The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Sandy 07-31-2012 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 325063)
I am. I just... I don't know, it's hard to say exactly how I feel about it. I don't want him to hurt himself. And I also feel... let down in some ways... because I still do like him but I don't want to.

I'm sorry. :( I totally see what you mean, I would never be able to like a guy who gets drunk or does drugs... mostly because how on earth would we be able to make a living if he went out every night and blew his money on that stuff? x_x
But anyways, good luck with him... <:^/

magsiscool 07-31-2012 03:47 PM

Whats smoking pot?

AlgebraAddict 07-31-2012 03:51 PM

It's a drug you take that's really addicting, like cigarattes or alchohol. Not good for you.

Sandy 07-31-2012 03:55 PM

I don't know if this is melodramatic, I don't really care, but...


I'm so jealous... every time I see anything about this person, I... ugh.. (*keeps mouth tightly shut*)

magsiscool 07-31-2012 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 325067)
It's a drug you take that's really addicting, like cigarattes or alchohol. Not good for you.

OK. That bad. BAD PEOPLE WHO SMOKE IT

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 325069)
I don't know if this is melodramatic, I don't really care, but...


I'm so jealous... every time I see anything about this person, I... ugh.. (*keeps mouth tightly shut*)

- unlocks mouth -
VENT YOUR EMOTIONS!

AlgebraAddict 07-31-2012 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 325069)
I don't know if this is melodramatic, I don't really care, but...


I'm so jealous... every time I see anything about this person, I... ugh.. (*keeps mouth tightly shut*)



That can't be good for you. *opens jaw*

nngo 07-31-2012 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by magsiscool (Post 325072)
OK. That bad. BAD PEOPLE WHO SMOKE IT

Not everyone who smokes it is a horrible person who enjoys kicking sacks of dead kittens on fire. They could be misleaded, or pressured. In fact, most of them are like that.

AlgebraAddict 07-31-2012 04:47 PM

Peer pressure is evil. :/

07-31-2012 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 325118)
Peer pressure is evil. :/

"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends."

- –Dumbledore, Harry Potter


You gotta love Dumble. :p

AlgebraAddict 07-31-2012 05:07 PM

Albus. Call him Albus.

No Dumble.

MaryElizabeth 07-31-2012 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 325141)
Albus. Call him Albus.

No Dumble.

You will treat him with respect. Call him Professor.



:D:D

AlgebraAddict 07-31-2012 06:34 PM

Professor Albus. >;3

07-31-2012 06:57 PM

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/...23/untitle.JPG


Professor Dumble. XD

nngo 07-31-2012 06:59 PM

DUMBLYDOOR.

Zat is what thou should call him.

MaryElizabeth 07-31-2012 07:35 PM

We should make a new thread just for this argument. XD

07-31-2012 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nngo (Post 325340)
DUMBLYDOOR.

Zat is what thou should call him.

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/...23/untitle.JPG

nngo 07-31-2012 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caleigh (Post 325357)

http://memeorama.com/wp-content/uplo...-rage-face.png

07-31-2012 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nngo (Post 325360)

Okay, that's just creepy. O_o

Tiresomehoopla 07-31-2012 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caleigh (Post 325361)
Okay, that's just creepy. O_o

It looks like an ohaidare face 0.o

LaurenM 07-31-2012 09:13 PM

DUMBLYDORR!
My new principal looks like Madame Maxime...xD
Peer pressure is evil. Once, in a bookstore, I saw two people laughing like crazy, and a small packet of white pills rolled out.

Sandy 07-31-2012 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 325371)
DUMBLYDORR!
My new principal looks like Madame Maxime...xD
Peer pressure is evil. Once, in a bookstore, I saw two people laughing like crazy, and a small packet of white pills rolled out.

Stoners, druggies, and drunks used to freak me out but now I just find them funny...


:^I
That's my school for you.

Sandy 07-31-2012 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nngo (Post 325360)

OH MY GOD!

(*lower case characters here*)

...

07-31-2012 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 325383)
OH MY GOD!

(*lower case characters here*)

...

That face reminded me of the grinch for some weird reason.... O_e

http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/1...g-13021741.jpg

Does that not look similar to you guys? XD Besides the whole "being green" thing? xDDD

Moogle 07-31-2012 10:20 PM

They look shockingly similar xD

Sandy 08-02-2012 02:04 PM

May be triggering ... :/ don't read if you're going to get mad
 
... My brother is so angry...
I guess he's going through the time in his life when he learns to control his temper, since he's a little young, but still...
He blew up at the tennis courts the other day, threatening his buddy and everyone jumped in to defend him while my brother just kept turning around, screaming, "Shut up! Shut up!" ...Even I was telling him to calm down...

