I have to do choir at church, which sucks because I dislike being in a choir.
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It was so cool to see them waving their hands-and ears-down at the audience:p |
You should suggest they sing Mama by MCR. :P
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They would probably expel me for insanity. XD
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I sang Mama after Art yesterday...everyone was staring at me.
GERARD WAY FTW! |
Yes, MCR FTW.
I hate my school's choir.. it's so boring and stupid. We have a concert tomorrow.. something I'm not looking forward to. |
Ugh...
Okay, so July 16th-20th, I'm supposed to go to Church camp with my friends. I'm kinda excited because it looks like fun, but then there's a problem. I asked ChaCha when auditions for Majors and Minors were, and all it said was July 2012. So I'm worried that if I go to church camp, I'll miss my audition. D:
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Oh, I hate when that happens.
Our school choir goes to competition and they only have performances on Christmas. |
I know someone who was made in their choir to sing pop songs. She said 'I don't want to sing this rubbish'. So she brought really loud rock songs not at all appropriate to sing to old people. The concert was at a care home for the elderly.
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The most confused and scared I've been in a long time
All my life I've been absolutely certain of my career. Art, without doubt. I always viewed my interest in art as a gift that God meant for me to use, I breathe art, I can't go two days without sitting at my tablet and sketching SOMETHING, ANYTHING, I can't go two hours without thinking about colour and techniques I could try.
The stupid career project messed everything up; I had to chose three of the careers I would be most likely to study for, so I chose art, writing (although this is slowly beginning to fade), and... forensic psychology. And now.... (*tormented expression*) I can't stop thinking about forensic psychology. Psychology has always been interesting to me, and to apply it to forensics... (*shudders*) I can't stop thinking about it, and every time I think about how much we've invested in a career in art at this point makes me more nervous, we're almost at a point where we can't turn back. Sometimes I doubt that a creative career would be able to even support me, and... Well, this feeling is kind of like the one a married woman would have after thirteen years of dedication to a loving husband (metaphorically, art and I) and then having making eye contact with a super hot guy across the room and feeling guilty for being unable to get him out of her mind for the following two weeks--right now I'm in denial that forensic psychology is even worth my time at all, and the fact that my parents can totally see me as a forensic psychologist is. Not. Helping. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9OlGsJP8FI...mio-scared.gif (*nothing is helped by the fact that I'm listening to Emilie Autumn's & ASP's song "Liar" which is screaming "liar" in my ears over and over*) |
It's good that you like something else other than art and writing. Who knows, you could write a book on forensic psychology and draw it. Or art could be a side project. Trust me, it's good to like something else. You shouldn't feel guilty about it.
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What about art psychology? It's a type where the subject draws a subject and you can understand them through their art. :P
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And it's not like Brooklyn is here all the time, either. She spends the whole school year with her mom and stepdad in southern new mexico. Which sucks, because I really love hanging out with her. Her stepmom, on the other hand, is annoying. Very sweet, very nice, but I... I hate her. How could she do this? Brooklyn should come home with us, I said. No, she said. I promise to bring Brooklyn.
But she never does come. Ever. She's a filthy liar, that's what she is. She never shows up to anything we arrange. Now she "says" she'll come at one thirty. Yeah, right. |
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I know how you feel. D: I hope you're alright...:/ |
Yeah, mostly. It's so very irritating. X^(
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....Can I ask you a quick little question? o_o Why did you change from "I" to "we" around the middle of that...? In all practicality, an artistic career probably wouldn't be enough to support you. The term "starving artist" isn't just an empty expression. BUT, if you were able to land a good project, and your work becomes popular (I don't see why it WOULDN'T, you're one of the best artists I know! ;D), you'd have more than enough income to keep yourself alive. HOWEVER, I doubt being a forensic psychologist would be very good for your mental health, Cass. <:^J I mean, if you think you could handle it (I certainly couldn't x_x), then I say you should go for any career choice that makes you happy. But that kind of a job is as stressful and gloomy as heck. At least, that's what I gather from watching Criminal Minds. But...I don't think I'm understanding you fully, Sandy. o_0 It's not like you've enrolled in some sort of school art program or anything. What's so bad about finding another potential career? (I'm sorry....this most likely iz NOT helping you....-_- I just don't have a clear enough picture of what's wrong in my mind. D: I'm sorry.) |
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What... oh! Like that manga "Picasso" or something? (I read about it in a magazine. :P) This kid draws stuff and... yeah. Quote:
Yeah, I guess, and if I went to an art school for college then I'm sure they would have some kind of employment plan set in place. And I could always apply for a crummy side job to make ends meet and stuff. And no, of course it wouldn't. 8D But... I don't know if you remember this or want to hear it but remember when I had a little spat with LJM on A/N while I was trying to help her sort through her "schizophrenia"? She accused me of being overly analytical, like I was just watching her like a puzzle instead of a person, like a math equation. I've been turning that over in my mind too... Does that mean something? I'm a lot different than I was back when I was having... difficulties... and I know that I'm stronger (like someone else on WB was saying, it's puberty) and won't flip out over seeing stuff, which I never really did in the first place. Being shown pictures of crime scenes, ripped-up bodies, talking to and watching people who are dangerous...? I don't think that overly scary, I've never been one to shy away from intimidating people. And plus, Criminal Minds most likely, no, most definitely blows things right out of proportion, because dealing with killers and "L, I AM JUSTICE!" is not necessarily what forensic psychologists do, sometimes they can be in legal things with custody battles and such, I would think, if one of the parents was abusive kind of thing and dealing with juvenile delinquency. I don't think forensic psychology would be any gloomier than funeral planning or putting makeup on dead bodies, which I don't find gloomy at all. I mean, it's just a dead body, not the apocalypse of all joy and happiness. |
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Wow, that probably did not help you. Sorry.
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