It made me sick to see him so miserable and so outcasted... by his own doing.

I'm embarrassed to go back to the tennis courts now, I don't know what they'll think of me... Even though it was all my brother, I feel like I should take the blame from the entire group for what my brother did and I want to apologize for him but I can't. He doesn't deserve that: he doesn't deserve to never learn to take responsibility for himself.

But I noticed something weird when he came home and we finally got him to talk about it... All this time (as his anger problem has been persisting for about a month now) I had been expecting him to say that his anger had been stemming from issues he had with himself, like me... I guess I was expecting him to be just like me. I was getting ready to explain some stuff to him if he said that he DID hate himself, if he DID say that he feels guilty and doesn't know why, if he DID say that he deserves to be shunned, and if he DID try to punch or hit himself or wanted to die... I was shocked when it had nothing to do with that. Absolutely shocked.
I realized that... no, not everyone feels like me. Not everyone grew up waiting for the next time they were going to have to run and hide in the closet. Not everyone cries in their sleep, not everyone has trust issues, not everyone is messed up. Most people have had supper in the past month, most people don't hear things calling their name through their computer. And sometimes the only thing that helps me to keep functioning is looking at the people around me and thinking, "... They all feel the same way you do." But now I realize that that's not the case and now I'm more certain than ever that no one in my real life can ever know this stuff, no one can ever know the thoughts I have to deal with every day, the thoughts that I've worked so hard to keep at the back of my head but even there they gnaw away at me and whisper to the part of me that's just trying to get by, to get to next year, to live a normal life and get a good career and get married one day.
I know bad things happen to everyone, and so do bad thoughts, but this is the first time I've realized that not many people have them at the same intensity that I do, because if anyone would, it would be my angsty, angry, short-tempered, disconnected little brother and he doesn't. And I'm so glad... but I wish that I could have someone else's brain for just a little while... someone else's personality. I don't know...

I dunno if this is teenage melodrama. I doubt it. I've had problems like this since I was just a little kid, starting with whenever I tried to close my eyes and go to sleep and as I got older, it began slowly devouring the rest of my day until every waking moment, I'm afraid that something is going to go wrong with me and I have to always be prepared.......

(*sigh*)

It's just me and you, emotional venting thread.

TheAshWolf 08-02-2012 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 325861)
... My brother is so angry...
I guess he's going through the time in his life when he learns to control his temper, since he's a little young, but still...
He blew up at the tennis courts the other day, threatening his buddy and everyone jumped in to defend him while my brother just kept turning around, screaming, "Shut up! Shut up!" ...Even I was telling him to calm down...

It made me sick to see him so miserable and so outcasted... by his own doing.

I'm embarrassed to go back to the tennis courts now, I don't know what they'll think of me... Even though it was all my brother, I feel like I should take the blame from the entire group for what my brother did and I want to apologize for him but I can't. He doesn't deserve that: he doesn't deserve to never learn to take responsibility for himself.

But I noticed something weird when he came home and we finally got him to talk about it... All this time (as his anger problem has been persisting for about a month now) I had been expecting him to say that his anger had been stemming from issues he had with himself, like me... I guess I was expecting him to be just like me. I was getting ready to explain some stuff to him if he said that he DID hate himself, if he DID say that he feels guilty and doesn't know why, if he DID say that he deserves to be shunned, and if he DID try to punch or hit himself or wanted to die... I was shocked when it had nothing to do with that. Absolutely shocked.
I realized that... no, not everyone feels like me. Not everyone grew up waiting for the next time they were going to have to run and hide in the closet. Not everyone cries in their sleep, not everyone has trust issues, not everyone is messed up. Most people have had supper in the past month, most people don't hear things calling their name through their computer. And sometimes the only thing that helps me to keep functioning is looking at the people around me and thinking, "... They all feel the same way you do." But now I realize that that's not the case and now I'm more certain than ever that no one in my real life can ever know this stuff, no one can ever know the thoughts I have to deal with every day, the thoughts that I've worked so hard to keep at the back of my head but even there they gnaw away at me and whisper to the part of me that's just trying to get by, to get to next year, to live a normal life and get a good career and get married one day.
I know bad things happen to everyone, and so do bad thoughts, but this is the first time I've realized that not many people have them at the same intensity that I do, because if anyone would, it would be my angsty, angry, short-tempered, disconnected little brother and he doesn't. And I'm so glad... but I wish that I could have someone else's brain for just a little while... someone else's personality. I don't know...

I dunno if this is teenage melodrama. I doubt it. I've had problems like this since I was just a little kid, starting with whenever I tried to close my eyes and go to sleep and as I got older, it began slowly devouring the rest of my day until every waking moment, I'm afraid that something is going to go wrong with me and I have to always be prepared.......

(*sigh*)

It's just me and you, emotional venting thread.

Why would I get mad after reading this? O.o Why would anyone...?

D: You don't have to feel embarrassed. You weren't the one that blew up, your brother did. You can't always take the blame for him--he needs to take responsibility for his actions. He can't have his well-meaning sister always bailing him out and taking the hit for him.


*reads the rest of your post* Well...um.......djnhfkjhdf. x_x

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0lln0E4Kz1qcw5fd.gif

Um....uh..... >_< How the heck do I word this?

Okay, I think I got it. Forgive me if I ramble and it takes me a while to get my point across.

Look, Cass....I know, misery loves company. It's nice to have someone who's in the same boat as you. But the thing is...you're a unique person. So you have unique problems. But, no matter what, even if you don't know anyone in person who has the same issues as you, know that there IS someone out there in the world who's going through the same thing. You're not totally alone. I know, you wish you could identify with someone. I feel that way, too. But just...just....try to focus on being glad no one's hurting like you are. Be glad that your brother doesn't have a serious mental issue or his problems stem from the same weed that yours do. Be happy that this will blow over for him. Focus on the people you love being happy. It doesn't always work, but it helps, trust me.

And, I know this isn't much but...you know that you always have me. I at least have an IDEA of how you feel. We share a bunch of common problems. I really wish that there was some way I could comfort you more. Make you see that despite the fact you want someone else's brain and personality for a while, the one you have right now is pretty freaking amazing. So what if you feel a bit rough around the edges? You'll get through this. You've gotten through much worse issues in the past. <:^J I know that you can work through this. You're stronger than you think.

I care about you, Sandy. And so does your family. And your KP family. Just keep telling yourself that you're not alone, even if not many people know how you feel to the letter. You still have wonderful friends and a loving family. Tell yourself you can get through this.

nngo 08-02-2012 05:43 PM

"If you aren't just a little bit depressed, then you aren't paying very much attention to what's going on in the world."

08-02-2012 05:47 PM

Mom is in the hospital again. Stupid diverticulitis. I'm just really scared she's going to die, because the medicene she has makes her sick. I don't know what I'd do without my Mom. D: She's already been in the hospital once for it, and now this...

I'm trying not to focus on the negative, and I keep trying to tell myself she'll get better soon, but the thing that bothers me the most is that I don't know if she will.

If you pray, please keep her in your prayers. I'm sure she'll appreciate them. :/

Sandy 08-02-2012 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 325882)
Why would I get mad after reading this? O.o Why would anyone...?

But just...just....try to focus on being glad no one's hurting like you are. Be glad that your brother doesn't have a serious mental issue or his problems stem from the same weed that yours do. Be happy that this will blow over for him. Focus on the people you love being happy.

And, I know this isn't much but...you know that you always have me. I at least have an IDEA of how you feel. We share a bunch of common problems. I really wish that there was some way I could comfort you more. Make you see that despite the fact you want someone else's brain and personality for a while, the one you have right now is pretty freaking amazing. So what if you feel a bit rough around the edges? You'll get through this. You've gotten through much worse issues in the past. <:^J I know that you can work through this. You're stronger than you think.

I don't know... people seem to get really mad when someone vents about something lately. o_O
And oh, believe me, at the same time I am VERY, VERY glad that no one else/not many people feel the way I do, even if it leaves me isolated. I am really grateful for this, I would rather take it than someone else, ESPECIALLY not my little bro.
And no, it's okay, you don't have to feel like you should comfort me more... I don't always need comfort... I just need answers. I don't understand why all of this is happening to me... like, when I look at my life, there's no reason I should have developed like this. No one died, no one brutally abused me, I was never horrifically bullied or teased like some kids, we're a well-off family in a nice house, I get good grades... I guess I'm that kid that no one would suspect. :/
I'm not particularly heartbroken over the fact that it's starting to "come back"... I know how to ignore it, I know how to keep my mouth shut (except on here, haha... ha... ha... ._.), so most of the time I'm listening to what my brain is telling me like this ----> 8^I But it never means that the stuff goes away, telling me... telling me that I'm worthless (this particular thing is getting... well, I don't want to say out of hand because I can keep it under my skin, y'know... but it's getting... intrusive? I dunno), telling me that I might as well just lay down and die because my life is never going to go anywhere so why waste energy, that although I may not be (entirely) ugly on the outside (thank god I've gotten past that... <_<) but that I'm ugly down to the bone, in my heart...
I find it sad that one of the main reasons I'm going into the IB programme is so I have something special about me, something I can finally say I did, y'know, like, "Guys, look what I did! I got the IB diploma! I guess this means I have some value, right?" but I know that eventually that will fade and I"ll be just another IB graduate who is necrotic and insane and that's the only way they were able to do all that schoolwork, from being an absolute raving nut.


(I can't remember if I already said this but whatever) I guess I'm not desperate for help at this point, I'm just complaining, I suppose... Complaining about how all this (*gestures at all this stuff*) crap is haunting me and hanging over my head like a dead goose. Am I sick of it? Yes. Can I deal with it and tough it out? Yes. Is there a chance that it will ever be gone for good? Hardly. But I accept that.


I guess... thanks for listening, Ash... but I'm so sorry that you have to deal with me, I don't know if anything is triggering for you but when I was trying to help out my brother, pretty much everything that happened was a trigger for me... You can bail on me anytime, you know? <:^/ I understand.

Sandy 08-02-2012 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caleigh (Post 325900)
Mom is in the hospital again. Stupid diverticulitis. I'm just really scared she's going to die, because the medicene she has makes her sick. I don't know what I'd do without my Mom. D: She's already been in the hospital once for it, and now this...

I'm trying not to focus on the negative, and I keep trying to tell myself she'll get better soon, but the thing that bothers me the most is that I don't know if she will.

If you pray, please keep her in your prayers. I'm sure she'll appreciate them. :/

I don't pray, but you and your mom will DEFINITELY be in my thoughts, and I wish you both the best of luck... 8^( I'm so sorry for what you're going through... again, best of luck, you sound like you're doing an AMAZING job dealing with this so far! >_< Hang in there, both of you, I'm sure things will turn out!

Sandy 08-02-2012 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nngo (Post 325899)
"If you aren't just a little bit depressed, then you aren't paying very much attention to what's going on in the world."

<:^J True that!

TheAshWolf 08-02-2012 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 325902)
I don't know... people seem to get really mad when someone vents about something lately. o_O
And oh, believe me, at the same time I am VERY, VERY glad that no one else/not many people feel the way I do, even if it leaves me isolated. I am really grateful for this, I would rather take it than someone else, ESPECIALLY not my little bro.
And no, it's okay, you don't have to feel like you should comfort me more... I don't always need comfort... I just need answers. I don't understand why all of this is happening to me... like, when I look at my life, there's no reason I should have developed like this. No one died, no one brutally abused me, I was never horrifically bullied or teased like some kids, we're a well-off family in a nice house, I get good grades... I guess I'm that kid that no one would suspect. :/
I'm not particularly heartbroken over the fact that it's starting to "come back"... I know how to ignore it, I know how to keep my mouth shut (except on here, haha... ha... ha... ._.), so most of the time I'm listening to what my brain is telling me like this ----> 8^I But it never means that the stuff goes away, telling me... telling me that I'm worthless (this particular thing is getting... well, I don't want to say out of hand because I can keep it under my skin, y'know... but it's getting... intrusive? I dunno), telling me that I might as well just lay down and die because my life is never going to go anywhere so why waste energy, that although I may not be (entirely) ugly on the outside (thank god I've gotten past that... <_<) but that I'm ugly down to the bone, in my heart...
I find it sad that one of the main reasons I'm going into the IB programme is so I have something special about me, something I can finally say I did, y'know, like, "Guys, look what I did! I got the IB diploma! I guess this means I have some value, right?" but I know that eventually that will fade and I"ll be just another IB graduate who is necrotic and insane and that's the only way they were able to do all that schoolwork, from being an absolute raving nut.


(I can't remember if I already said this but whatever) I guess I'm not desperate for help at this point, I'm just complaining, I suppose... Complaining about how all this (*gestures at all this stuff*) crap is haunting me and hanging over my head like a dead goose. Am I sick of it? Yes. Can I deal with it and tough it out? Yes. Is there a chance that it will ever be gone for good? Hardly. But I accept that.


I guess... thanks for listening, Ash... but I'm so sorry that you have to deal with me, I don't know if anything is triggering for you but when I was trying to help out my brother, pretty much everything that happened was a trigger for me... You can bail on me anytime, you know? <:^/ I understand.

You're preaching to the quire on that one, my friend. :^/ I want answers, too. I want to know why I get so angry for no reason. I want to know why I feel terrified of going to the meetings and seeing my friends and going out in service when it all used to be the thing that healed me. Now the thought of doing all that gives me a horrible, foreboding feeling. I don't know why. I want it to stop, but it won't. I'm just so sick of it all, I think my apathy is finally winning out over my anger.... XD XD DX DX No clue if that's good or bad.

<8^I Hmmm...I honestly don't know, Sandy. I guess some people are just born that way.

*Lady Gaga starts singing/screeching the back of my head* SHUDDUP, YOU FREAK. x___x Does stuff like that count as auditory hallucinations? If so, then maybe we ARE in the same boat. XD o_e

Well, you're NOT worthless. I have no idea why that little voice would tell you such a lie. Look...when I start feeling worthless...I sometimes like to look back on my past achievements. Read old comments on WOT. Look at the little award thingies I got at school assemblies. Read the crappy old book reports I got a semi good grade on. Maybe reading old comments on VM and on your art on dA would help quiet the voice.....? 0_o

<:^D WELL....at least you no longer think you're ugly. (Because you're not. Never have been, never will be. ^_^)

O___O WHAT?
....
You want to run that by me again? e__e
Wha...? Just...what the friggity frap frapparaffin frap tippity top hats ARE you talking about?!?!?!?!!?

"I'm ugly down to the bone, in my heart..."

.................................................. ................Yes. o__o *sarcasm* Because someone who's ugly in their heart would put up with my rambles and rants, help me through ridiculous situations time and time again when you're hurting more then I am, all while having concern for your little brother and trying to live your life. YES, Cassandra. That all makes you a horrible ugly person inside. XD Your punishment for that will be (to quote my favorite teacher), "to be whipped with a wet noodle"!

Sandy... <:^J You're not ugly at all, inside OR out. Not to me, not to anyone on here, not to your family, not to anyone.

Ugh, this is one of those times when I really want to follow all this up with a bear hug, but I can't because the Internet is in the way. x____x MEEEEHHHH.
*hugs you through the screen*

You. Do not. Have. To be. Sorry. o_______o Y U KEEP SAYING THAT? XD Sandy, I am your friend. There is no way I could ever bail on you. My heart won't let me, my conscience won't let me, my brain won't let me.

Everything is a trigger for me nowadays, Cass. This is just a tiny blip on my radar. <:^J Don't worry about me, because I'm okay. I just want you to feel better about yourself.

Sandy 08-02-2012 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 325927)
You're preaching to the quire on that one, my friend. :^/ I want answers, too. I want to know why I get so angry for no reason. I want to know why I feel terrified of going to the meetings and seeing my friends and going out in service when it all used to be the thing that healed me. Now the thought of doing all that gives me a horrible, foreboding feeling. I don't know why. I want it to stop, but it won't. I'm just so sick of it all, I think my apathy is finally winning out over my anger.... XD XD DX DX No clue if that's good or bad.

*Lady Gaga starts singing/screeching the back of my head* SHUDDUP, YOU FREAK. x___x Does stuff like that count as auditory hallucinations? If so, then maybe we ARE in the same boat. XD o_e

Well, you're NOT worthless. I have no idea why that little voice would tell you such a lie. Look...when I start feeling worthless...I sometimes like to look back on my past achievements. Read old comments on WOT. Look at the little award thingies I got at school assemblies. Read the crappy old book reports I got a semi good grade on. Maybe reading old comments on VM and on your art on dA would help quiet the voice.....? 0_o

<:^D WELL....at least you no longer think you're ugly. (Because you're not. Never have been, never will be. ^_^)

O___O WHAT?
....
You want to run that by me again? e__e
Wha...? Just...what the friggity frap frapparaffin frap tippity top hats ARE you talking about?!?!?!?!!?

"I'm ugly down to the bone, in my heart..."

.................................................. ................Yes. o__o *sarcasm* Because someone who's ugly in their heart would put up with my rambles and rants, help me through ridiculous situations time and time again when you're hurting more then I am, all while having concern for your little brother and trying to live your life. YES, Cassandra. That all makes you a horrible ugly person inside. XD Your punishment for that will be (to quote my favorite teacher), "to be whipped with a wet noodle"!

Sandy... <:^J You're not ugly at all, inside OR out. Not to me, not to anyone on here, not to your family, not to anyone.

Ugh, this is one of those times when I really want to follow all this up with a bear hug, but I can't because the Internet is in the way. x____x MEEEEHHHH.
*hugs you through the screen*

You. Do not. Have. To be. Sorry. o_______o Y U KEEP SAYING THAT? XD Sandy, I am your friend. There is no way I could ever bail on you. My heart won't let me, my conscience won't let me, my brain won't let me.

Everything is a trigger for me nowadays, Cass. This is just a tiny blip on my radar. <:^J Don't worry about me, because I'm okay. I just want you to feel better about yourself.

Because someone who's ugly in their heart would put up with my rambles and rants, help me through ridiculous situations time and time again when you're hurting more then I am...

My heart won't let me, my conscience won't let me, my brain won't let me.


Me when I read those lines:
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6zekiZDO51qd0mqw.pnghttp://static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/...b28654c7eb.jpg

I don't think that's an auditory hallucination... XD But if it is, I guess we are on the same boat. ._.


(*starts scrambling to get the heck out of this boat*)

I guess I could do that... but to me, VM has no real value either. Let's face it: it was not the product of the work of the god of literature, it was not an expression of creative superiority, and it certainly isn't burning in the flames of genius. It was all out of boredom on a snowy January afternoon, when I had nothing else to do and wanted to amuse myself during the winter... and it shows. It's just rambling, all of it... so I don't write anymore. My poetry... ._. Just plain-out reeks of low quality... and, well, I'll never like my art... It seems as though everything I turn to to express myself turns out to be dirt... I'm surrounded by gold and the future I have for myself (education and fund-wise) is paved in silver, but all I dream of when I close my eyes is dirt. (*sigh*) And my grades... they're just grades, they don't mean anything... Even though I finally got a 100% in creative writing, what I've been working for for YEARS, it doesn't really... matter. I mean, it's just a number. It's not like I've changed lives or saved the world's damned younger generations. (I don't mean damned as a curse, I mean, we are actually damned, apparently we're the first generation not expected to outlive their parents ._.)

(I kind of smiled when I read that frippity-frappity part. XD XD) I don't know... I guess... but I remember a couple years ago, I couldn't get over the thought that somehow inside, my heart (or whatever, I dunno, I sound like I'm having a bad trip or something) was rotten like a yicky apple with bugs crawling through it and that's kind of coming back, and I just can't stop listening to this German metal song, "Morgenstern" (Morning star), and for some reason whenever I hear them sing "Because you, you are ugly/
You are simply ugly" (but in German) it makes me feel way better than if someone were to say I was beautiful, or beautiful on the inside or whatever... I don't know why. I guess it's because it's the only thing that makes sense.
I remember, when I was having my good days, I would look back on my issues or problems or "what I went through" or however one wants to word it and think that maybe I was beautiful for getting through it and for surviving and for staying so strong (not doing drugs, not DYING) while still doing well in school... but now when I look back on it and look at myself now I realize that I'm just a messed up freak... no, a freak show. I would never tell this to anyone in real life because they would view me as dangerous and their butt would go flying the other way and then where would I be? -_-' So... yeah, that's my reasoning. Even my brother the other day, trying to hurt me, "pretended" to be me and ran around the tennis court chanting, "I'm PSYCHO! No one understands me! I'm so depressed! I'm a PSYCHO KID!" and it felt so horrible... and then when I brought it up again he COMPLETELY denied it and I've never been so shocked in my life but that's another story... >_>
I guess I keep expecting you to flip out on me or something or just leave. XD DX

About what you said... I can relate (like I kind of said up there)... The things that used to heal me (creating stuff) are just haunting me now, so you're not alone. :/ If that helps...
Are you allowed to not do those things if they make you feel bad? :<

08-02-2012 08:20 PM

Mom looked so pitiful in her hospital bed. It would randomly air up...sort of like an air mattress. It felt weird... O_e

Sandy 08-02-2012 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caleigh (Post 325942)
Mom looked so pitiful in her hospital bed. It would randomly air up...sort of like an air mattress. It felt weird... O_e

Aw man... Like I said, I'm sorry you have to see her like that. :(
Hospitals freak me out to no end. o_e I remember we went to visit my gramma after her hip replacement (which ended up as a failure of epic proportions... -_-) and I stayed in her bedroom while my mom took her for a walk... and the lady next to us was in extreme pain but they had her all drugged up, so occasionally she would move and shift around but it was so freaking creepy... and all those machines... (*shudders*) It just was so unsettling I cried a little while I sat there... Sitting in a hospital is torture... ;_;

Sorry... this can't be making anything better, can it? x_x
I'm sorry that she has to be staying in a place like that... hospitals... (*shivers*)

Ruza 08-02-2012 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 325948)
Aw man... Like I said, I'm sorry you have to see her like that. :(
Hospitals freak me out to no end. o_e I remember we went to visit my gramma after her hip replacement (which ended up as a failure of epic proportions... -_-) and I stayed in her bedroom while my mom took her for a walk... and the lady next to us was in extreme pain but they had her all drugged up, so occasionally she would move and shift around but it was so freaking creepy... and all those machines... (*shudders*) It just was so unsettling I cried a little while I sat there... Sitting in a hospital is torture... ;_;

Sorry... this can't be making anything better, can it? x_x
I'm sorry that she has to be staying in a place like that... hospitals... (*shivers*)

And that distinct hospital smell... You never forget it.

Sandy 08-02-2012 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruza (Post 325954)
And that distinct hospital smell... You never forget it.

Oh god, I know... sterile... and that never ending beeping. x_x

08-02-2012 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 325948)
Aw man... Like I said, I'm sorry you have to see her like that. :(
Hospitals freak me out to no end. o_e I remember we went to visit my gramma after her hip replacement (which ended up as a failure of epic proportions... -_-) and I stayed in her bedroom while my mom took her for a walk... and the lady next to us was in extreme pain but they had her all drugged up, so occasionally she would move and shift around but it was so freaking creepy... and all those machines... (*shudders*) It just was so unsettling I cried a little while I sat there... Sitting in a hospital is torture... ;_;

Sorry... this can't be making anything better, can it? x_x
I'm sorry that she has to be staying in a place like that... hospitals... (*shivers*)

In fourth grade, a friend convinced me Mom would die if they inserted the IV wrong, so I started freaking out and bawling my eyes out. X_x I've hated hospitals ever since. Thankfully Mom's in a room by herself, but our music pastor came to visit her a week ago when she was in there, and she was drugged up so she said, "And what is it you do?" XD Kodak moment, according to Mom.

I was so thirsty, but Mom wouldn't let me drink out of the water fountain...no telling what disease I would get. e_e They recently redid the hospital she's staying at, so it's actually quite nice. Her nurse was really funny, so that made me feel a little better. But I'm sure she'll get out in a couple days. Tonight they're just doing some tests and all that jazz. But thank you for caring. :)

TheAshWolf 08-02-2012 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 325939)
Because someone who's ugly in their heart would put up with my rambles and rants, help me through ridiculous situations time and time again when you're hurting more then I am...

My heart won't let me, my conscience won't let me, my brain won't let me.


Me when I read those lines:
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6zekiZDO51qd0mqw.pnghttp://static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/...b28654c7eb.jpg

I don't think that's an auditory hallucination... XD But if it is, I guess we are on the same boat. ._.


(*starts scrambling to get the heck out of this boat*)

I guess I could do that... but to me, VM has no real value either. Let's face it: it was not the product of the work of the god of literature, it was not an expression of creative superiority, and it certainly isn't burning in the flames of genius. It was all out of boredom on a snowy January afternoon, when I had nothing else to do and wanted to amuse myself during the winter... and it shows. It's just rambling, all of it... so I don't write anymore. My poetry... ._. Just plain-out reeks of low quality... and, well, I'll never like my art... It seems as though everything I turn to to express myself turns out to be dirt... I'm surrounded by gold and the future I have for myself (education and fund-wise) is paved in silver, but all I dream of when I close my eyes is dirt. (*sigh*) And my grades... they're just grades, they don't mean anything... Even though I finally got a 100% in creative writing, what I've been working for for YEARS, it doesn't really... matter. I mean, it's just a number. It's not like I've changed lives or saved the world's damned younger generations. (I don't mean damned as a curse, I mean, we are actually damned, apparently we're the first generation not expected to outlive their parents ._.)

(I kind of smiled when I read that frippity-frappity part. XD XD) I don't know... I guess... but I remember a couple years ago, I couldn't get over the thought that somehow inside, my heart (or whatever, I dunno, I sound like I'm having a bad trip or something) was rotten like a yicky apple with bugs crawling through it and that's kind of coming back, and I just can't stop listening to this German metal song, "Morgenstern" (Morning star), and for some reason whenever I hear them sing "Because you, you are ugly/
You are simply ugly" (but in German) it makes me feel way better than if someone were to say I was beautiful, or beautiful on the inside or whatever... I don't know why. I guess it's because it's the only thing that makes sense.
I remember, when I was having my good days, I would look back on my issues or problems or "what I went through" or however one wants to word it and think that maybe I was beautiful for getting through it and for surviving and for staying so strong (not doing drugs, not DYING) while still doing well in school... but now when I look back on it and look at myself now I realize that I'm just a messed up freak... no, a freak show. I would never tell this to anyone in real life because they would view me as dangerous and their butt would go flying the other way and then where would I be? -_-' So... yeah, that's my reasoning. Even my brother the other day, trying to hurt me, "pretended" to be me and ran around the tennis court chanting, "I'm PSYCHO! No one understands me! I'm so depressed! I'm a PSYCHO KID!" and it felt so horrible... and then when I brought it up again he COMPLETELY denied it and I've never been so shocked in my life but that's another story... >_>
I guess I keep expecting you to flip out on me or something or just leave. XD DX

About what you said... I can relate (like I kind of said up there)... The things that used to heal me (creating stuff) are just haunting me now, so you're not alone. :/ If that helps...
Are you allowed to not do those things if they make you feel bad? :<

XD LADY GAGA IS IN OUR BOAT. SWIM FOR YOU LIIIIIIIFE!
Sorry. o__o Shouldn't have drank (drunk? drinked? UGH) all that soda.

Cass...you're missing the point. <:^J It doesn't matter if you see flaws in your work--everyone's picture looks a little off, everyone has a few typos in their short story. The point is, people like what you made. You honestly do NOT know how much I envy your ability to draw. And your style of writing? Don't even get me started. All I can say is this: No matter what you think, your fans are your fans, and they know what's good and what isn't good. And you are your own biggest critic.

You...don't....write........anymore?
What is the meaning of those words? o.o Why can my brain not understand them?? Oh, that's right, because you not writing is a crime not only against yourself, but ALL OF YOUR FANS! O_O You DO know you have fans, right? Yeah. Us. The crazy peeps with top hats and exploding breakfast foods.

Honestly....okay, I'm sorry, but now it's MY turn to vent. -____-
I'm not going to name any names here, but all of the sudden, a bunch of my epic writing friends have stopped writing. O_O And my question is....WHY? You all still seem to have great ideas! <:^D There are so many new stories and characters to unleash on the Internet. What invisible horrible monster from under the bed is making everyone just up and quit? ;_;
*le end vent*

ANYWAY.........*re-reads all of that* Woah, that sounded...unusually harsh. D: If you think that came out harsh, I'm sorry to the 5th power, that's not how I meant it.

Good. I hoped my losing my ability to form actual words would amuse you. XD

"...it makes me feel way better than if someone were to say I was beautiful, or beautiful on the inside or whatever... I don't know why. I guess it's because it's the only thing that makes sense."

;_; But it doesn't make sense to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Sandy...you're beautiful, and if you can't see that than kjhxasfdsfjklsjkbgfkjbdsgfkjbsdbgfkjbsfgjkbs you need bifocals, man. XD XD DX DX

....Look, Sandy, I really don't know what else to say, other than putting everything in a nutshell and giving it to you. x__x I'm sorry. I'm at a weak point right now. Like I said, I can't even see my friends without having a mini-meltdown.

You know what, Sandy? That's what my sisters did to me. o_o They decided one day that I was no longer worth the effort it took to take care of me, so they "flipped out" and "just left". I'm never going to do that to anyone--ESPECIALLY a friend--no matter how hard it gets. I don't even think I have the capacity to do that to anyone. So, I'm sorry, but you're kind of stuck with me until you tell me to get lost. XD

All I can say right now is:
~ You're an incredible person inside and out,
~ Your writing AND art is spectacular, and I wish you could see that,
~ Your brother was VERY VERY VERY VERY VEEERY rude for doing that and I wish I could make him see the error of his ways, and
~ I care about you a lot. If you ever feel like I'm smothering you (I tend to do that *headdesk*) just tell me to put a sock in it and take a hike, and I will. :^B

Tiresomehoopla 08-02-2012 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 325948)
Aw man... Like I said, I'm sorry you have to see her like that. :(
Hospitals freak me out to no end. o_e I remember we went to visit my gramma after her hip replacement (which ended up as a failure of epic proportions... -_-) and I stayed in her bedroom while my mom took her for a walk... and the lady next to us was in extreme pain but they had her all drugged up, so occasionally she would move and shift around but it was so freaking creepy... and all those machines... (*shudders*) It just was so unsettling I cried a little while I sat there... Sitting in a hospital is torture... ;_;

Sorry... this can't be making anything better, can it? x_x
I'm sorry that she has to be staying in a place like that... hospitals... (*shivers*)

Is it odd that video games made me love hospitals and then a movie ruined it again? (No it wasn't a cheap horror movie with mad patient ghosts...)


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